Showing posts with label stories and essays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories and essays. Show all posts
Thursday, September 7, 2017
The Neighbor's Dog
Friday, April 1, 2016
Reinvention
A good skill I developed is reinvention. I have the capability of reinventing myself. I can reduce this trait, increase that trait, in order to cope more effectively with my environment. Some have less of this capability, and I pity them.
Why persist in behavior that produces results contrary to one's interests?
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds." I think Emerson wrote that, although Longfellow also may have. I first saw the quote not in a book or classroom, but in a ward. A counselor that I liked, a fine physical specimen who was the most effective counselor, the most perceptive, and one that gave me good advice, had written the phrase on a marker board. I doubt any of the others understood. But I place great stock in the written word, in ideas. I remember the ideas, when I have forgotten the names of every person in that strange place, even the ones that liked me, or that I liked, or that hated me, or that I hated. The only name I remember is that of a doctor. He was strange, alien, cold. I have no use for such doctors. I think the process of getting the doctorate annihilates competence. Perhaps the doctorate programs are wrongheaded and rife with corruption. But he didn't matter. None of the stupid doctors mattered. The only reason I remember his name is because I wrote a story about him. I deleted it decades later, because I felt like he didn't matter and the story didn't matter. The memory had no basis for surviving. One day, it will be gone.
One adapts. Already I am getting close to what is needed in the role I find myself in. There are just some tweaks that need to be made. Silence, patience, watchfulness, preparation, and deliberateness. These are the traits I need most.
Why persist in behavior that produces results contrary to one's interests?
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds." I think Emerson wrote that, although Longfellow also may have. I first saw the quote not in a book or classroom, but in a ward. A counselor that I liked, a fine physical specimen who was the most effective counselor, the most perceptive, and one that gave me good advice, had written the phrase on a marker board. I doubt any of the others understood. But I place great stock in the written word, in ideas. I remember the ideas, when I have forgotten the names of every person in that strange place, even the ones that liked me, or that I liked, or that hated me, or that I hated. The only name I remember is that of a doctor. He was strange, alien, cold. I have no use for such doctors. I think the process of getting the doctorate annihilates competence. Perhaps the doctorate programs are wrongheaded and rife with corruption. But he didn't matter. None of the stupid doctors mattered. The only reason I remember his name is because I wrote a story about him. I deleted it decades later, because I felt like he didn't matter and the story didn't matter. The memory had no basis for surviving. One day, it will be gone.
One adapts. Already I am getting close to what is needed in the role I find myself in. There are just some tweaks that need to be made. Silence, patience, watchfulness, preparation, and deliberateness. These are the traits I need most.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Weed Say Nay
Weed Say Go
When forgotten is the one that fed us in ancientdom,
and spirit has need to feed, then feed it may on weed.
Weed Say Nay
When spirit knows not pain,
then in the material world remain,
For that too has many wonders.
I find that weed makes me moderate and mild, a wall-flower content to be a wall-flower. Of course it is not easy to be productive under the influence. There are times when I think weed can be helpful, but perhaps it is mainly for vacationers and retirees who have time and resources to spend traveling in the spirit world.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Death Has Many Splendours
In another time and place, I knelt before him and said, "Master, is it true what they have told me, that death has many splendours?"
The answer I was given cannot be translated into this world, because the knowledge is forbidden.
The answer I was given cannot be translated into this world, because the knowledge is forbidden.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Three Words
Three words the dying hermit taught to Mustafa were morda, a lesser ward that can be used at will, malcipiter, a greater ward with some risk, and ooshtah, which attracts attention like a beacon in the darkness. How these words are said is important. By themselves they are mere babble, but spoken in the right manner, they achieve substance.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Means to an End
It is natural to compare marijuana with alcohol, because society on the one hand permits alcohol, and just recently, in the last hundred years, has made marijuana illegal. Marijuana users are persecuted by nearly every government in the modern world. New, radical laws defy thousands of years of tradition when marijuana was legal to grow, sell, and use. Neither did our Founding Fathers nor the ancient world ban marijuana. The plant was never perceived as a problem until the corrupt and racist politicians made it so. All these things that I write are well-documented and can be confirmed by those that are interested in the truth.
