Butterfly

A butterfly shows the difference between human beings.

Some encounter a butterfly and admire its beauty.

Others rip the wings off to watch it suffer.

Prayer

I have come to the conclusion that a prayer-less world is not necessarily a desirable one for human beings. There is comfort and consolation to be had in prayer that cannot be gotten from other human beings so well and certainly not on the Internet!

If one is atheist and places great value on being consistent, logical, and rational, and yet, has a habit of drinking or of using drugs, then an accusation presents itself. J'accuse! You are already engaged in an irrational habit, these twelve-ounce curls you do every day with a can of beer, detrimental to body and/or mind. Why, then, should you avoid prayer, which is equally irrational, yet not in any way detrimental to health? Indeed, there have been numerous studies indicating that prayer has measurable benefits to body and mind. That, to me, was quite persuasive when I read it, and I have found through direct experience that genuine, unforced, sincere prayer is extremely satisfying, wholesome and beneficial. The trouble with prayer and with religion when growing up was it was forced. Church was compulsion, Sundays were forced attendance, and even one of my high school teachers forced us to pray. Religion can become drudgery, tedium, an object of contempt. Some people take that which is beautiful and precious and twist it until it is horrible beyond recognition. They present God as a projection of their dark self, a Punisher, a Tormenter, a Torturer, vindicative, vengeful and ruthless. That reflects their own nature only, not the nature of the most high. Such lies and distortions get in the way of spirituality and must be discarded.

China is crazy, radical atheist, and seems bent on realizing the dystopia of "1984", with state surveillance of everyone and thought control. It is difficult to see the charm in a completely atheistic viewpoint. The fact remains, gods are fun, and not believing is just negation, it doesn't offer half the fun of believing or at least, suspending disbelief.

Spirituality evolved to help an intelligent, thinking mind adapt to the pressures and the stresses brought on by knowledge. Of course, knowledge is not all good. There is a huge downside. We know, for instance, quite well that we will grow old and die. That is a terrible knowledge to have. We know that we are bound to worry and fear from cradle to grave. We worry about health, first of all, our own and our loved ones. We worry about losing money, losing friends, losing loved ones. All of these fears, doubts and stresses are really brought on by knowledge and intelligence. If we were only stupider! It sounds funny, but if we were stupid like the animals, our blessed stupidity would make us perfectly immune to worrying about death or indeed, worrying about tomorrow at all.

Prayer allows one the luxury of working as a team, that is, in conjunction with that which is good, with God or the gods, whichever one prefers. No, I do not believe there is only one way, one correct doctrine or theology. I have my opinion, other people have theirs, but in the end, we are fallible, and may both be right somehow. That is not a very satisfying answer to rigid binary thinkers that want to know exact answers to everything. Learn to deal with ambiguity! The mysteries are all about ambiguity. That is why they are named such. The first and best virtue is to be humble. Every day, we are reminded, each of us in our own way, of our essential humanity, when we go to the bathroom to perform the necessary. So, live and let live, is the guiding principle, and I think God or the gods, howsoever one wishes to approach the Divine, both understand and endorse tolerance in religion, provided, of course, that YE HARM NONE.

The only real doctrine I think is mandatory is harm none, which seems to me quite a reasonable law to apply to all belief systems under the Sun. Nor harm thyself. Now when we see the radical Islamists go off and torture some poor wretch, for instance, that leads me to condemn radical Islam, and in general I don't like the punitive and oppressive laws that are found in many Muslim countries. I think sometimes religion gets a big head and wants to intrude into public and private affairs too much, and that is inappropriate. Each thing in its proper place, is the way to go. If the Muslims wish to worship a certain way, fine and dandy, but don't stop the selling of pork in the marketplace, or cut off people's hands if they shoplift a pack of gum. I would not wish to live in Iran or Saudi Arabia.

