Bullies

Life is like a game of chess. As a player, one develops strategies for dealing with specific situations. Our strategies are in continual need of repair and refinement. As we get older, our strategies tend to get better, but only because we are improving them all the time.

No one likes to make mistakes, but they are valuable. Every person who wants to become wise must be willing to make their fair share of mistakes. Every wise person was once a fool. It was being a fool that taught them to be wise. Learn from mistakes. Learn from enemies, as well. Enemies are the most vivid representations of mistakes.

Enemies become so because they are flawed in their minds. Something is wrong in their psychology, making them want to harm others. Enemies are examples of what we do not want to become, ever. Look inside yourself and seek that which you share in common with your enemy and root it out, because it is unworthy.

The best lessons in life are obtained not from friends, but from enemies, which is cheaper, because we need show them no gratitude at all. Take from them wisdom and give them nothing in return.

Learning to deal with enemies helps to avoid all sorts of unpleasant scenarios. I like to reflect upon individuals who did me wrong, because it helps to avoid ineffective strategies in the future. Anger or sadness interfere with learning and are not useful emotions. Avoid these irrational states through whatever means are at your disposal. With dispassion, it is possible to identify weaknesses and resolve to correct them in the future, while identifying and accentuating strengths. Thinking in cold blood is the only effective manner to make practical improvements.

When I was growing up, I was taught to avoid violence, but the bullies practiced it, because it was what they knew. In order to resist a bully, of course it helps to become stronger. Exercise helps, as does practice in fighting, but these are not always practical for smaller individuals on short notice. Physical training helps in the long term, but not in a single year, and some will never become as strong as the bullies. Macho types suppose that a weight set and a punching bag are the answer for everyone.

In ninth grade, we had to sit in an assigned seating order in the required Physical Education class. If a student was found outside of the assigned seating order, detentions would follow. A bully sat behind me, and to this day I remember his face, his name, and the sound of his voice. We had to face forward, because that was one of the stupid rules that our P.E. teacher had. This bully often hit me while my back was turned. He formed his fist with the middle finger's middle joint protruding, so that it felt like a stick stabbing into my kidneys. He liked to boast about scoring a "kidney shot" that left bruises that lasted through the week. Although I was his favorite, he liked to spread the suffering around, and beat others as well, even a karate student who lifted weights and all that jazz.

He was all too willing to fight, but I was not, because it was against the rules, and rules were important to me. I was afraid, not just of him, but of what I might do if I ever let myself go. I was afraid of the consequences afterward. Many people have such fears, when they are confronted with unexpected violence. It was a form of torture that persisted for months, and I will carry the memory to my grave. The P.E. teacher was a stupid redneck. I complained many times, but he was not even willing to change the assigned seating order. He gave me a detention when I complained, because in his view, I was pestering him. Sometimes I wonder whether he is enjoying his retirement, and whether he should be.

If a victim complains to the authorities, such as teachers, the principal, and parents, and if the authorities continue to permit violence to occur, turning a blind eye to it, then a message is being sent to both the bully and the victim. The bully sees this as encouragement to continue his abuse. The victim must interpret the message in a different manner. It is encouragement to resist through any means possible. Suffering brings contempt of life, which in turn bestows the gift of courage. The rules of the day may be disregarded. Ancient rules apply instead. Do what is necessary and do it with precision.

The bullies of high school served later in life as case examples, which helped me to identify new specimens as I encountered them. A bully craves schadenfreuden to fill the void inside their soul. In my early years, bullies were drawn to me. It is just the same with lions and wildebeest. I learned to be a wily wildebeest. Where I saw effective strategies, I tried to adopt them. Where I saw ineffective strategies, I remembered to avoid them. Clues are all around us. We only have to watch and listen.

When I encountered similar bullies out at work, they did not find me to be such an easy mark. I did not adopt the same flawed strategies that had been tried before without success. Over the years, I made modifications to my algorithm. Bullies would ply their dark art, because it is all that they know to do, but I never gave them any satisfaction, and ensured that there were tangible costs associated with antagonizing me. I watched many of them fail at everything to which they set their hand. Bullies fail in the end, because they cannot expect any help from others, and they tend not to be intelligent in the first place. The real victim is the bully, who makes unnecessary enemies, even turning upon their own friends and family in the end.