Today, alcohol and marijuana are among the popular drugs, although not nearly as popular as the bearers of caffeine, chocolate and coffee. Yes, caffeine too is a drug, and unlike marijuana, is toxic. Subtle substances and influences are more dangerous, because they slip beneath our awareness. We do see in this world as through a glass darkly.
Marijuana derives from a plant grown in sunshine and is the friend of living things. Almost alone among all substances, marijuana nourishes introspection and reflection. It makes a poor party drug, as can be observed by the wider popularity of alcohol for that purpose. Alcohol suits a party because of its simplicity and predictability. In small quantities, alcohol reduces social inhibition just enough to get conversation flowing. Limiting the amount consumed poses a problem, however. For many people, inhibitions are not a problem in the first place, and one wonders, why drink at all?
Alcohol may be regarded as marijuana's opposite. Alcohol derives from Death, for it is the waste product of yeast that feeds upon decaying plant matter. Alcohol kills living cells. Men are crippled and slain by the poison. The association with death is pervasive. The physical nature reflects the spiritual. Alcohol's history with mankind is long and storied. Good men are turned bad, and bad men become worse. Drinking opens a Gateway that invites Evil into our world. Things that watch in the darkness are ever eager to use humans as their vessels. Not all puppets perceive the strings that move them.
Some do concede that marijuana is less harmful than alcohol, but fear that legalizing marijuana will result in a situation where marijuana is just one more item on the recreational menu. In the first place, it already is. Millions use, whether the thing is legal or not. Prohibition transforms ordinary folk into criminals. Our United States, the powerhouse of Prohibition, imprisons more of its people than any other nation on Earth. The very first thing that the Prohibitionist wants to do is build new prisons and make them harsher than before. In this manner, men forge hells in their paradise of Earth.
Alcohol diminishes my power. One of the best presents that I ever gave myself was nourishing my resolve to abstain from alcohol. I am in general agreement with those that say Hell is found in a bottle. Even so, I would not favor a renewal of Prohibition. It never worked in the 1930s and never will work. Prohibition offends a man's sense of liberty. Let the drinkers drink, as long as they harm none. The second clause is the difficult one. Drinkers will drink and they will act accordingly. That is why religious men have tried to ban it. But banning is a simplistic solution and fraught with difficulty, because there is a need, is there not, a need for inebriation. If there is an itch, it will be scratched. I propose not banning, but replacing, and with the replacement, improving.
The marijuana user thrives in peace and calm and is immune to boredom and restlessness. Marijuana can be a superb tool for meditation, relaxation, and exploration of the mind. Both a benefit and a potential downside of marijuana is that the user tends toward passivity and inactivity. Sometimes it is best to wait rather than act. Think of the bear, hibernating through the winter. However, when action is called for, abstinence is best. Those placed in highly demanding roles will find their performance improves through abstinence. However, do not remove marijuana from the shelf. Marijuana offers an alternative remedy for alcoholism, drug addiction, anxiety and mild depression.
I consider it a blasphemy to lace marijuana with any other substance. Thankfully this has been a rare occurrence, because marijuana consumers prefer their product to be pure and unadulterated. Any case of violence associated with marijuana use must raise an immediate suspicion that adulterants or other substances were consumed. Individuals who are prone to violence either dislike marijuana or use it as a medication to suppress their violent tendencies. When used in combination, other ingredients tend to overshadow the subtle influence of marijuana. Alcohol and marijuana together produce a zombie-like state of no value to self or others, while alcohol alone diminishes the spirit and inhibits spiritual development.
Materialists of our age bristle at abstract terms. What is meant by this suspect word, "spirit?" Seldom is it defined. Spirit can be taken to be attitude and willpower, the driving force, that which determines, perceives and acts, let us hope, with compassion and love. That is what I mean. Other qualities such as gods or magic paint our lives with color, but they should not be taken seriously. After all, we are not serious creatures. We are improved apes. If gods exist, we are their joke, their prank. If magic exists, then it follows the laws of science in every respect, and the best magicians are scientists, and the best path to magic is study. I do not hold with those who study spells, follow the movement of planets and think the worst minds of the past can refute the best minds of today.