High School was a Low Point

Regular beatings and humiliation were a fact of daily life my freshman year at high school. It was just an ordinary high school, not a military one, but I think in many ways it was run like a military school, with strict rules and regimens. The main instigator was a twisted sociopath in P.E., and he was encouraged and enabled by the teacher. The drill-sergeant approach to education is claimed to work for some, perhaps, more or less, but didn't work out so well in my case. Does that mean that I was "weak" and another, ideal specimen was "strong" to thrive in a violent, abusive environment? Are regular beatings good for people? Some do think so, whether they will admit it or not, but perhaps they should try it out for themselves sometime, on the receiving end, that is. Then poll their opinion after they have received a good dose. I imagine that "boot camp" is meant to prepare one for war by lowering ones threshold for pain, lowering ones morality and reducing inhibitions. If we are at war, fine, maybe that is a necessary evil indeed, but if not, is it necessary? How much violence is really needed in the world?

I am reminded of what I endured by what some people are dredging up into the news media ten, twenty, thirty years after the fact, or longer. It seems to me that the only difference between these ancient cases and mine is that I was never confronted with someone else's genitals. That seems like a minor point next to a year's worth of physical and psychological abuse. Basically, abuse was a part of the system in school, it was normal and accepted everyday life for a lot of students. Survival of the fittest was the philosophy. No one really cared, the atmosphere was highly competitive and no one would pick you up if you fell--more likely, kick you in the ribs. The result, well, I think I have done about as well as I could with this life, given the sort of start I had. If I had to do things over, I would have set my mind to figuring out a way to avoid the dreadful high school I went to. It was a waste of time, not helpful in any way, and not educational in the slightest. I would have been much better off simply being locked in a library for eight hours a day. In a library, I would have absorbed the knowledge of the world and emerged in four years knowing a lot about a lot. School taught nothing, except people are morons, brutes and liars. That was the basic lesson, drilled daily, with tests all the time, and God help you if you forgot. Although, God wasn't around, because the Church just sold a whole load of generalities and called it spirituality. Whatever. Church never seemed satisfying to me and never made me feel even slightly closer to divinity.

Now, I finally know what education really is. Education is learning on your own, by yourself, at your own pace, fast or slow. I finally know what spirituality is. Spirituality is having a personal relationship with the greater powers, free of nonsense and window-dressing, just plain, straight-up communion, guided by common sense and a desire for that which is good.

The two criminals, that violent sociopath and the P.E. teacher that always turned a blind eye or, when he noticed, opted to blame the victim, succeeded in their objective, if their goal was to cost me a lot of suffering and lost time, lost future wages and lost prospects. They achieved their dark victory. If there is justice in the Universe, if Karma is real, as Donald Michael Kraig fervently believes, judging by his opinions in "Modern Magick," then their payback for their sins would be great. I myself rather doubt the existence of karma, based on what we know about various historical figures. Good does not always prosper, not is evil always vanquished or punished in any way. Sometimes good people are harmed with impunity, and evil-doers enjoy their lives to the very end of their days. I think rather that Karma is a useful construct, make-believe, that Kraig and many other would-be philosophers like to indoctrinate their students with in the hope and the prayer of spreading goodness and light through the world. But I don't really believe in Policeman Karma watching and weighing rights and wrongs and sanctioning wrong-doers. Would it were so, but alas, the Universe does seem oblivious to the cries of humble folk. I think we are regarded by divinity, if at all, in the same light as ants and bees, as pixels in a greater picture, and that what happens to us in this lifetime is not really evaluated, but kind of left up to chance.

