Doing evil is a burden on the soul. Sometimes I hurt another unintentionally with careless words, spoken without thinking. My filter is not intact. Sometimes I blurt out what I am thinking, having calculated it is socially acceptable, without evaluating whether the words will hurt another person's feelings. Sometimes it is difficult to really know whether a remark will be taken in jest or taken ill. I think fatigue plays a role in this ethical lapse. My body may be taxed by a virus, and my mind exhausted by fatigue. I may have slept poorly the night before. I have many excuses, but nothing seems to ease the pain of knowing that one's words have done psychological harm to another, especially a person that one otherwise admires.
I am reminded of an ancient incident. Possibly no one remembers it now except for me. I learned certain lessons from the experience, but don't always practice what I know 100% of the time. To be sure, when I'm fully rested, my batteries fully charged, I usually conduct myself better.
#
In my tenth year, my friend Joe was out with a cold. For the first time that year, I sat alone in the school cafeteria at lunch. I was eating a dry and leathery soybean burger and washing it down with sips of chocolate milk, a nasty combination. I wasn’t in the best of spirits, and I felt it was just as well that Joe wasn’t at school today, because I might say the wrong thing and offend him.
The night before, I had played my mom and dad at Risk for three hours. The two of us eliminated Mom’s military forces in less than thirty minutes. The game changed into a battle between my father and me. The game was longer than most, spanning three hours, but in the end, I lost as my father invaded my stronghold in Australia and destroyed the last of my armies. I wept. My father shook his head in anger. He said, “Why are you crying? You’re taking all of the fun out of the game for me. Why are you taking it so seriously?”
I had cried because my dad wasn’t a great military genius. Losing to my dad meant that I wasn’t as clever as my idol, Napoleon. I was not born to dominate others, to conquer and to rule. My fate would be different. If I wasn’t borne to be a conqueror, then I must become one of the vanquished. This is why tears fell from my eyes. All I ever wished to do back then was be the last one standing in all the games I played.
#
From the corner of my eye, I saw Alice standing before me with her tray in her hands.
Alice said, “Is it okay if I sit here?”
My heart quickened with surprise. I looked away and waved my hand in the air. “I guess.”
She took a step toward me and then paused. “Sure you don’t mind?”
My voice softened. “Nah, make yourself at home.”
She laid her tray on the table and sat down. As she opened her chocolate milk carton, I said, “How come you’re not sitting with your friends?”
“Oh, I don’t know. They’re kind of boring sometimes.”
In a sarcastic tone, I said, “Well, I’ll try my best not to bore you, then.”
She laughed, as though I was just teasing her. Her eyes were gleaming with happiness. I couldn’t imagine the reason. She was insane. I took another bite of the bland soybean burger. She took my cue and started eating. After we had finished our food and were sitting idle, she said, “I was in gifted class all day yesterday. You might have missed me.”
The mention of this gifted class struck a bad chord in me, because I desperately wanted in. “Missed you?” I said coolly.
“Gifted class is so much fun!” She smiled.
I gripped the empty carton of chocolate milk until it crumpled in my fist.
"We did an experiment in gifted class yesterday. The teacher had us all bring old shoeboxes from home. We lined them with aluminum foil and placed them on windowsills where they caught the Sun. We did something else and then around lunchtime, we found that the hot dogs were cooked and ready to eat! It was a demonstration of solar power. Neat, huh?”
“You know what?”
“What?”
“I don’t care about your stupid hot dogs. That’s what.”
She stared at me with surprise and hurt written upon her face. “I thought you were interested.”
“I’m tired of hearing you brag about the stuff you do in gifted class. So you go to gifted class! Big deal! I heard from other people that you’re stuck-up, and I have to agree. You’re just a big fat snob!”
Two or three kids turned around and looked at her, with smiles written on their faces, pleased by the unfolding drama. Alice‘s face assumed a bright red hue. Alice was on the verge of tears when she said, in a quite reasonable tone, “W-Why are you saying these things? What have I ever done to offend you?”
“Alice, we all know you think you’re smarter than everyone else! But you’re not as smart as you think you are! So just buzz off with your solar-powered hot dogs!”
She cried. Right there in the cafeteria, in front of everyone. Those who take pleasure in the suffering of others grinned at the spectacle. There was one exception. A black girl with kind-looking eyes, Charlotte, appraised the situation at a glance. She scolded me for making Alice cry.
I opened my mouth to make a witty retort, but changed my mind. In a flash I had full awareness of what I had said. I felt diminished, much diminished. In a low voice, I said, “I’m sorry, Alice.” She would not look at me. With more urgency I said, “Please forgive me.” I tried to touch her hand, but she flinched away. Through her tears, she said, “Stay away from me!”
I learned on this day that there are words that cannot be taken back. If we could live our lives over again, how perfect we would be! Each vulnerable moment would be rehearsed. Forewarned, we would avoid many temptations.
An apology only ever works in part, not in whole. The wound remains. Sometimes apologies are not accepted. People clutch the evil words that others have said to them, but dismiss praise as false or worthless, even when the praise carried more sincerity than the rash criticism spoken in haste. The analytical mind is implicated in this, because it is hungry for knowledge. There is more information contained in the exception than the norm. The analytical mind focuses upon exceptions--bad things--to satisfy its craving for answers, which may lead to a distorted perception of the overall reality. People think things are worse than they really are. In this way, they place limits upon their powers of perception. They see part, but the totality escapes them.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Complete Body Scanners at Airports
Here's a news report on the man who is being paid to promote full-body scanners at airports.
According to the mainstream media, we are now willing to let the Man look at us naked if he wants. People don't care if some stranger touches their genitals and peeks at what they have beneath their underwear. All in the name of the war against terrorism? I think that the terrorists have already won. This is a major victory all by itself, leading to the further regimentation and dehumanization of American society. We are just numbers, not people. Nothing remains private. Nothing remains personal. We're livestock, the property of the U.S. government and large multinational corporations.
This is just another consequence of permitting corporations and the government to demand urine samples from their workers. It's a consequence of the insipid war on drugs and all the sacrifices that people have made to let the government spy on them.
What's coming next is the complete elimination of the search warrant requirement. Police will simply enter any house for any reason, arrest anyone for any reason and keep them in prison for as long as they feel like it, with or without a trial. They can always make the case that this will improve security and fight terrorism.
According to the mainstream media, we are now willing to let the Man look at us naked if he wants. People don't care if some stranger touches their genitals and peeks at what they have beneath their underwear. All in the name of the war against terrorism? I think that the terrorists have already won. This is a major victory all by itself, leading to the further regimentation and dehumanization of American society. We are just numbers, not people. Nothing remains private. Nothing remains personal. We're livestock, the property of the U.S. government and large multinational corporations.
This is just another consequence of permitting corporations and the government to demand urine samples from their workers. It's a consequence of the insipid war on drugs and all the sacrifices that people have made to let the government spy on them.
What's coming next is the complete elimination of the search warrant requirement. Police will simply enter any house for any reason, arrest anyone for any reason and keep them in prison for as long as they feel like it, with or without a trial. They can always make the case that this will improve security and fight terrorism.
Impermanence
I don't know which will break down first--my car, which despite being eighteen is far past its prime, or my body. Yesterday in class, I felt a numbness in the tips of my left fingers. I don't know what could have caused it, other than eating too much candy in the morning. Maybe I'm getting close to a diagnosis of diabetes. I usually avoid sugary treats on general principles. But my body may have developed insulin resistance anyway due to my habit of sweetening tea and coffee.