For the ancient shaman, marijuana was a holy sacrament, indispensable for seeing things that are hidden. In our modern world, those that use marijuana for the ancient and sacred purpose comprise a tiny minority of the entire population of users, and even they have other needs from time to time. Marijuana can serve as a conduit, a means to an end, a precursor to spiritual awakening. If one maintains focus upon gaining something that is worth having, then it is possible to make the acquaintance of Athena. After all, what does a human being need most but Wisdom? Compliance is not required, because we have free will, but it is advisable to accept the Counsel of Athena, if such is offered, for it is a gift. Those that heed her wisdom know bliss. Other impulses one perceives within the Gateway, such as paranoia, seem of little value but serve a purpose, like the staff of a shepherd goading sheep away from danger and toward the right path.
Athena is another suspect word, bound to offend religionists and bemuse materialists. The name of the Entity varies among cultures and is not important, nor is it necessary to conceptualize a separate entity with a gender and a personality, for the separation is an illusion. All is One, and the Oneness can be perceived. The realization is profound and transforming. There is no separation.
Many that do not use, or that used at one time and quit, have the wrong impression about the herb. See NORML for valid information concerning marijuana. At one time, NORML was almost the only source of information, as opposed to the enormous amount of lies and half-truths about the plant being generated by the misguided governments of the world, but the world is changing. One day soon, the plant will again be legal everywhere, just as it was for most of human history. Here is why I think so. Man loves knowledge, and knowledge leads him to the following conclusions. There is no valid scientific, moral or social reason for marijuana to remain illegal; none at all. Marijuana is superior to alcohol, and the human species would profit by abandoning the lesser substance, which does great harm, in favor of the gentle herb, placed upon the Earth as a gift to Man, a plant that brings peace to those that desperately need it. I concede that Abstinence is best for most, and I remain sober for long stretches of time to function at my highest level. But if a drug is to be used, on a rare occasion, then marijuana brings the least harm of all and this is irrefutable and self-evident to those who are honest with themselves. Marijuana is a potent medicine and a spiritual sacrament, and those who claim otherwise have never used it for the proper purpose.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Sigel
After everyone had gone to sleep, I walked into the dark woods. A fell voice that I recognized called unto me, saying, “Pray, what do you desire? Is it power? Power over men, power over nature, power over life and death. Surely you want power, mortal.”
"Everyone wants power, that much is true, but I already have what is needed.”
There was a long pause as the Shadow weighed my words. Then the voice spoke again. “If not power, then knowledge. Would you learn the secrets of the world? I see much of what was, what is, and what is yet to pass.”
“So you have said, but you lied to me about the Morning Star. It is not accursed, but brings light to the hidden things of darkness.”
The Shadow said, “You should not speak this way to me, because I can destroy you.”
In my left hand was the Sigel. This I revealed, and light surrounded me. "Can you destroy the light? The light spans alpha and omega and all the points in between, and I am joined into the light. There is no end to me and no beginning. Come to me, you will be my servant now.”
And so the darkness joined into the light, and the light shone ever brighter and stronger than before.
"Everyone wants power, that much is true, but I already have what is needed.”
There was a long pause as the Shadow weighed my words. Then the voice spoke again. “If not power, then knowledge. Would you learn the secrets of the world? I see much of what was, what is, and what is yet to pass.”
“So you have said, but you lied to me about the Morning Star. It is not accursed, but brings light to the hidden things of darkness.”
The Shadow said, “You should not speak this way to me, because I can destroy you.”
In my left hand was the Sigel. This I revealed, and light surrounded me. "Can you destroy the light? The light spans alpha and omega and all the points in between, and I am joined into the light. There is no end to me and no beginning. Come to me, you will be my servant now.”
And so the darkness joined into the light, and the light shone ever brighter and stronger than before.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Cats
Between gnats and cats, I think I'd rather be a cat, a more appealing creature than a gnat. Cats are where it's at. None but a dog would refute that.
