I thought about AIDS this morning. My memory was jogged by a recent media story about a German pop star who had sex with men without telling them she was HIV-positive. In Germany, knowingly having sex while infected with HIV without informing one's partner is a crime. I believe it should be. The only downside to criminalization is that some people may choose not to get tested.
AIDS changed the trajectory of my own life. When I first came out, I indulged in the bar scene, although I avoided high-risk activities. I always used condoms. My policy was that every person in the world is to be considered infected with HIV until proven otherwise by a laboratory test conducted on the same day. This is the policy that guided my actions and resulted in my remaining HIV negative. The basic rules are that condoms must always be used, inebriation avoided, and oral is a thousand times safer than anal. It is easy to become infected with HIV through anal sex, because the rectum is only one cell thick in some places and is poorly lubricated. Microscopic tears can occur through which the HIV virus can enter the body. The proper use of a latex condom and the internal application of a water-soluble lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly, can reduce risk substantially. It is possible to contract HIV through vaginal sex as well. Many who become infected may not perceive the symptoms of AIDS until several years later, unless they are tested. Some of the best-looking people are carriers, functioning as Angels of Death.
There are lesser diseases as well, such as herpes and warts. Just because people prefer not to talk about certain things does not mean they are not there. Silence is the enemy. If people are not aware of things that can harm them, they are more likely to fall victim. It is better to know all the risks and all the precautions one might take to avoid those risks.
Apprehension over the prevalence of HIV in the gay community steered me away from the bar scene and towards abstinence, then monogamy. Monogamy is a good plan for long-term stability and happiness for many people, which is why gays like me want the right to marry.
Some of my friends and acquaintances took more risks. At least one is dead now, a man who invited me to his thirtieth birthday party, only to die four years later of pneumonia aggravated by his untreated AIDS. I remember asking him whether he had been tested, and he replied he did not want to know. I chided him for that, but he said when the good Lord wants him, he will be taken. He read the Bible, although he would have profited more from reading medical literature. I used to ask all of my gay friends whether they had been tested. For my part, I was tested three or four times at free health clinics. The mere fact of getting tested was viewed as proof of promiscuity by the ignorant, including my one girlfriend, but in fact I was super-vigilant. Besides, the clinics gave free condoms, which I shared with friends. Visiting the clinics served to reinforce my opinions about the importance of safe sex and the risks of casual sex.
A dear friend of mine had unprotected sex with his boyfriend at the age of seventeen. I don't understand why anyone would not use a condom. Condoms are cheap and easy to use. They are sold everywhere. It does not make sense to risk an incurable disease for a little bit more sensation during a sexual act. He was head-over-heels in love and believed his boyfriend's vows of monogamy. ("He swore to God, and we were blood brothers.") Little did he know that the boyfriend was sleeping with another man on the side. Both became infected with HIV. I felt angry at the stranger who had infected them and wanted to know who it was, but the identity was unknown. Gays who infect other gays do more harm to the gay community than all the homophobes combined. The gay community has ways of dealing with such individuals. In the gay bars, sometimes a stranger would take me aside and whisper in my ear that a man that I was with had the plague and was sleeping with men without telling them. If I asked him, and he denied it, then I determined whether he was lying, and if he was, I would have nothing more to do with him. In all cases, the people sharing information with me were honest. They were not malicious rumor-mongers, but were trying to protect fellow members of the community. It boggles the mind that an HIV-positive individual would risk infecting another human being just for sex. That is why I support the German law that criminalizes such behavior.
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