Add that complaint to chronic lower back pain that never seems to go away, and arthritic pain in various joints, and not the fun kind of joints either. I'm reminded of a meeting at my previous job when the middle-aged managers and senior programmers sat around bitching about their "failing body parts" for the better part of an hour. Now I'm at the stage where I can do that too. It makes one aware of death, first of all, that the end is in sight, at least, no longer hidden behind the horizon. And it makes one worry about the future, about becoming incapacitated in some way or losing functionality for good.
My response is stoicism, because there's not much I can do besides diet and exercise, which only help so much. I know all of the good things that one can do to fend off ailments. I try to sunbathe whenever conditions are favorable in order to absorb valuable vitamin D. I go for walks on a regular basis, although probably not as often as I should. I avoid the desserts that all my other friends crave.
The thought of death does not really bother me as much as it seems to bother other people. I like living, of course. But if I'm dead, well then, there's nothing to worry about. The main thing is to take each day as it comes and do the best that one can, so as to make a good impression on others and set a good example for others. To be well-liked and well-thought of supplies motivation for most people. One exists because one loves the world and the people, animals and things that are in it. One wants what is best for them.
I really wish that more people would move past the God nonsense when discussing life, death and the human existence. People say, "God wants me to do this," or "God will take care of things." Both sentiments seem dangerous to me. People are placing the label "God" upon their own impulses. God stops all discussion. It's just a big elephant trampling upon philosophy, science, and psychology. Suddenly there's God, and that explains everything.
My professor makes the case that one should believe in God for health reasons. She claims that faith makes people healthier and happier. She didn't make the claim, "wiser," which I think is more important, but probably would have, if she had only thought about it longer. History does not support her hypothesis, and she probably knows that, but she claims science does. "There's been research." I'm sure.
How does one measure happiness, anyway? That is no small problem. Health is easy enough to measure. I suppose a group of clean-living church goers who don't drink or smoke stacks up well against the general population with its array of addictions. But in that case she is comparing against gen-pop, not atheists, who form a smaller subset. Even among atheists, there are a hundred different varieties: the moral and philosophic, the immoral, and shades in between. Some dabble in mysticism. Some attend church for the social benefits or at the urging of their spouse. Let me pick my group of atheists and compare them against a church of her choosing for health and happiness, and we will see which group is ahead.
As for theists, some are Pagan, worshiping Set, Zeus or Apollo--does she endorse that? To be consistent, she must. Perhaps if she felt at liberty to elaborate upon her beliefs, she would claim Christianity is superior to paganism or, for that matter, any other version of theism. It is one thing in our society to offend atheists. She can probably get away with that. It is quite another to offend theists. She has cunning. She knows which groups she can give offense and which groups she must avoid offending. Although staking a claim to morality, in truth she is nothing but a common bully looking for easy targets, minorities over which she can claim superiority. "Look at me, I am a believer in God like 80+% of Americans, and what is more, a heterosexual. Also, I'm healthy and happy, pure and good, and destined for Heaven. Aren't I something? Aren't I really, really something?" Yes: unoriginal, unenlightened and unpersuasive. Brag about something other than the way you were born or the beliefs that you accepted without examining them. As long as believers display arrogance, there will be new atheists created in churches and classrooms around the world.
I do not believe that atheism is lacking in resources as suggested by the oft-repeated canard, "there are no atheists in foxholes." The idea that humans are wimps that grovel back to God is preposterous. God doesn't help, anyway. My worse moment came when I suffered spinal disc herniation. My lower back sent waves of agonizing pain on a regular basis, every two to twenty minutes, for forty-eight hours or longer. It was like being tortured by an indefatigable torturer. I was immobilized and could do nothing but suffer. Sleeping was little help, because no sooner would I fall asleep than the pain would wake me up and force me to change position. If God had offered pain relief, I would have accepted it and offered my allegiance to him thereafter. Although I did not find God, I did find Ibuprofen, and my allegiance to that entity can be appreciated on various posts throughout this blog.
My professor expresses the insulting assumption that atheists are immoral, which is a common belief among theists. She will gain no converts from the atheist camp with that tactic. I say let her continue to insult, to display arrogance. I would not give her advice. She would not have any of it, anyway.
Add that complaint to chronic lower back pain that never seems to go away, and arthritic pain in various joints, and not the fun kind of joints either. I'm reminded of a meeting at my previous job when the middle-aged managers and senior programmers sat around bitching about their "failing body parts" for the better part of an hour. Now I'm at the stage where I can do that too. It makes one aware of death, first of all, that the end is in sight, at least, no longer hidden behind the horizon. And it makes one worry about the future, about becoming incapacitated in some way or losing functionality for good.
My response is stoicism, because there's not much I can do besides diet and exercise, which only help so much. I know all of the good things that one can do to fend off ailments. I try to sunbathe whenever conditions are favorable in order to absorb valuable vitamin D. I go for walks on a regular basis, although probably not as often as I should. I avoid the desserts that all my other friends crave.
The thought of death does not really bother me as much as it seems to bother other people. I like living, of course. But if I'm dead, well then, there's nothing to worry about. The main thing is to take each day as it comes and do the best that one can, so as to make a good impression on others and set a good example for others. To be well-liked and well-thought of supplies motivation for most people. One exists because one loves the world and the people, animals and things that are in it. One wants what is best for them.
I really wish that more people would move past the God nonsense when discussing life, death and the human existence. People say, "God wants me to do this," or "God will take care of things." Both sentiments seem dangerous to me. People are placing the label "God" upon their own impulses. God stops all discussion. It's just a big elephant trampling upon philosophy, science, and psychology. Suddenly there's God, and that explains everything.
My professor makes the case that one should believe in God for health reasons. She claims that faith makes people healthier and happier. She didn't make the claim, "wiser," which I think is more important, but probably would have, if she had only thought about it longer. History does not support her hypothesis, and she probably knows that, but she claims science does. "There's been research." I'm sure.
How does one measure happiness, anyway? That is no small problem. Health is easy enough to measure. I suppose a group of clean-living church goers who don't drink or smoke stacks up well against the general population with its array of addictions. But in that case she is comparing against gen-pop, not atheists, who form a smaller subset. Even among atheists, there are a hundred different varieties: the moral and philosophic, the immoral, and shades in between. Some dabble in mysticism. Some attend church for the social benefits or at the urging of their spouse. Let me pick my group of atheists and compare them against a church of her choosing for health and happiness, and we will see which group is ahead.
As for theists, some are Pagan, worshiping Set, Zeus or Apollo--does she endorse that? To be consistent, she must. Perhaps if she felt at liberty to elaborate upon her beliefs, she would claim Christianity is superior to paganism or, for that matter, any other version of theism. It is one thing in our society to offend atheists. She can probably get away with that. It is quite another to offend theists. She has cunning. She knows which groups she can give offense and which groups she must avoid offending. Although staking a claim to morality, in truth she is nothing but a common bully looking for easy targets, minorities over which she can claim superiority. "Look at me, I am a believer in God like 80+% of Americans, and what is more, a heterosexual. Also, I'm healthy and happy, pure and good, and destined for Heaven. Aren't I something? Aren't I really, really something?" Yes: unoriginal, unenlightened and unpersuasive. Brag about something other than the way you were born or the beliefs that you accepted without examining them. As long as believers display arrogance, there will be new atheists created in churches and classrooms around the world.
I do not believe that atheism is lacking in resources as suggested by the oft-repeated canard, "there are no atheists in foxholes." The idea that humans are wimps that grovel back to God is preposterous. God doesn't help, anyway. My worse moment came when I suffered spinal disc herniation. My lower back sent waves of agonizing pain on a regular basis, every two to twenty minutes, for forty-eight hours or longer. It was like being tortured by an indefatigable torturer. I was immobilized and could do nothing but suffer. Sleeping was little help, because no sooner would I fall asleep than the pain would wake me up and force me to change position. If God had offered pain relief, I would have accepted it and offered my allegiance to him thereafter. Although I did not find God, I did find Ibuprofen, and my allegiance to that entity can be appreciated on various posts throughout this blog.