As a were-cat, I could befriend anyone worth befriending. I don't think I'd care for the diet of most house cats, though. I'd prefer to introduce myself to an old and lonely rich widow or widower, and perform tricks demonstrating superior feline intelligence. My tricks would be simple, mind you, such as standing on my hind legs and pointing up at the sky. An astonishing feat, such as communicating, would attract unwelcome notoriety, leading to scientists, confinement, experiments, x-ray machines, and dissection. As a were-cat, discretion is essential, because escape is uncertain in confined areas.
---
Cats think. They have simple minds, but they think. They are poor at using tools, only because their paws were never adapted to holding. But I have watched my cat try to open a door using the same mechanism that I use, a doorknob. He climbs up on a shelf and tries to reach the doorknob, but it is difficult to grasp, and in the end he gives up. But he often attempts to open a door from the floor-level, by reaching a paw underneath and pulling the door toward him. Sometimes he succeeds.
A cat absorbs all that is around him. He looks for routes of escape, comfortable perches, inaccessible perches and hiding places, and he remembers all those details for later reference. He keeps a mental file on every human he encounters. A human that makes a favorable impression is remembered and welcomed with much purring later. A human that makes a poor impression, most often a careless child that thinks a small creature is a toy, is feared.
Cats communicate via body language most of all. They do not vocalize like we do. They are not large predators and have to get by upon stealth, which does not favor vocalizing. If your cat vocalizes, it may be a sign of learned behavior modeled upon its adoptive parent. My cat sometimes makes an utterance for no other reason than it feels bored and craves attention. This is not typical catlike behavior.
Cats are simple creatures, free of the intellectual noise of a human brain. They are not complex, but have a limited scope of thoughts. Their feelings, however, have a wider range. They are capable of just as many feelings as we are. I have seen my cats express jealousy of each other and envy of each other. They sometimes express loneliness, or fear of abandonment. Our cats know when we are about to leave on a vacation, and they don't like it at all. Cats dislike change of any kind. They prefer routine.
To read a cat's thoughts, examine its face and tail. The tail betrays irritation. If the tail twitches, the cat is annoyed or wants to use the litter box. The face expresses emotion. The eyes of a cat can be read in much the same way as the eyes of a human. As with us, a cat's narrowed eyes indicate suspicion, wrath, misgiving. Open, wide eyes may mean fear, especially if the rest of the body is tense, as though preparing for flight, or if it hunches down to make itself appear smaller. On the other hand, large eyes may mean happiness and affection, especially if it seems relaxed and cooperative.
Cats do love, but they are selfish and have a dim understanding and appreciation for what love means. Never expect consideration or sympathy from a cat when you are sick. However, a cat will return affection to a certain extent, in its own way and under its own terms.
Cats are not skilled at reading the thoughts of human beings. To them, we are mysterious giants with certain god-like powers, such as the power over light and darkness, but they soon discover that we are slow, unstealthy, and sometimes behave in ways beyond their comprehension. Cats prefer predictability, and humans are not always predictable. The phone may ring, and a few minutes later a human leaves the house for several days. The cat does not know why. It is bizarre, another strange human custom that cannot be explained.
Remember that a cat is a tiny guest, deserving care and consideration. If not raised under human supervision, it would fear us in the natural world by instinct due to our massive size. A tame animal must be treated with gentleness, so that it remains tame and does not learn to fear humans. Once a cat begins to fear humans, it will hide all the time under beds and tables and only come out for brief periods to feed. This makes a poor pet of little value to anyone, and the animal will not be happy about things either.
They do not understand all the reasons for why humans do what they do, but their fear of us leads them to follow certain rules, such as using the litter box, or refraining from the destruction of furniture. Other rules they may never master. It is better not to try to teach very much to a cat. If you can potty-train a cat, that should be enough.
I have never been able to break the cat of the habit of drinking out of the toilet. It will get a drink while I'm not looking, and the only way I know what it has done is by the wetness of its arms and face. The best solution I found is to leave the toilet seat cover down.
My cat comes when called by its name, but only sometimes. This was a voluntary habit that it learned as a result of my rewarding it with praise when it came. If other people are around, it will not obey. If it is too tired, it will not obey. Cats view commands as requests made by a friend, subject to refusal. That is how we should view our commands, as well.
