You know, the best way to drum up business is to design a good product and provide good service. Little tricks don't get you far.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
A Master's Degree in Marketing
You know, the best way to drum up business is to design a good product and provide good service. Little tricks don't get you far.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Hillary Clinton is Cool
Little incidents like this persuade me Hillary Clinton is cool--and would make a good President.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Three Fingers are Pointing Back at Russia
The media attention given to Russia's inadequacy as an Olympic host is worth reading. Thanks, Russia. I never laughed so hard thinking about Russia before.
Sochi's woes remind me of an ancient proverb. When you point a finger at others, three fingers are pointing back at you. Russia declared war on gays for no apparent reason other than to create another scapegoat for social ills. Should we be forgiving of Russia's inadequacies? Should we look the other way when brown liquid pours from the faucets? Should we gloss over the sit-down toilets side-by-side in the men's and ladies' restrooms?
Three fingers, Russia, and they are your very own.
On February 7th, 2014, four activists were arrested in St. Petersburg "for taking photos with a banner referring to Principle 6 of the Olympic Charter ‘Discrimination is incompatible with the Olympic Movement.’”
One would think Russia's leaders would want to improve their image in the world, not tarnish it further. Perhaps the leaders lack social intelligence along with basic morality. Having both handicaps is a severe limitation indeed. That explains why corruption and mismanagement are rampant in that country. Brown liquid pouring from the faucets, indeed.
Sochi's woes remind me of an ancient proverb. When you point a finger at others, three fingers are pointing back at you. Russia declared war on gays for no apparent reason other than to create another scapegoat for social ills. Should we be forgiving of Russia's inadequacies? Should we look the other way when brown liquid pours from the faucets? Should we gloss over the sit-down toilets side-by-side in the men's and ladies' restrooms?
Three fingers, Russia, and they are your very own.
On February 7th, 2014, four activists were arrested in St. Petersburg "for taking photos with a banner referring to Principle 6 of the Olympic Charter ‘Discrimination is incompatible with the Olympic Movement.’”
One would think Russia's leaders would want to improve their image in the world, not tarnish it further. Perhaps the leaders lack social intelligence along with basic morality. Having both handicaps is a severe limitation indeed. That explains why corruption and mismanagement are rampant in that country. Brown liquid pouring from the faucets, indeed.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Hillary Clinton & the Mansplainers
This article about Hillary's testimony before Congress was Hillary-ous. Most of the credit is due to Hillary herself. Her choice of glasses was a particular stroke of genius. She's a right likeable lady. My mother voted for her for in the 2008 Presidential primary, while I voted for Obama. Together, as they are now, they make a great team. I don't know whether Hillary would have made a better President, but she makes a superb Secretary of State.
I think the U.S. frankly needed a black President just to set things right, given our country's history, but Obama's election was not affirmative action. I wouldn't have voted for just any black candidate, even if the fellow agreed with me on everything. I wouldn't have voted for a smart and well-educated black man either, unless he was as good a speaker as Obama. I wouldn't have voted for a black politician that exaggerated and played havoc with the facts or played the race card all the time, like some I can recall. In fact, for me at least, a politician's skin color is neither advantage nor disadvantage; one simply observes after the fact that yes, it is probably a good thing for the sake of history that the U.S. showed the world we can elect a black man to the highest office. It's like thumbing our nose at the world, you see, with all its harsh criticisms of the United States, and saying, "You don't know us, after all. We're America, land of opportunity!"
A potential Hillary candidacy in 2016 would be interesting, but I am afraid she may be too old then. I don't know why she is stepping down as Secretary of State--missed that explanation.
I think the U.S. frankly needed a black President just to set things right, given our country's history, but Obama's election was not affirmative action. I wouldn't have voted for just any black candidate, even if the fellow agreed with me on everything. I wouldn't have voted for a smart and well-educated black man either, unless he was as good a speaker as Obama. I wouldn't have voted for a black politician that exaggerated and played havoc with the facts or played the race card all the time, like some I can recall. In fact, for me at least, a politician's skin color is neither advantage nor disadvantage; one simply observes after the fact that yes, it is probably a good thing for the sake of history that the U.S. showed the world we can elect a black man to the highest office. It's like thumbing our nose at the world, you see, with all its harsh criticisms of the United States, and saying, "You don't know us, after all. We're America, land of opportunity!"
A potential Hillary candidacy in 2016 would be interesting, but I am afraid she may be too old then. I don't know why she is stepping down as Secretary of State--missed that explanation.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
AIG's Ingrates
The Federal government bailed out AIG, and as thanks, AIG is going to sue the government because it didn't like every aspect of the bailout terms. Can you remember the last loan agreement that you liked in every detail?
The leadership of AIG notes, "Our duty isn't to the country, it is to the shareholder."
Come to think of it, maybe we should all sue the government, because it ain't doing for us just what we want, when we want it.
I've got a solid case. Instead of my education at the public school, I preferred my education to have been on a beach in Hawaii, two hours a day, with six hours a day recess, because play is so important, as pediatricians have discovered.
Instead of the old battle-axes I had for teachers, my teacher should have been a good-looking young college graduate that wore shorts and a tee shirt, with the tee shirt being entirely optional.
For lunch, instead of the abominable cafeteria food they fed us--leathery soybean burgers with greasy tater tots as "vegetables"--replace that with chocolate milk and a choice of fresh lobster, rib eye steak, ribs, scallops, or fried chicken every day.
I doubt my legal case would get very far, because I can't afford fancy lawyers like AIG's ingrates. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you-- AIG! --AGH! --I think they bit the middle finger I was giving them.
The leadership of AIG notes, "Our duty isn't to the country, it is to the shareholder."
