I detest vampires because they're not useful. Instead of sucking blood, they should suck fat. Then they could coexist with humankind and even become lucrative entrepreneurs. I would pay a vampire a hundred dollars per pound safely removed. If the vampire obtains nourishment thereby, so much the better.
How come our best fiction writers can't imagine a vampire that serves, rather than harms, the human race? Perhaps they have been drawing inspiration from our leaders all these years.
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