As a were-cat, I could befriend anyone worth befriending. I don't think I'd care for the diet of most house cats, though. I'd prefer to introduce myself to an old and lonely rich widow or widower, and perform tricks demonstrating superior feline intelligence. My tricks would be simple, mind you, such as standing on my hind legs and pointing up at the sky. An astonishing feat, such as communicating, would attract unwelcome notoriety, leading to scientists, confinement, experiments, x-ray machines, and dissection. As a were-cat, discretion is essential, because escape is uncertain in confined areas.
---
Cats think. They have simple minds, but they think. They are poor at using tools, only because their paws were never adapted to holding. But I have watched my cat try to open a door using the same mechanism that I use, a doorknob. He climbs up on a shelf and tries to reach the doorknob, but it is difficult to grasp, and in the end he gives up. But he often attempts to open a door from the floor-level, by reaching a paw underneath and pulling the door toward him. Sometimes he succeeds.
A cat absorbs all that is around him. He looks for routes of escape, comfortable perches, inaccessible perches and hiding places, and he remembers all those details for later reference. He keeps a mental file on every human he encounters. A human that makes a favorable impression is remembered and welcomed with much purring later. A human that makes a poor impression, most often a careless child that thinks a small creature is a toy, is feared.
Cats communicate via body language most of all. They do not vocalize like we do. They are not large predators and have to get by upon stealth, which does not favor vocalizing. If your cat vocalizes, it may be a sign of learned behavior modeled upon its adoptive parent. My cat sometimes makes an utterance for no other reason than it feels bored and craves attention. This is not typical catlike behavior.
Cats are simple creatures, free of the intellectual noise of a human brain. They are not complex, but have a limited scope of thoughts. Their feelings, however, have a wider range. They are capable of just as many feelings as we are. I have seen my cats express jealousy of each other and envy of each other. They sometimes express loneliness, or fear of abandonment. Our cats know when we are about to leave on a vacation, and they don't like it at all. Cats dislike change of any kind. They prefer routine.
To read a cat's thoughts, examine its face and tail. The tail betrays irritation. If the tail twitches, the cat is annoyed or wants to use the litter box. The face expresses emotion. The eyes of a cat can be read in much the same way as the eyes of a human. As with us, a cat's narrowed eyes indicate suspicion, wrath, misgiving. Open, wide eyes may mean fear, especially if the rest of the body is tense, as though preparing for flight, or if it hunches down to make itself appear smaller. On the other hand, large eyes may mean happiness and affection, especially if it seems relaxed and cooperative.
Cats do love, but they are selfish and have a dim understanding and appreciation for what love means. Never expect consideration or sympathy from a cat when you are sick. However, a cat will return affection to a certain extent, in its own way and under its own terms.
Cats are not skilled at reading the thoughts of human beings. To them, we are mysterious giants with certain god-like powers, such as the power over light and darkness, but they soon discover that we are slow, unstealthy, and sometimes behave in ways beyond their comprehension. Cats prefer predictability, and humans are not always predictable. The phone may ring, and a few minutes later a human leaves the house for several days. The cat does not know why. It is bizarre, another strange human custom that cannot be explained.
Remember that a cat is a tiny guest, deserving care and consideration. If not raised under human supervision, it would fear us in the natural world by instinct due to our massive size. A tame animal must be treated with gentleness, so that it remains tame and does not learn to fear humans. Once a cat begins to fear humans, it will hide all the time under beds and tables and only come out for brief periods to feed. This makes a poor pet of little value to anyone, and the animal will not be happy about things either.
They do not understand all the reasons for why humans do what they do, but their fear of us leads them to follow certain rules, such as using the litter box, or refraining from the destruction of furniture. Other rules they may never master. It is better not to try to teach very much to a cat. If you can potty-train a cat, that should be enough.
I have never been able to break the cat of the habit of drinking out of the toilet. It will get a drink while I'm not looking, and the only way I know what it has done is by the wetness of its arms and face. The best solution I found is to leave the toilet seat cover down.
