Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Unemployment

My experience in technology is extensive. I breathe and bleed tech, having programmed since the age of fourteen. I'm what is called a natural. I didn't go into programming just for money, but because I enjoyed it and discovered I was good at it.

Nevertheless, on a regular basis, I am being passed over for jobs that I am qualified or even overqualified for, despite flexibility over the issue of salary and other matters and despite an eagerness and readiness to learn. In many cases it seems that I am not even given a second glance, but dismissed out of hand for one reason or another, most likely age or a gap in employment or the lack of employment. I did not think so before, but sometimes I fear that I may never work again in my chosen field and that my productive life is over.

Of course, there are many people in the same boat or even in worse circumstances, so I do not feel alone, not in today's economy. I do not believe it is anything to be ashamed of, either, because I am just as competent as ever, ready to reach the same height of excellence that I reached in the past. My loss is not only my own, but in part, also a loss to the companies that overlook me. It is possible they can find candidates who are better. I have worked with programmers superior to me in skill on at least three occasions. It is more likely they will find candidates who are just as good. I've been fortunate enough to work with my equals many times. It is also possible that their selection will not be as good, or will crash and burn, as I have seen many programmers do. But that is their problem. Those companies will have to deal with the fallout. I won't be there to pick up the pieces as I was in so many other cases of programmers who bailed out, went bananas or got fired.*

I feel sad at the lack of hope for me and probably millions of others, but not ashamed, because the circumstances of today were not of my doing. Today's economy is an indictment of a political and economic philosophy that is not my own. I sometimes feel angry, because there are many who express contempt toward others and obtain a strange satisfaction from the suffering of others. But they are not important, only loud and shrill, like crickets at night. Angry and mean people tend to clamor for the most attention. Often it is best to ignore them. They do not have much capacity for learning. Those who have understanding are more interesting, and I prefer to pay attention to them.

I don't let anger keep any grip upon me, but let it disperse after it has formed. It is not useful, as some people think, as I used to think, but harmful, and interferes with intelligence, like many other emotions. I'm not wise enough that I can dispense with anger altogether, and I don't know anyone who is. Anger happens in the human being. How to prevent its formation is beyond my understanding. I do know how to deal with it, though. Let it go. Don't take it seriously or at least not for long. Taking things very seriously is a grave mistake. I think a light touch is the way, a bit of humility and humor, combined with a desire to understand and to grow. Anger is the Enemy, getting in the way of intelligent thought, placing obstacles in the path of personal growth. Despair is the same.

Let us say the absolute worse happens in the next moment: a meteor hurls through my roof, striking me dead. Is that the end of the world? No, the world keeps on going, unless the meteor was very big indeed, in which case it would be termed an asteroid or a comet. I believe the Moon formed following a collision between this planet and a comet long ago. At any rate, I don't think the stakes are high for my own existence. I'm in favor of its continuation, but it does not exceed the value of other imperatives such as ethics, beauty and people that I care about. In other words, what happens, happens, and in the end I'm just a small part, a single pixel in the Impressionist painting of the world. Threads of consciousness, memes shared by me show every indication of persisting, even flourishing in my opinion, and that to me is more important. The wine exceeds the value of the vessel.

When I close my eyes at night, I feel encompassed by the greatest love, a restorative and nourishing force that makes me feel as though everything is as it should be, that things are right and good, just as they are. That does not result in a waking complacency. I've never been complacent. I'm always modifying things, trying to make them better. It is the nature of a programmer. It is not necessary to feel overwhelmed by worries and anxieties in order to get things done. That is a common misconception that I used to have. I get things done on time. Never have been a procrastinator. I just don't spend so much time worrying. There is a certain amount of fearlessness. Sometimes fear occurs to me, but then it seems strange, from someone else, from a weaker person. Fear is not any more helpful than anger. Fear of death and disease are shared by many people. I feel afraid about those inevitable fates too until I think them over, and I always come to the same conclusion in the end. There doesn't seem much purpose in being afraid of something that is going to happen no matter what. Acceptance may be a better strategy offering more benefits.

* - A common story throughout my career involved cleaning up other people's messes, pulling their rear ends out of the fire. I was there when the waste matter hit the fan. I was calm and rational, thinking in cold blood. Quick fixes were everybody's favorite, but I worked all day and all night if I had to, the thrill of battle spurring me on. I don't mind the drama or the pressure, but thrive on it, and can work alone or with a team.

I'm a good person to have around when things go wrong, because I don't get flustered. I relish the challenge, because it focuses all of my energy until I become greater than I was before. After final victory, there is time to celebrate, to unwind. Maybe customers are grateful, maybe not, but one's coworkers always are pleased, even if no one else recognizes what was accomplished, which is often the case because mishaps tend to be concealed from the eyes of higher-ups.
by igor 04:20 4 replies by igor 09:32 0 comments

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