My professor expresses the insulting assumption that atheists are immoral, which is a common belief among theists. She will gain no converts from the atheist camp with that tactic. I say let her continue to insult, to display arrogance. I would not give her advice. She would not have any of it, anyway.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
There is a Publisher
Some writers are told "No" so often that they give up writing and are effectively silenced forever. I am here to spread the light of hope and joy. Yes, there is a publisher that seeks good writers. This publisher is rather unusual in that it does not trot out imitations of bestsellers, but looks for original content. To submit your manuscript, build a spaceship and travel millions of light-years. I'm not sure which direction to go or how far to go. It may be necessary to hire a translator. But the odds are in favor of the determined writer.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Sigel
After everyone had gone to sleep, I walked into the dark woods. A fell voice that I recognized called unto me, saying, “Pray, what do you desire? Is it power? Power over men, power over nature, power over life and death. Surely you want power, mortal.”
"Everyone wants power, that much is true, but I already have what is needed.”
There was a long pause as the Shadow weighed my words. Then the voice spoke again. “If not power, then knowledge. Would you learn the secrets of the world? I see much of what was, what is, and what is yet to pass.”
“So you have said, but you lied to me about the Morning Star. It is not accursed, but brings light to the hidden things of darkness.”
The Shadow said, “You should not speak this way to me, because I can destroy you.”
In my left hand was the Sigel. This I revealed, and light surrounded me. "Can you destroy the light? The light spans alpha and omega and all the points in between, and I am joined into the light. There is no end to me and no beginning. Come to me, you will be my servant now.”
And so the darkness joined into the light, and the light shone ever brighter and stronger than before.
"Everyone wants power, that much is true, but I already have what is needed.”
There was a long pause as the Shadow weighed my words. Then the voice spoke again. “If not power, then knowledge. Would you learn the secrets of the world? I see much of what was, what is, and what is yet to pass.”
“So you have said, but you lied to me about the Morning Star. It is not accursed, but brings light to the hidden things of darkness.”
The Shadow said, “You should not speak this way to me, because I can destroy you.”
In my left hand was the Sigel. This I revealed, and light surrounded me. "Can you destroy the light? The light spans alpha and omega and all the points in between, and I am joined into the light. There is no end to me and no beginning. Come to me, you will be my servant now.”
And so the darkness joined into the light, and the light shone ever brighter and stronger than before.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
An Old Friend Doesn't Say Hello
An old friend of mine from the eighties friended me several months ago, and I accepted his request. I shot him a brief email asking him how he was doing. No reply. Two weeks later, I observed on his Facebook page that he had logged in a couple of times and presumably checked his emails already. I don't like being ignored, and it creeps me out that somebody friends me after thirty years but refuses to communicate, so I unfriended him. I've been wondering at his motives since. Why friend somebody if you don't want to communicate with them?
I have to leave the familiar settings of my own style of thinking and enter into the Repitilian mind, which is cold and motivated by fear and greed. It is easy to divine the motivations of the Reptilian mind. I think the motive has to do with cultivating an impression of popularity through a lengthy friends list and attracting a captive audience for Facebook postings. In other cases, "friends" from the past are interested in whether any of their former acquaintances have become successful, and if so, whether they could be useful. Networking.
I've considered more unlikely motivations, as well, that border on the territory of paranoia, such as "a mutual friend (or not such a friend) of ours asked him to friend me to check up on me and see how I was doing," but decided that I really don't care. If someone chooses to go the stealth route to obtain information about me that I would freely offer if simply asked, that reflects poorly upon them and amuses me. I say let them spin their wheels.
What amuses me further about this old friend of mine is the memory I have of our last contact, long ago when we were in middle school. He was fonder of me than I was of him, because I think that he had a crush on me. But he was too small, frail and not my type. I remember his mother used to call him "Peepee." He moved to Florida. As promised, he wrote to me--in those days, that would mean a handwritten letter--and I did not write back for several months or possibly even a year. That meant the score was 1-0 in my favor, because I had ignored one of his letters and he hadn't ignored any of mine.
Later I reconsidered, because I am always impressed by people that like me, whether I like them back or not. Sometimes I fear I must be mistaken about people, that they are better than I think they are, if they show any appreciation of me. I wrote him a letter, but perhaps I did not strike just the right note. To my surprise, he ignored my letter and never wrote back. That evened the score to 1-1, and I thought that was the end of the matter, and we could call a tie to the competition, until he friended me three decades later. Perhaps he friended me just to ignore another one of my letters, to make the score 2-1, meaning he wins and I lose. Oh well. I'm a good sport. I find it rather amusing. I wonder if he still holds a smoldering flame for me, after all these years. That would also explain why he could not manage to compose a simple email reply.
I have to leave the familiar settings of my own style of thinking and enter into the Repitilian mind, which is cold and motivated by fear and greed. It is easy to divine the motivations of the Reptilian mind. I think the motive has to do with cultivating an impression of popularity through a lengthy friends list and attracting a captive audience for Facebook postings. In other cases, "friends" from the past are interested in whether any of their former acquaintances have become successful, and if so, whether they could be useful. Networking.
I've considered more unlikely motivations, as well, that border on the territory of paranoia, such as "a mutual friend (or not such a friend) of ours asked him to friend me to check up on me and see how I was doing," but decided that I really don't care. If someone chooses to go the stealth route to obtain information about me that I would freely offer if simply asked, that reflects poorly upon them and amuses me. I say let them spin their wheels.
What amuses me further about this old friend of mine is the memory I have of our last contact, long ago when we were in middle school. He was fonder of me than I was of him, because I think that he had a crush on me. But he was too small, frail and not my type. I remember his mother used to call him "Peepee." He moved to Florida. As promised, he wrote to me--in those days, that would mean a handwritten letter--and I did not write back for several months or possibly even a year. That meant the score was 1-0 in my favor, because I had ignored one of his letters and he hadn't ignored any of mine.
Later I reconsidered, because I am always impressed by people that like me, whether I like them back or not. Sometimes I fear I must be mistaken about people, that they are better than I think they are, if they show any appreciation of me. I wrote him a letter, but perhaps I did not strike just the right note. To my surprise, he ignored my letter and never wrote back. That evened the score to 1-1, and I thought that was the end of the matter, and we could call a tie to the competition, until he friended me three decades later. Perhaps he friended me just to ignore another one of my letters, to make the score 2-1, meaning he wins and I lose. Oh well. I'm a good sport. I find it rather amusing. I wonder if he still holds a smoldering flame for me, after all these years. That would also explain why he could not manage to compose a simple email reply.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Always Love
I love the song by Nada Surf, "Always Love."
Half the charm lies in the lyrics.
I cannot make out the rest, because the guitar swallows the words.
No one seems to know about Nada Surf.
They are just the best band ever.
There is great power in their music--transforming power.
Also listen to "Blonde on Blonde."
Half the charm lies in the lyrics.
To make a mountain of your life
is just a choice.
But I never learned enough
to listen to the voice that told me,
"Always love.
Hate will get you every time.
Always love.
Don't wait til the finish line."
I cannot make out the rest, because the guitar swallows the words.
No one seems to know about Nada Surf.
They are just the best band ever.
There is great power in their music--transforming power.
Also listen to "Blonde on Blonde."
Cats and dogs are coming down.