My cat comes when called by its name, but only sometimes. This was a voluntary habit that it learned as a result of my rewarding it with praise when it came. If other people are around, it will not obey. If it is too tired, it will not obey. Cats view commands as requests made by a friend, subject to refusal. That is how we should view our commands, as well.
Gnats
I have an infestation of gnats in my study. They are attracted to my LCD monitor, where I swat them. I'm as fast with my hands as a frog with his tongue. Well, maybe not quite that fast, but close.
I'm in awe of frogs. How can they remain stock still for hours on end, only to launch a lightening-fast attack? I hope to watch a documentary one day about frogs that explains all. About gnats, I have less interest. I understand that most of their body is composed of their jaw (or is that the flea? I don't recall).
---
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to retain all my brains, such as they are, and assume the form of a gnat. I could observe all the details of other people's lives without their being aware.
I prefer to imagine not being swatted, sprayed with insecticide, or being seized by a Venus Flytrap. Upon reflection, there are many hazards attending the life of a gnat. The sole advantage is espionage.
If I could be a gnat for a day, visit the headquarters of the rich and powerful, and then fly back home and resume the form of a human being, then I could put whatever information I obtained to good use. Maybe I could uncover scandals or crimes of great importance to the public. Or maybe I would learn of a certain stock to buy or sell at great profit, the same sort of behavior that sent Martha Stewart to prison.
I wonder if I would prove equal to the ethical challenges of being a were-gnat. I hope that I would be a good were-gnat and try to make the world a better place, rather than just enriching myself at the expense of others, as so many other lycanthropes do.
---
Spell to Surrender to Sleep
A fear that enforces wakefulness may seem large and threatening, but it is a gnat in need of swatting. You are more powerful than that which you fear. Remember that life and death are not serious alternatives, but only seem so for a brief span of time. Power surrounds you and nourishes you even in the darkness. Though your ears remain alert for the approach of danger, sleep, sleep, sleep and dream, just as your ancestors did in the wilderness long ago, and remember your dreams, for they will guide you.
I'm in awe of frogs. How can they remain stock still for hours on end, only to launch a lightening-fast attack? I hope to watch a documentary one day about frogs that explains all. About gnats, I have less interest. I understand that most of their body is composed of their jaw (or is that the flea? I don't recall).
---
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to retain all my brains, such as they are, and assume the form of a gnat. I could observe all the details of other people's lives without their being aware.
I prefer to imagine not being swatted, sprayed with insecticide, or being seized by a Venus Flytrap. Upon reflection, there are many hazards attending the life of a gnat. The sole advantage is espionage.
If I could be a gnat for a day, visit the headquarters of the rich and powerful, and then fly back home and resume the form of a human being, then I could put whatever information I obtained to good use. Maybe I could uncover scandals or crimes of great importance to the public. Or maybe I would learn of a certain stock to buy or sell at great profit, the same sort of behavior that sent Martha Stewart to prison.
I wonder if I would prove equal to the ethical challenges of being a were-gnat. I hope that I would be a good were-gnat and try to make the world a better place, rather than just enriching myself at the expense of others, as so many other lycanthropes do.
---
Spell to Surrender to Sleep
A fear that enforces wakefulness may seem large and threatening, but it is a gnat in need of swatting. You are more powerful than that which you fear. Remember that life and death are not serious alternatives, but only seem so for a brief span of time. Power surrounds you and nourishes you even in the darkness. Though your ears remain alert for the approach of danger, sleep, sleep, sleep and dream, just as your ancestors did in the wilderness long ago, and remember your dreams, for they will guide you.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Ant Bite
Last year, I was walking through the backyard when an ant bit me on the ankle. I was astounded! What had I ever done to the ant?
The neighbor to the right, Mrs. London, offered assistance, and the neighbor to the left, Mrs. Paris, offered advice. I accepted the assistance, but rejected the advice. Who wants advice, in a time like this? I already know everything there is to know! I told Mrs. Paris to mind her own damn business. She said she was just trying to help. I reminded her of that time when she came to me asking to borrow sugar. Honestly, the nerve of some people!