I learned in high school, the villains seize fun and pleasure and get away with it, and those that harm none can suffer for a long time. It was kind of a reverse morality lesson, learning evil in school. My moral instructors were the bully and the P.E. teacher. It took years to unlearn those lessons. That is about the summit of what happened in high school. Not, in my opinion, a judicious use of taxpayer dollars. Did the P.E. teacher earn his salary? No. Where was karma? Missing in action. I did not even think about karma in those days, because I had a more traditional view of the Universe. I thought, where is God? I did not observe any hints of true Christianity in school. Maybe a number of students professed Christianity, that is, if you asked them, oh sure, even been born again and all that jazz, but it was like brand-name clothing they wore to boast and brag about their piety. Now P.E. was a pretty big class, over thirty of my peers, and they knew exactly what was going on, every one of them, they witnessed him and me. Not a word nor an action. Their indifference did not pass unmarked by me. Indeed it was taken into consideration in order to form a worldview. That is what happens in youth, forming of the worldview. Now, my worldview has evolved since then, for sure, for the better, I think. But then I thought, this world is evil, all are evil. In darkness man dwells. And many a time, I thought to open my veins.

What stayed my hand? Why did I choose to remain in this world? I think memories of happier times, a vague notion that "This, too, shall pass," and my inner optimism. Certainly I am pleased that my younger self did not take any drastic action. It was true, life did get better. I got out of that hell-hole school, did much better in college where I was freer and more independent and not forced to sit in assigned seating in some stupid P.E. class with a stupid know-nothing instructor. I was able to make a living and be independent, and that is good enough for me.

The concept of Karma does interest me. I really want to believe in it, a just Universe, but you know, setting my own personal hell-story aside, along with all my own personal experiences, just crack open a history book. What the hell kind of karma did the victors of every war receive for all their killing and destruction? Certainly plenty of generals and dictators have gone on to enjoy a cushy retirement. Look at Napoleon, for one. You can say Russia was karma, and I would reply, karma for his troops, while Napoleon himself went on to stir up trouble the next ten years and eventually idle his remaining days in exile.

Scanning the Headlines

On a daily basis, there is nothing to do but scan the headlines each day, just to check whether WW3 is breaking out.

There is nothing a poor, humble ordinary citizen can do until election-time rolls around. Then, I feel, it is one's duty to vote. The country does not ask terribly much in the way of duty. To vote is a small thing, denied only by the petty. I think personally it is a sin not to vote, to not have any engagement at all with representative democracy. That way opens the door to dictatorship. People do not realize, voting is new. We are one of the very few generations to have the privilege. Some people simply never paid attention in history class.

I try to avoid getting too wrapped up in the headlines, the news buzz of the day. Much gets blown all out of proportion. Every politician gets criticized more than is their due, merely for acting in ways that would ensure they get reelected. It is human nature to want to succeed at what one does, to not want to fail, so it is human nature for a politician to want to get reelected.

Really, many disagreements over policy boil down to tribe A vs. tribe B, the two tribes simply not getting along, one desiring power over the other. In the United States, the whites fear ceding power to the browns, which really goes far in explaining the difference between the Republicans and the Democrats. The differences between the parties are complicated and numerous, but the similarities are greater than the differences. In reality, the Democrats and Republicans agree on far more than they disagree upon. Republicans favor a strong class system, rewarding both birthright and merit. An aristocracy is favored. Meanwhile, the poor are kept so, by and large, kept in their place and their numbers reduced through attrition. I think it is fair to say the Republicans believe government can't solve problems, and that evolution should be allowed to take its course among the poorer classes. Those that get an unlucky roll of the dice in health or birth should endure it or die, so that the rich may enjoy a better cake, with more gold and silver ornaments. I can't think why else there would be such opposition to health care, which is extremely expensive, there is no doubt. Perhaps they may even be right, that vast numbers should sacrifice and stop reproducing. If eugenics really took hold, then perhaps the result would be a healthier population, in the end. Getting to that end, there would be unhappiness. Does the end justify the means? At any rate, the national debt increases with no end in sight, so eventually, more sacrifices will arise. More than likely, if history repeats itself, the working class will have to pay all the national debt by sacrificing its Social Security, and all the aged and infirm will be told, "Go back to work. Become a Wal-Mart greeter or work in the Amazon warehouse," even at seventy-five.