Fourteenth street is gonna drown.
Everyone else rushing around.
I've got Blonde on Blonde
on my portable stereo.
It's a lullaby
from a giant golden radio.
I've got no time I want to lose
To people with something to prove.
What can you do but let them talk,
and make your way down the block.
I've got Blonde on Blonde
on my portable stereo.
It's a lullaby
from a giant golden radio.
I've got Blonde on Blonde
on my portable stereo.
It's a lullaby
from a giant golden radio.
I've got Blonde on Blonde
on my portable stereo.
It's a lullaby
from a giant golden radio.
It's a lullaby
from a giant golden radio.
It's a lullaby
from Wonder Woman's radio.
It's a lullaby
from Wonder Woman's radio.
It's a lullaby.
It's a lullaby.
It's a lullaby.
It's a lullaby.
It's a lullaby.
It's a lullaby.
More than Sour Grapes
I read Aesop's fable about the fox and the grapevine when I was a child. The fox found a grapevine hanging along a tree loaded with grapes. He jumped, but just couldn't reach the fruit, at which point he said, "they're probably sour, anyway!"
I'm reminded of that fable as I reflect on some of the characters I fell in love with in my younger years. There were quite a few--I'd say a dozen, at least. Maybe two dozen. At the time, I thought they were possessed of sterling qualities through and through, which made it all the more unpleasant when they passed on my offer.
It is only in retrospect, decades later, that I can look back and realize that their chief virtue was their face. What was in their heart was not fully considered. I think that most of them lacked virtue. All that they had to boast about was beauty. They were doing me a favor by passing me by, although I didn't know it at the time. I think this is more than sour grapes, but whether it is or not, I believe it to be true. To be with a beautiful, but shallow person may be satisfying for an evening--and I have had several such evenings--but over time, there can be only discord. I remember the flame of passion, but then I reflect on the person that I used to love, and I realize that he or she was just another selfish bastard, no better than anyone else.
Love is certainly a species of delusion, possibly among the most dangerous kinds. I'm lucky I didn't suffer any terrible consequences. An acquaintance of mine was recently fleeced by a good-looking con artist that he fell in love with. He lost tens of thousands to an obvious lie. Such an excess of trust! We lock our doors and windows against the burglar, who never shows, but leave our hearts wide open for theft by the liar! I never lost money, at least. That is a consolation. I only lost my sense of peace, and only for a few months at the most. I have grown more resistant to the immoderate passion as I've grown older. Where I used to seek love, now I am content to appreciate what I already have and augment it.
I could wish that I had been more discriminating as a young man and reserved my affections for people that were really virtuous. But what young man ever does that?
I'm at least fortunate that I found a beautiful and virtuous partner in my late twenties, with the bloom of youth still upon me. I would not swap my partner for any of the selfish bastards that I knew before.
I'm reminded of that fable as I reflect on some of the characters I fell in love with in my younger years. There were quite a few--I'd say a dozen, at least. Maybe two dozen. At the time, I thought they were possessed of sterling qualities through and through, which made it all the more unpleasant when they passed on my offer.
It is only in retrospect, decades later, that I can look back and realize that their chief virtue was their face. What was in their heart was not fully considered. I think that most of them lacked virtue. All that they had to boast about was beauty. They were doing me a favor by passing me by, although I didn't know it at the time. I think this is more than sour grapes, but whether it is or not, I believe it to be true. To be with a beautiful, but shallow person may be satisfying for an evening--and I have had several such evenings--but over time, there can be only discord. I remember the flame of passion, but then I reflect on the person that I used to love, and I realize that he or she was just another selfish bastard, no better than anyone else.
Love is certainly a species of delusion, possibly among the most dangerous kinds. I'm lucky I didn't suffer any terrible consequences. An acquaintance of mine was recently fleeced by a good-looking con artist that he fell in love with. He lost tens of thousands to an obvious lie. Such an excess of trust! We lock our doors and windows against the burglar, who never shows, but leave our hearts wide open for theft by the liar! I never lost money, at least. That is a consolation. I only lost my sense of peace, and only for a few months at the most. I have grown more resistant to the immoderate passion as I've grown older. Where I used to seek love, now I am content to appreciate what I already have and augment it.
I could wish that I had been more discriminating as a young man and reserved my affections for people that were really virtuous. But what young man ever does that?
I'm at least fortunate that I found a beautiful and virtuous partner in my late twenties, with the bloom of youth still upon me. I would not swap my partner for any of the selfish bastards that I knew before.
Monday, November 8, 2010
FOX News, Bastion of Ignorance
FOX News and the Republicans have taken Obama to task for visiting India. They complain that the visit costs too much. Such nit-picking, I can't understand. Hate the President at all costs, even to the detriment of the United States itself?
India is important. It holds a large chunk of the human population on the planet Earth. It is a growing power--growing in wealth as well as population. It also happens to be a republic, unlike some of our other "friends." I say visit India and reassure our friend that the U.S. remains a friend. It is worth doing at least once every Presidency. There are diplomatic motives, but an ever stronger incentive is the influence Obama will have upon young Indians. Obama's a charmer and plays well to public opinion everywhere he goes. It helps that he's not white and that he's from a different party than Bush. We need such a man traveling to countries around the world to heal some of the wounds sown by the previous Administration.
India is important. It holds a large chunk of the human population on the planet Earth. It is a growing power--growing in wealth as well as population. It also happens to be a republic, unlike some of our other "friends." I say visit India and reassure our friend that the U.S. remains a friend. It is worth doing at least once every Presidency. There are diplomatic motives, but an ever stronger incentive is the influence Obama will have upon young Indians. Obama's a charmer and plays well to public opinion everywhere he goes. It helps that he's not white and that he's from a different party than Bush. We need such a man traveling to countries around the world to heal some of the wounds sown by the previous Administration.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Pope and The Associated Press
The Pope has taken the opportunity to chide Spain for moving in the direction of greater individual liberty. Meanwhile, the mainstream media, as usual, has lavished praise upon the dictator of the Catholic Church.
"Pope defends family as Spanish gays hold 'kiss-in'" reads a headline by The Associated Press. This headline is misleading. It portrays the family as being under attack by Spanish gays. Oh dear! And only the poor old Pope is defending the family! Meanwhile, those bad Spanish gays are holding a mysterious 'kiss-in.'
What nonsense. The family is not under attack by anyone. Do not gays have families? Gays do not arrive from outer space on a UFO. At least I did not. I had a mother and father as well as siblings. I have a partner and two cats that I love very much. Will the Pope defend my family? Or is my family not worth anything to him?
A more accurate headline would read,
"Pope speaks in favor of oppressive laws against gays."
I don't know why the Pope speaks with ignorance, but perhaps his misspent boyhood among the Nazi Youth is to blame. The best that can be said about the present Pope is that he seems milder than his Nazi teachers, friends and mentors. He was able to overcome some, though not all, of their instructions.
As for the AP reporter that penned the headline, he should be asked why he is editorializing in what is supposed to be a factual report.
"Pope defends family as Spanish gays hold 'kiss-in'" reads a headline by The Associated Press. This headline is misleading. It portrays the family as being under attack by Spanish gays. Oh dear! And only the poor old Pope is defending the family! Meanwhile, those bad Spanish gays are holding a mysterious 'kiss-in.'
What nonsense. The family is not under attack by anyone. Do not gays have families? Gays do not arrive from outer space on a UFO. At least I did not. I had a mother and father as well as siblings. I have a partner and two cats that I love very much. Will the Pope defend my family? Or is my family not worth anything to him?
A more accurate headline would read,
"Pope speaks in favor of oppressive laws against gays."