My reaction was heroic, because I'm a hero. First of all, I took out a huge loan from the Bank of China. They are so friendly and accommodating at the Bank of China! They said my credit is good for the time being and not to worry about anything. They were very pleased to have my business, let me tell you. I'm not a big fan of debt, but when something like this happens, you have to be prepared to go into debt, because after all, this is war, and war is more important than anything else. No one really wants to go on living after getting bit by an ant!
I used all the money to dynamite the backyard, bulldoze the house, and set everything on fire. Now the house is in ruins, but those ants... I bet they learned a really good lesson! I even took out my magnifying glass and tortured a few ants with the rays of the Sun. Oh, I really taught those ants a thing or two, let me tell you!
The funny thing is, those ants seem to keep coming back. The world is a dangerous place, I'm afraid. The only thing to do is to keep taking out more debt and keep on dynamiting. If I blow up enough stuff, eventually everyone will know just how good I am.
Now if I could just get the Bank of China to forget that huge debt.
The neighbor to the right, Mrs. London, offered assistance, and the neighbor to the left, Mrs. Paris, offered advice. I accepted the assistance, but rejected the advice. Who wants advice, in a time like this? I already know everything there is to know! I told Mrs. Paris to mind her own damn business. She said she was just trying to help. I reminded her of that time when she came to me asking to borrow sugar. Honestly, the nerve of some people!
My reaction was heroic, because I'm a hero. First of all, I took out a huge loan from the Bank of China. They are so friendly and accommodating at the Bank of China! They said my credit is good for the time being and not to worry about anything. They were very pleased to have my business, let me tell you. I'm not a big fan of debt, but when something like this happens, you have to be prepared to go into debt, because after all, this is war, and war is more important than anything else. No one really wants to go on living after getting bit by an ant!
I used all the money to dynamite the backyard, bulldoze the house, and set everything on fire. Now the house is in ruins, but those ants... I bet they learned a really good lesson! I even took out my magnifying glass and tortured a few ants with the rays of the Sun. Oh, I really taught those ants a thing or two, let me tell you!
The funny thing is, those ants seem to keep coming back. The world is a dangerous place, I'm afraid. The only thing to do is to keep taking out more debt and keep on dynamiting. If I blow up enough stuff, eventually everyone will know just how good I am.
Now if I could just get the Bank of China to forget that huge debt.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Mummy
One night I was trying to sleep once again when I heard a scratching at my window. I got a rusty butter knife and crept around the back to see what sort of infernal creature was pestering me this time.
It was an individual wrapped from head to toe with white bandages, or what most people would call a Mummy. It turned in surprise and moaned upon seeing me.
I said, "You know, I don't get many mummies around here. Mostly it's just the stray vampire or demon. Aren't you a little out of time and place? They stopped manufacturing mummies a long time ago."
The Mummy tilted his head, as if considering, and said, "Ten thousand apologies. You are correct, I am lost and trying to get home. If you don't mind, point me in the direction of Egypt, please."
I said, "That's a tough one. I know the general direction, but a slight variance in the angle of my finger could send you to South Africa, rather than Egypt. Besides, there is the small matter of the Atlantic Ocean. Not a good thing for your bandages."
The Mummy slumped its shoulders. "I just want to go home." It sounded pitiful.
I walked up next to it and put my arm around its neck in consolation, although I regretted this, because the Mummy had a bad case of body odor. I said, "Look, nowadays people just use Google Maps. You need to get on the Internet. But I can't let you inside my house. I don't mean to be blunt, but I don't know any other way to put this. . . frankly, you smell bad, and your looks don't favor you either. Go to Wal-Mart and buy yourself some clothes and deodorant. So many freaks go to Wal-Mart at night, they won't notice one more freak like you. Do you have any money?"
The Mummy shook its head sadly.
"What? Mummies always carry a little treasure stashed on their person somewhere. That's one of the good things about Mummies. Unwrap your bandages and look for gold amulets or scarabs. That will do the trick. I think they even have a jewelry store in Wal-Mart that buys scrap gold. Now I have to go. It's late, and humans like to sleep at night."