Come to think of it, maybe we should all sue the government, because it ain't doing for us just what we want, when we want it.
I've got a solid case. Instead of my education at the public school, I preferred my education to have been on a beach in Hawaii, two hours a day, with six hours a day recess, because play is so important, as pediatricians have discovered.
Instead of the old battle-axes I had for teachers, my teacher should have been a good-looking young college graduate that wore shorts and a tee shirt, with the tee shirt being entirely optional.
For lunch, instead of the abominable cafeteria food they fed us--leathery soybean burgers with greasy tater tots as "vegetables"--replace that with chocolate milk and a choice of fresh lobster, rib eye steak, ribs, scallops, or fried chicken every day.
I doubt my legal case would get very far, because I can't afford fancy lawyers like AIG's ingrates. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you-- AIG! --AGH! --I think they bit the middle finger I was giving them.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Maroney and Obama / Not Impressed
The Chicago Sun-Times offers a high-resolution version of the famous photo of Gymnast Maroney and President Obama posing together with Maroney's trademark "Not Impressed" look. I got a big laugh out of the picture. I don't see how anyone could not like Obama as a person. He's very likeable. The man's political instincts are awesome as well. I think he is very happy that he won reelection and that his happiness has made him stronger and more alive. I know his job is very difficult, but he has reached a point in his career when he feels like he can be himself. No more elections for him. He's done with that. And I know he's happy about that at least. He deserved reelection. He has done a better job than his opponent would have. I am beginning to understand Obama's admiration for Abraham Lincoln.
As for Maroney, what a great bonus for her that she became part of an iconic photo that will find its way into histories of the United States. I imagine such a photo can only help her career in whatever she decides to do.
As for Maroney, what a great bonus for her that she became part of an iconic photo that will find its way into histories of the United States. I imagine such a photo can only help her career in whatever she decides to do.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Amoeba
According to Buddhism, the current life is karmic retribution for misdeeds committed in the previous existence. In my former life, I was an amoeba in southern Ukraine for 271.1 seconds before being lysed by hydrogen peroxide released by a neighboring microorganism. In order to progress toward Nirvana, I must deploy my pseudopodia in accord with "The Middle Way."
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Santorum
Santorum thinks Obama elevates the Earth above Man? I'm not quite as powerful. I can only elevate a pebble above Man. I tried two pebbles once, but juggling is not my forte.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Poetic Irony
I love this story. What's not to like? Black church becomes legal owner of KKK store.
That would be like PFLAG becoming legal owner of Michele Bachmann's husband's psychotherapy practice.
That would be like PFLAG becoming legal owner of Michele Bachmann's husband's psychotherapy practice.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Funny?
Is it bad to think this story is funny? I don't know.
Poster boy of transgender servicemen, Bradley Manning is not. I imagine a thousand mascaraed lashes rolling Heavenward.
Poster boy of transgender servicemen, Bradley Manning is not. I imagine a thousand mascaraed lashes rolling Heavenward.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Buying Gold in Online Games?!
I do not understand those of my fellow Westerners that use $$$real cash$$$ to buy imaginary gold pieces for their online games. The fact that last year Chinese slavers earned $2 billion off game-addicted Westerners by "farming gold" is bizarre. Just bizarre. I could think of other choice words, but I'm going to leave it at that. I'm sure whoever these customers are, they have enough problems as it is without anyone dumping on them.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Special Delivery
The case of the pooping postman is funny because it is unexpected.
I'd be willing to look the other way for a price. A fee of $100 would be required. If he didn't have $100 on hand, he'd have to go to the ATM and come back at the end of his shift.
Same scenario transpired two years ago when the neighbor's tree-cutter felled a tree onto my property, devastating a bush. Inspired by mafia taxation on The Sopranos, I exacted a $50 fee, in cash, on the spot. Higher rates apply for public defecation. I'd offer a twenty-five percent discount if the postman were Asian Indian, because I understand public defecation is the norm in India.
I'd be willing to look the other way for a price. A fee of $100 would be required. If he didn't have $100 on hand, he'd have to go to the ATM and come back at the end of his shift.
Same scenario transpired two years ago when the neighbor's tree-cutter felled a tree onto my property, devastating a bush. Inspired by mafia taxation on The Sopranos, I exacted a $50 fee, in cash, on the spot. Higher rates apply for public defecation. I'd offer a twenty-five percent discount if the postman were Asian Indian, because I understand public defecation is the norm in India.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
There is a Publisher
Some writers are told "No" so often that they give up writing and are effectively silenced forever. I am here to spread the light of hope and joy. Yes, there is a publisher that seeks good writers. This publisher is rather unusual in that it does not trot out imitations of bestsellers, but looks for original content. To submit your manuscript, build a spaceship and travel millions of light-years. I'm not sure which direction to go or how far to go. It may be necessary to hire a translator. But the odds are in favor of the determined writer.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Clumsy
Legal decisions handed down by judges are not usually hilarious, but this one is. I think Judge Ed Carnes may have a second career awaiting him as a humorist.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
A Stimulus Story
$800,000 of the stimulus money was used to teach African men how to wash their uncircumcised genitals.
Perhaps the stimulus managed to stimulate something after all.
Perhaps the stimulus managed to stimulate something after all.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A Paradise on Earth for Republicans
There is a country on earth tailor-made for the Republican Party. In this country, gays are done away with. The army is dominated by the aptly named Republican Guards, who enforce good old-fashioned Republican values. Protesters are beaten, imprisoned and raped. Public affection is punished by torture. This is the ultimate fulfillment of the Republican worldview. This country has everything the Republicans want: state-sponsored religion, violence, guns, torture, prohibition of everything except religion, militarization, disregard for the rights of minorities, and widespread censorship. What's not to like, Republicans?
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