I don't know why the Pope speaks with ignorance, but perhaps his misspent boyhood among the Nazi Youth is to blame. The best that can be said about the present Pope is that he seems milder than his Nazi teachers, friends and mentors. He was able to overcome some, though not all, of their instructions.
As for the AP reporter that penned the headline, he should be asked why he is editorializing in what is supposed to be a factual report.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
A Specialized Batch File
This batch is of limited use, but I am archiving it here because there may be code snippets that may be cannibalized in the future for other batch files.
@echo off
cls
set error=0
cd\newdir
if exist parse.txt del parse.txt
dir "\newdir" /b /a-d > temp.txt
if not exist temp.txt echo No files found!
if not exist temp.txt pause
if not exist temp.txt exit
echo Temporary file has been created.
rem -----------------------------------------------------
rem The following FOR statement must be one line, not two
rem (Beware of Blogger's word wrap.)
rem -----------------------------------------------------
FOR /F "usebackq tokens=* delims=" %%a in (temp.txt) DO call :process "%%a"
rem -----------------------------------------------------
echo.
echo Alas, We Have Reached The End.
echo Errors: %error%
echo.
pause
exit
:process
rem echo 1 %1 2 %2 3 %3 4 %4 5 %5
rem pause
set VAR1=%1
rem Trim quotes
for /f "useback tokens=*" %%a in ('%VAR1%') do set VAR1=%%~a
rem echo VAR1=%VAR1%
rem determine length of filename. if less than five, skip.
set filename=%VAR1%
set #=%filename%
set length=0
:loop
if defined # set #=%#:~1%
if defined # set /A length += 1
if defined # goto loop
rem if %my-number% gtr 10
rem echo %filename% has a length of %length%
if %length% lss 5 echo skipping %filename%!
if %length% lss 5 goto :EOF
echo filename=%filename%
rem pause
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" echo ******************************************where is pictext\%filename% ?
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" set /A error+=1
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" echo %2,%3,%4
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" pause
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" goto :EOF
if not exist "trees\%filename%" echo %filename% not found in trees!
if not exist "trees\%filename%" pause
if not exist "trees\%filename%" goto :EOF
rem set caption=
rem FOR /F "usebackq tokens=* delims=" %%a in ("pictext\%filename%") do set caption=%%a
rem set /p caption=<"pictext\%filename%"
type "pictext\%filename%" >> parse.txt
rem echo %caption%@%filename%
echo @%filename%>>parse.txt
goto :EOF
@echo off
cls
set error=0
cd\newdir
if exist parse.txt del parse.txt
dir "\newdir" /b /a-d > temp.txt
if not exist temp.txt echo No files found!
if not exist temp.txt pause
if not exist temp.txt exit
echo Temporary file has been created.
rem -----------------------------------------------------
rem The following FOR statement must be one line, not two
rem (Beware of Blogger's word wrap.)
rem -----------------------------------------------------
FOR /F "usebackq tokens=* delims=" %%a in (temp.txt) DO call :process "%%a"
rem -----------------------------------------------------
echo.
echo Alas, We Have Reached The End.
echo Errors: %error%
echo.
pause
exit
:process
rem echo 1 %1 2 %2 3 %3 4 %4 5 %5
rem pause
set VAR1=%1
rem Trim quotes
for /f "useback tokens=*" %%a in ('%VAR1%') do set VAR1=%%~a
rem echo VAR1=%VAR1%
rem determine length of filename. if less than five, skip.
set filename=%VAR1%
set #=%filename%
set length=0
:loop
if defined # set #=%#:~1%
if defined # set /A length += 1
if defined # goto loop
rem if %my-number% gtr 10
rem echo %filename% has a length of %length%
if %length% lss 5 echo skipping %filename%!
if %length% lss 5 goto :EOF
echo filename=%filename%
rem pause
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" echo ******************************************where is pictext\%filename% ?
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" set /A error+=1
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" echo %2,%3,%4
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" pause
if not exist "pictext\%filename%" goto :EOF
if not exist "trees\%filename%" echo %filename% not found in trees!
if not exist "trees\%filename%" pause
if not exist "trees\%filename%" goto :EOF
rem set caption=
rem FOR /F "usebackq tokens=* delims=" %%a in ("pictext\%filename%") do set caption=%%a
rem set /p caption=<"pictext\%filename%"
type "pictext\%filename%" >> parse.txt
rem echo %caption%@%filename%
echo @%filename%>>parse.txt
goto :EOF
Thursday, November 4, 2010
On Being Liberal
I had attained a high level of competence in one profession, only to cede my status and position in order to try something new. Now I am at the bottom again, struggling upward. Humility is a new feeling. I think I like it. Pride is such a burden.
I've always liked a change in routine and detested monotonous routines. I like change more than most people. I think that's why I'm liberal. I see possibilities where other people might see insurmountable problems.
The recent election results hints at a conservative resurgence in the country. I have never seen so many signs for conservative Republican candidates. I don't know why so many people seem conservative in the U.S. I think it has to do with religion mostly, particularly the fact that minority Protestant denominations flocked to the new world in large numbers over the past four hundred years.
I also do not understand why these religious people seem to think the Republicans are on God's side. That seems naive to me. In reality, Republicans are on the side of big money all the time. They serve their rich masters with unwavering loyalty. I realize that the same can be said for some of the Democrats, but not all of the Democrats. Also, the Democrats are willing to listen to workers. They have to, in order to survive, because workers are their core constituency. Republicans do not listen to, and do not care about workers. They are completely at the bidding of the owners of capital. Does money equate to holiness nowadays? Some churches actually preach this. The more money you have, the closer you are to God. I wish Jesus would return, if only for the chance of a rebuttal!
I remember once a conservative fundamentalist contrasted the reproduction rates of conservatives with liberals. He noted that "my side" is being out-bred and will therefore become extinct. Well, that should have happened a long time ago. Besides, where did all the liberals come from in the first place? Is one to believe in spontaneous generation? Or did liberals derive from conservatives? Perhaps conservatives derived from liberals in some cases as well. This is all very confusing, and I haven't a shred of evidence either. Oh well, neither did he!
It is true that most liberals I know do not tend to have big families, but I also know many conservatives that have no children at all. I have not taken a census, but my guess would be that the rates of reproduction are approximately even. I may be mistaken, but I think most people these days, whatever their politics, have one or two kids. The reason they don't have more is that they just don't have the time and energy. Each parent tends to work a full-time job these days, and there's only so much time left for parenting.
Should liberals fear their side being outnumbered? That is a typical conservative right-wing way of thinking. Winning or losing. Winning or losing are not serious alternatives. I won't say it doesn't matter, only that the question does not rise to the philosophical or ethical level of discussion. So what if liberals dwindle in number? Then a section of the conservatives will become the new liberals. And so it will go, perhaps. There will always be political conflicts of some kind or another. Perhaps it is enough that both liberals and conservatives agree on democracy, and neither side seems to want a monarchy.
In Merry Olde Englande of the 1660's, the liberals were the religious zealots. The conservatives were the monarchists. Isn't that confusing? The liberals wanted more democracy. The conservatives, less. The liberals won, for a time, and then the conservatives regained some of their power. And so it went.
Some of the sillier issues that have arisen in politics concerned the squabbling between Catholics and Protestants in many different countries in Europe over the centuries. I am glad the two sides have learned to get along for the most part.