The Mummy bowed low, almost touching the ground. "A thousand blessings upon your house."
"Don't mention it. Wal-Mart is that way, by the way." I pointed to where I imagined it must be. Whether he (or she) ever made it, I have no idea.
It was an individual wrapped from head to toe with white bandages, or what most people would call a Mummy. It turned in surprise and moaned upon seeing me.
I said, "You know, I don't get many mummies around here. Mostly it's just the stray vampire or demon. Aren't you a little out of time and place? They stopped manufacturing mummies a long time ago."
The Mummy tilted his head, as if considering, and said, "Ten thousand apologies. You are correct, I am lost and trying to get home. If you don't mind, point me in the direction of Egypt, please."
I said, "That's a tough one. I know the general direction, but a slight variance in the angle of my finger could send you to South Africa, rather than Egypt. Besides, there is the small matter of the Atlantic Ocean. Not a good thing for your bandages."
The Mummy slumped its shoulders. "I just want to go home." It sounded pitiful.
I walked up next to it and put my arm around its neck in consolation, although I regretted this, because the Mummy had a bad case of body odor. I said, "Look, nowadays people just use Google Maps. You need to get on the Internet. But I can't let you inside my house. I don't mean to be blunt, but I don't know any other way to put this. . . frankly, you smell bad, and your looks don't favor you either. Go to Wal-Mart and buy yourself some clothes and deodorant. So many freaks go to Wal-Mart at night, they won't notice one more freak like you. Do you have any money?"
The Mummy shook its head sadly.
"What? Mummies always carry a little treasure stashed on their person somewhere. That's one of the good things about Mummies. Unwrap your bandages and look for gold amulets or scarabs. That will do the trick. I think they even have a jewelry store in Wal-Mart that buys scrap gold. Now I have to go. It's late, and humans like to sleep at night."
The Mummy bowed low, almost touching the ground. "A thousand blessings upon your house."
"Don't mention it. Wal-Mart is that way, by the way." I pointed to where I imagined it must be. Whether he (or she) ever made it, I have no idea.
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Universe as a Body
I've been reading Hesiod's "Theogony", and after a chapter on gods and the origin of things, I got to thinking about theology. I decided to write a new theology. Behold the theology of "Omni". Remember that in theology, logic is unnecessary. Theology only explains. It does not need to make sense.
What if each human being is a part of a collective body that includes all things? The Universe, instead of being an assembly of particles, may be a vast, single, living, conscious and self-aware organism. I may be unaware of the greater entity, just as a cell in my body is unaware of me. The individual cell serves the perceived interest of the greater entity even to the detriment of its own interest. "E pluribus unum."
The Universe operates in an environment larger than the one we have seen. We see only its body. As within ourselves, irrationality is in the core nature of the Universe, which explains the bizarre effects noted in quantum theory.
If the greater unit were perfect, then we, the smaller components, would also be perfect, but we are not, and the Universe, which comprises us and everything else, is not, either. The being suffers from its own peculiar species of ailments, just as we do. This leads to disturbances such as black holes. The Universe is neither omnipotent nor omniscient. As we suffer, so does the Universe suffer from problems for which it has no solutions. There is a plan, which evolves as do plans within the human mind, but this plan is not infallible.
What if each human being is a part of a collective body that includes all things? The Universe, instead of being an assembly of particles, may be a vast, single, living, conscious and self-aware organism. I may be unaware of the greater entity, just as a cell in my body is unaware of me. The individual cell serves the perceived interest of the greater entity even to the detriment of its own interest. "E pluribus unum."
The Universe operates in an environment larger than the one we have seen. We see only its body. As within ourselves, irrationality is in the core nature of the Universe, which explains the bizarre effects noted in quantum theory.
If the greater unit were perfect, then we, the smaller components, would also be perfect, but we are not, and the Universe, which comprises us and everything else, is not, either. The being suffers from its own peculiar species of ailments, just as we do. This leads to disturbances such as black holes. The Universe is neither omnipotent nor omniscient. As we suffer, so does the Universe suffer from problems for which it has no solutions. There is a plan, which evolves as do plans within the human mind, but this plan is not infallible.
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