The liberal and conservative divide is misleading. In reality, most conservatives today would have been considered liberal half a century ago. Remember, racism was a core component of conservatism until recently. Homophobia went along for the ride. Women were supposed to stay in the kitchen and out of the workplace. Conservatives of the past were even opposed to magazines like Playboy. In Kentucky, a victorious conservative candidate (a man!) posed nude for Playgirl, or some such magazine (I forget which). One must take the "conservative" and "liberal" labels with a grain of salt. Liberals are ahead of their time. Conservatives haven't caught up yet.
I've always liked a change in routine and detested monotonous routines. I like change more than most people. I think that's why I'm liberal. I see possibilities where other people might see insurmountable problems.
The recent election results hints at a conservative resurgence in the country. I have never seen so many signs for conservative Republican candidates. I don't know why so many people seem conservative in the U.S. I think it has to do with religion mostly, particularly the fact that minority Protestant denominations flocked to the new world in large numbers over the past four hundred years.
I also do not understand why these religious people seem to think the Republicans are on God's side. That seems naive to me. In reality, Republicans are on the side of big money all the time. They serve their rich masters with unwavering loyalty. I realize that the same can be said for some of the Democrats, but not all of the Democrats. Also, the Democrats are willing to listen to workers. They have to, in order to survive, because workers are their core constituency. Republicans do not listen to, and do not care about workers. They are completely at the bidding of the owners of capital. Does money equate to holiness nowadays? Some churches actually preach this. The more money you have, the closer you are to God. I wish Jesus would return, if only for the chance of a rebuttal!
I remember once a conservative fundamentalist contrasted the reproduction rates of conservatives with liberals. He noted that "my side" is being out-bred and will therefore become extinct. Well, that should have happened a long time ago. Besides, where did all the liberals come from in the first place? Is one to believe in spontaneous generation? Or did liberals derive from conservatives? Perhaps conservatives derived from liberals in some cases as well. This is all very confusing, and I haven't a shred of evidence either. Oh well, neither did he!
It is true that most liberals I know do not tend to have big families, but I also know many conservatives that have no children at all. I have not taken a census, but my guess would be that the rates of reproduction are approximately even. I may be mistaken, but I think most people these days, whatever their politics, have one or two kids. The reason they don't have more is that they just don't have the time and energy. Each parent tends to work a full-time job these days, and there's only so much time left for parenting.
Should liberals fear their side being outnumbered? That is a typical conservative right-wing way of thinking. Winning or losing. Winning or losing are not serious alternatives. I won't say it doesn't matter, only that the question does not rise to the philosophical or ethical level of discussion. So what if liberals dwindle in number? Then a section of the conservatives will become the new liberals. And so it will go, perhaps. There will always be political conflicts of some kind or another. Perhaps it is enough that both liberals and conservatives agree on democracy, and neither side seems to want a monarchy.
In Merry Olde Englande of the 1660's, the liberals were the religious zealots. The conservatives were the monarchists. Isn't that confusing? The liberals wanted more democracy. The conservatives, less. The liberals won, for a time, and then the conservatives regained some of their power. And so it went.
Some of the sillier issues that have arisen in politics concerned the squabbling between Catholics and Protestants in many different countries in Europe over the centuries. I am glad the two sides have learned to get along for the most part.
The liberal and conservative divide is misleading. In reality, most conservatives today would have been considered liberal half a century ago. Remember, racism was a core component of conservatism until recently. Homophobia went along for the ride. Women were supposed to stay in the kitchen and out of the workplace. Conservatives of the past were even opposed to magazines like Playboy. In Kentucky, a victorious conservative candidate (a man!) posed nude for Playgirl, or some such magazine (I forget which). One must take the "conservative" and "liberal" labels with a grain of salt. Liberals are ahead of their time. Conservatives haven't caught up yet.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
My Take on the 2010 Elections
Reason.tv said it best. 2010's election proves that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Reflections on Psychic Ability
This was the only experience in my life that led me to wonder whether there was something to the paranormal. I believe she was able to give me an accurate reading because I was open to her, very receptive indeed. I didn't believe in her power, but I did believe in it, at the same time. Disbelief coexists with belief in a way that reminds me of quantum physics. My energy flowed into her, not because she took it, but because I permitted it, assisted it, because I knew that she wanted to be successful in her art. If she did not see what was in my eyes, then she could not have been any good at reading fortunes. Her affections were elsewhere, for Billy Idol on MTV and blond boys at our school that looked and acted like him, but such relationships were not of long duration.
I still cannot believe there is anything to palm-reading or to reading minds. If I had thought of a number, such as 7803313, she would not have guessed it, even if I had given her a hundred guesses. I believe that very intelligent people, that is, those with a high degree of social intelligence, are able to make astonishing predictions and insights into other people based upon body language and other subtle cues that are difficult for ordinary people like me to identify and interpret. I believe that she possessed this type of genius in addition to a high aptitude for academic subjects. She had a high degree of sensitivity, which seemed a liability in some instances, because she would burst into tears when people were critical of her, such as parents or teachers. Any harsh word would be amplified to the Nth degree by her extraordinary ability. I think her attraction for Billy Idol was based upon the "opposites attract" principle. She wanted to be more like him, bold and brave, and less the shrinking violet. She succeeded in her ambition. What once seemed a liability proved to be an incredible asset, as indeed it is, because the subtle cues that others miss are helpful in divining truth from lies.
I remember a dream that I had about her when I was young. It was a familiar dream, repeated on more than one night with occasional variations. I get on a school bus, and she is the only one there, or the only one I notice, and I sit beside her, and she seems ambivalent to that, but we talk. I don't remember what we talk about, but it must have been interesting if I was dreaming about it. She would tell me things that made me happy, gave me cause to worry, or sometimes confused me. I didn't always understand her or agree with her remarks, and we argued, but I never thought she was lying or being mean. We were usually polite to one another. In one dream, we might have held hands, but I'm not sure. It seems unlike her, and at any rate, holding hands with a reader is a bad idea, because one never knows what they will say. Sometimes the bus stops and she gets off, and I go home alone. Other times, we just ride the bus for hours talking. It was early evening in these dreams, with little light outside, just enough to see. In one dream, and it may have the last one, she told me that anything that happened in the dream was only intended for the dream-world and would not be repeated in the real world. She had only been experimenting with her power. She also said that our paths were separating, and we would not see each other again, not in the real world or even in the dream-world. That was almost accurate.
We had a chance encounter in the hallway in our sophomore year of high school. I saw her just about to open a door to a classroom and called out her name. We hadn't seen each other in years. She was much changed for the better, seeming stronger, more confident. We had a polite chat for two minutes and that was that. She had much to boast about, but I did not and was glad when the chat was over.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Malware Attack Site
I came across a malware attack site today at bigbestmovie [dot] com, namely i g o r.film.bigbestmovie [dot] com/i g o r gay/. The accursed thing took over my browser. A text query popped up ordering me to do an immediate "security scan". When I exited my browser and then reloaded my browser, the window popped up again, suggesting a malware infection.
I learned today that whenever you encounter a malware site, report it at
http://www.google.com/safebrowsing/report_badware/ , so that it can be removed from Google results.
I learned today that whenever you encounter a malware site, report it at
http://www.google.com/safebrowsing/report_badware/ , so that it can be removed from Google results.
Dead Things Become Living
Viruses are dead or perhaps at a junction between life and death. They have no method of independent propulsion and cannot reproduce on their own. They cannot produce energy. All that they have in common with living creatures is a token amount of DNA or RNA, and that is devoted mostly to instructions that guide reproduction.
When a virus gets into a cell (and the cell takes it in, like a butler), then the cell allows its "brain" or nucleus to be replaced in part by the virion's "brain". The cell then devotes its machinery to reproducing the virus.
Some viruses work in a different way, incorporating themselves into the cell's DNA and remaining more or less dormant for a period of time. I have at least three such viruses that I know of, warts on the face (HPV), probably from kissing, the chickenpox and a cold sore (herpes HSV Type 1) virus. Under stress, the viruses can sometimes manifest themselves at the original site of infection. In the case of the chickenpox, shingles arose on my back once during an arduous ocean voyage. In the case of the cold sore, it is to the right of my chin. It is likely that I was infected in high school, possibly on purpose, from an infected person. I do not remember the specific incident, but there were many bad things that happened in school, and anything is possible. When the sore arose, I had no idea what it was and just assumed it was acne, and no one told me differently. There is a great deal of ignorance about such matters and even those who know prefer to be silent due to the stigma attached to kissing or so-called sexually transmitted diseases. I seldom get the cold sore anymore, though it recurred often up to my thirties. I have not gotten any wart outbreaks in over ten years.
I can appreciate the wisdom of abstinence education, because in retrospect my early sexual and romantic experiences were devoid of any deep meaning, and I would have been better off without them. I fell in love with most of my early partners, but they were only interested in sex, which seemed strange to me both then and now. I could not understand the motive. Why not masturbate, if sex is all that one is after? I do not understand why one would go to the trouble of meeting someone, getting to know them, becoming their friend or at least pretending, and then risking all the STD's and other maladies in the world in order to do a sex act, typically in the dark or in a parked car somewhere and under the influence of alcohol, only to move on to someone else for the sake of variety. It seems like an awful lot of trouble, and in the end one is left with no true friends and a lot of people that know too much.
However wise abstinence may be, I still believe it is important to teach young people the methods of safer sex, because I remember how I felt in my younger days. Young people want to experience love, romance and sex. Their entire biology is calculated to make them want to do it. In addition, all of our culture inspires them with the desire to experience these things. It is easy for old farts that never get any to sit back and say, "wait until marriage." For those that can manage to do that, the reward is, potentially, a life free from the annoyances of the HPV or HSV viruses and other maladies and the potential cancer risks arising from them. However, even in that scenario, there is no guarantee that one's marriage partner will be free of disease.
The ultimate solution is for mankind to develop vaccines and other cures for viruses and bacteria. This is a worthier goal than invading dunghills around the world and sorting out ignorant fanatics. If the West cures a disease, we do not necessarily have to go around sharing our medicine with fanatical enemies that want to kill us. I think the West could use a bit more discretion in choosing where to send aid and resources. Any aid to Uganda, for example, is an act of evil, because that nation has decided to emulate Nazi Germany.
Perhaps viruses operate in beneficial as well as harmful ways. We are aware of some of the harmful things that they do. For instance, it is now known that many viruses cause cancer by interfering with their host cell's DNA. Interfering with DNA can cause mutations, as well. Mutations are usually harmful, but every once in a while, there could be beneficial effects. Change is good, not usually on an individual scale, but on a species-wide scale.
Where do viruses originate from? My textbook does not have the answer to that, although it points out that viruses can exchange DNA with other viruses within a host cell and form different viruses. I think that the more that we learn about viruses, the more we will learn about the origins of life itself. There are many secrets remaining to be unraveled from viruses. It could be that the original life form on the planet earth was a virus that arrived from outer space on a meteorite. Viruses do not need food, and perhaps they could survive for millions of years on a galactic voyage. Of course, the endospores of bacteria do not require food either, nor the seeds of plants. Scientists have managed to cultivate colonies based upon bacterial endospores found in the intestinal gut of insects captured in amber twenty-five million years ago.
The line between living things and dead things becomes rather blurry and confused when one thinks about viruses, endospores, and seeds. Living or dead? Neither. An adjustment is required in the thinking of the student.
We are a bit of code that managed to get itself into a large apparatus, that is, our body. The code itself is nonliving--just a series of instructions, like a technical manual, without any philosophy or personality to speak of. Why did our DNA become us? What is the purpose? Perhaps looking for a purpose is a mistake. In the material world, things happen in accordance with the laws of physics. The Universe itself has a certain DNA about it, a series of unwritten rules similar to our DNA, which is a series of instructions for encoding proteins. Gravity happens because it has to happen. We happen because we have to happen. Perhaps the creative force of the Universe, God if you will, is simply an artist and a bit of a mad scientist.
Why do humans own pets? Perhaps the same reason that God chose to have bacteria, archae, plants, fungi, animals, and human beings develop on the planet Earth, and who knows what else develop elsewhere.
Maybe everything is an illusion, an imagined space in the mind of a being that is capable of creating a vast and highly detailed Universe.
I could go on. I get weary thinking about these matters. They are mind-blowing. Like most humans, I prefer to think of myself in more personal terms. Besides, I'm hungry, and my DNA has engineered me to eat when hungry.
I do feel strange writing about God, however. I am afraid that living in a community awash with religiosity and superstition has led to the insertion of memes into my consciousness. It is not possible to drive anywhere in my town without seeing signs and other manifestations of other people's religious beliefs. Also, some people of my acquaintance, including my professor, tend to talk about God.
Is there a God? I am an atheist in regard to the Christian faith, and moreover Islam and the other religions, but I do hold a possibility that there might be some kind of being beyond my capacity to understand that set all Creation into being. My opinions upon this are vague, and I intend for them to remain vague and amenable to adaptation as I reflect upon the question. I believe it is a grave error to hold fixed assumptions about the nature of God based upon ancient texts or the teachings of superstitious men that claim to know every whim and fancy of the one deity, as though they are holding his hand and have their fingers on his pulse. They know nothing. Charlatans. If I were god, I'd be angry at them. But perhaps god is amused by them and plays tricks on them.
There are many things I don't know and would like to know more about. Nothing interests me more than science, and I think that through science, mankind stands the best chance of learning the mind of God. That sentence sounds trite, and I'm a bit suspicious of it. Perhaps it is another meme from television or the internet.
God may not be such a great guy, after all. Perhaps we are more ethical than God is. God could even be a bastard. Perhaps he feels guilty for all of the bad tricks he has played on the human race and the animal kingdom. In that case, there is plenty of time for him to make amends. I could use a half-million dollars, myself. That would set me up for life.
When a virus gets into a cell (and the cell takes it in, like a butler), then the cell allows its "brain" or nucleus to be replaced in part by the virion's "brain". The cell then devotes its machinery to reproducing the virus.
Some viruses work in a different way, incorporating themselves into the cell's DNA and remaining more or less dormant for a period of time. I have at least three such viruses that I know of, warts on the face (HPV), probably from kissing, the chickenpox and a cold sore (herpes HSV Type 1) virus. Under stress, the viruses can sometimes manifest themselves at the original site of infection. In the case of the chickenpox, shingles arose on my back once during an arduous ocean voyage. In the case of the cold sore, it is to the right of my chin. It is likely that I was infected in high school, possibly on purpose, from an infected person. I do not remember the specific incident, but there were many bad things that happened in school, and anything is possible. When the sore arose, I had no idea what it was and just assumed it was acne, and no one told me differently. There is a great deal of ignorance about such matters and even those who know prefer to be silent due to the stigma attached to kissing or so-called sexually transmitted diseases. I seldom get the cold sore anymore, though it recurred often up to my thirties. I have not gotten any wart outbreaks in over ten years.
I can appreciate the wisdom of abstinence education, because in retrospect my early sexual and romantic experiences were devoid of any deep meaning, and I would have been better off without them. I fell in love with most of my early partners, but they were only interested in sex, which seemed strange to me both then and now. I could not understand the motive. Why not masturbate, if sex is all that one is after? I do not understand why one would go to the trouble of meeting someone, getting to know them, becoming their friend or at least pretending, and then risking all the STD's and other maladies in the world in order to do a sex act, typically in the dark or in a parked car somewhere and under the influence of alcohol, only to move on to someone else for the sake of variety. It seems like an awful lot of trouble, and in the end one is left with no true friends and a lot of people that know too much.
However wise abstinence may be, I still believe it is important to teach young people the methods of safer sex, because I remember how I felt in my younger days. Young people want to experience love, romance and sex. Their entire biology is calculated to make them want to do it. In addition, all of our culture inspires them with the desire to experience these things. It is easy for old farts that never get any to sit back and say, "wait until marriage." For those that can manage to do that, the reward is, potentially, a life free from the annoyances of the HPV or HSV viruses and other maladies and the potential cancer risks arising from them. However, even in that scenario, there is no guarantee that one's marriage partner will be free of disease.
The ultimate solution is for mankind to develop vaccines and other cures for viruses and bacteria. This is a worthier goal than invading dunghills around the world and sorting out ignorant fanatics. If the West cures a disease, we do not necessarily have to go around sharing our medicine with fanatical enemies that want to kill us. I think the West could use a bit more discretion in choosing where to send aid and resources. Any aid to Uganda, for example, is an act of evil, because that nation has decided to emulate Nazi Germany.
Perhaps viruses operate in beneficial as well as harmful ways. We are aware of some of the harmful things that they do. For instance, it is now known that many viruses cause cancer by interfering with their host cell's DNA. Interfering with DNA can cause mutations, as well. Mutations are usually harmful, but every once in a while, there could be beneficial effects. Change is good, not usually on an individual scale, but on a species-wide scale.
Where do viruses originate from? My textbook does not have the answer to that, although it points out that viruses can exchange DNA with other viruses within a host cell and form different viruses. I think that the more that we learn about viruses, the more we will learn about the origins of life itself. There are many secrets remaining to be unraveled from viruses. It could be that the original life form on the planet earth was a virus that arrived from outer space on a meteorite. Viruses do not need food, and perhaps they could survive for millions of years on a galactic voyage. Of course, the endospores of bacteria do not require food either, nor the seeds of plants. Scientists have managed to cultivate colonies based upon bacterial endospores found in the intestinal gut of insects captured in amber twenty-five million years ago.
The line between living things and dead things becomes rather blurry and confused when one thinks about viruses, endospores, and seeds. Living or dead? Neither. An adjustment is required in the thinking of the student.
We are a bit of code that managed to get itself into a large apparatus, that is, our body. The code itself is nonliving--just a series of instructions, like a technical manual, without any philosophy or personality to speak of. Why did our DNA become us? What is the purpose? Perhaps looking for a purpose is a mistake. In the material world, things happen in accordance with the laws of physics. The Universe itself has a certain DNA about it, a series of unwritten rules similar to our DNA, which is a series of instructions for encoding proteins. Gravity happens because it has to happen. We happen because we have to happen. Perhaps the creative force of the Universe, God if you will, is simply an artist and a bit of a mad scientist.
Why do humans own pets? Perhaps the same reason that God chose to have bacteria, archae, plants, fungi, animals, and human beings develop on the planet Earth, and who knows what else develop elsewhere.
Maybe everything is an illusion, an imagined space in the mind of a being that is capable of creating a vast and highly detailed Universe.
I could go on. I get weary thinking about these matters. They are mind-blowing. Like most humans, I prefer to think of myself in more personal terms. Besides, I'm hungry, and my DNA has engineered me to eat when hungry.
I do feel strange writing about God, however. I am afraid that living in a community awash with religiosity and superstition has led to the insertion of memes into my consciousness. It is not possible to drive anywhere in my town without seeing signs and other manifestations of other people's religious beliefs. Also, some people of my acquaintance, including my professor, tend to talk about God.
Is there a God? I am an atheist in regard to the Christian faith, and moreover Islam and the other religions, but I do hold a possibility that there might be some kind of being beyond my capacity to understand that set all Creation into being. My opinions upon this are vague, and I intend for them to remain vague and amenable to adaptation as I reflect upon the question. I believe it is a grave error to hold fixed assumptions about the nature of God based upon ancient texts or the teachings of superstitious men that claim to know every whim and fancy of the one deity, as though they are holding his hand and have their fingers on his pulse. They know nothing. Charlatans. If I were god, I'd be angry at them. But perhaps god is amused by them and plays tricks on them.
There are many things I don't know and would like to know more about. Nothing interests me more than science, and I think that through science, mankind stands the best chance of learning the mind of God. That sentence sounds trite, and I'm a bit suspicious of it. Perhaps it is another meme from television or the internet.
God may not be such a great guy, after all. Perhaps we are more ethical than God is. God could even be a bastard. Perhaps he feels guilty for all of the bad tricks he has played on the human race and the animal kingdom. In that case, there is plenty of time for him to make amends. I could use a half-million dollars, myself. That would set me up for life.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Irony
At my previous job, there was a division within my department. About half the application programmers worked on web development. The other half, including yours truly, were consigned to maintenance of mainframe programs. For my part, I found mainframe development tedious. When I asked about the possibility of transferring to the web development team, I was told "No," to which I responded, "Goodbye."
On my own, in my spare time, I devoted countless hours to learning HTML, CSS, and even the rudiments of PHP. I love working on it, even without remuneration. I can work on it every day, all night long, neglecting food and sleep. In speaking with some of the web developers at my old company, it was apparent to me that they were only in it for the additional salary. (Web developers made about 10 - 25% more.) The company spent upwards of $80,000 sending them to classes! I have never been to a web development class in all my life and have never even owned a book. All I learned, I learned on my own or through research using Google as a starting point. I am reminded of this irony whenever I work on web-related code. The phrase "wasted potential" comes to mind.
I suppose in retrospect it does not matter. Everyone has wasted potential. There are countless potentialities that are never realized. Diamonds in the rough are tossed away and buried by debris or used as stones for slingshots. What system can be called efficient? I don't know of one. Perhaps efficiency is not even a worthwhile goal. The motives of some leaders are improper, and in those cases, it is better that their teams remain inefficient and plagued by waste, corruption and inefficiency, even as I have observed.
On my own, in my spare time, I devoted countless hours to learning HTML, CSS, and even the rudiments of PHP. I love working on it, even without remuneration. I can work on it every day, all night long, neglecting food and sleep. In speaking with some of the web developers at my old company, it was apparent to me that they were only in it for the additional salary. (Web developers made about 10 - 25% more.) The company spent upwards of $80,000 sending them to classes! I have never been to a web development class in all my life and have never even owned a book. All I learned, I learned on my own or through research using Google as a starting point. I am reminded of this irony whenever I work on web-related code. The phrase "wasted potential" comes to mind.
I suppose in retrospect it does not matter. Everyone has wasted potential. There are countless potentialities that are never realized. Diamonds in the rough are tossed away and buried by debris or used as stones for slingshots. What system can be called efficient? I don't know of one. Perhaps efficiency is not even a worthwhile goal. The motives of some leaders are improper, and in those cases, it is better that their teams remain inefficient and plagued by waste, corruption and inefficiency, even as I have observed.
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Jackals
The jackals of the mainstream media are busy today patting themselves on the back. Their prolonged propaganda campaign against California's Proposition 19 appears to be paying dividends.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Thank You, Joycelyn Elders
The former surgeon general has said what needed to be said about Proposition 19. In fact, she made the same exact points I have been making about marijuana. However, while I have a readership consisting of zero, or possibly a few Dungeon Crawl players, she will reach millions through CNN and other news outlets. It is good to know that at least some former public officials have a sense of ethics.
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