I was hoping that the Republicans could really make health care better, which is to say more efficient, but they seem to work for the health care industry. I am afraid that the Democrats do, too. Both parties are sold out, unfortunately. I wonder who is representing the poor working American? Everything these days seems to be based upon how much money can be raised. I know that health care stocks in general have been rising by double digits every year. I think that if the Federal government took a strong hand, then much fraud and waste could be eliminated. That was my half-hope when Trump took office, that he would bully the industry into making needed reforms, but instead, he just sought to eliminate the government's involvement in health care altogether. I suppose if one is sick, that is not the problem of the government, but of the individual, and there is always an option to open an artery, rejoin the Earth and be replaced, like a malfunctioning robot. One day, perhaps there will be no need for workers at all, and the whims of the rich can be served by an army of robots, who need no health care or retirement benefits, and don't vote Democrat, let alone vote or express any opinion at all. Paradise?

Sing a Song of Sobriety

I am proud of being sober.

True, it is a modest accomplishment. People like my mother thought nothing of it. To her, sobriety came naturally, was a done deal, always active. Sobriety is not a positive good, per se. It is merely the absence of a vice.

H. Sapiens, including many people I know and many people we read about in the media, has a huge problem with drinking in particular and also other drugs. That is why I am proud to be sober, because other folks aren't. I can look at them and think, well, I'm better off, wiser, stronger, etc. In reality, perhaps, just a modicum. It is a small thing. Perhaps I have grown ambitious. I want to find more in this life, see more meaning, and I see no meaning in a bottle, none at all. I see the desire for death in the bottle, and it seems to me, so many people are weary of this mortal coil, and in their hearts wish to fade and disappear, to which end, drinking serves like rocket fuel. For the thinking mind gets retarded by the progress of alcohol, and base animals we become under its influence.

To drink is irrational. Upon accepting that drinking is harmful, the mind must solve a riddle, why drink at all? Everywhere, at many social functions, drinks are offered, and booze is easy to come by, plentiful. Temptation is everywhere. Yet to a mind armored in the magic of NO, there is no temptation. This enchanted armor protects me. My gratitude and love increase every time I emerge from a store without clutching cans of poison. I know that I am no longer contributing to my own demise. I am not actively working to harm the self. Indeed this is what drinking is, or any drug use really, and also many other activities engaged in by humans. I hate to say it, but folks like to self-harm. I don't know of a better word for it. The mystical term I borrowed from Freud is Thanatos. Human beings are in thrall to Thanatos, the inverse, perhaps, to Apollo.

One must accept a certain level of boredom. Coping with boredom is one of the first skills a newly sober person must master. How to deal with bouts of boredom, anxiety, mild depression, and worry. Finding new coping methods is a big challenge. For me, I found that in abandoning one irrational practice--drinking--it helped to embrace another irrational practice--spirituality. There is no logical reason to believe in X, Y, or Z, but I feel that belief is unnecessary, even irrelevant. How can such an insignificant, temporary accumulation of cells suppose that it has gathered enough data to actually believe in something? No, working hypothesises are quite acceptable, as we grope our way through this dark and misty veil of the world, where so much is unknown and unseen, and our sensory apparatus so limited, and our knowledge so small. Belief, bah!

If necessary, make-believe. Nothing wrong with pretending, really, either consciously or unconsciously. The main thing is to be positive, to be aligned with that which is good and wholesome. Kindness, gentleness. As far as theology or theory or doctrine goes, that sort of things gets rewritten and revised every Aeon, and who knows, really? Perhaps some things are quite beyond full comprehension by the mortal mind, but is comprehension really necessary in the first place?

I would rather spend time contemplating Light than digesting alcohol sugars (and getting fatter and slower). Simple as that. I think being a touch anti-social actually helps, because so many self-congratulating, very self-satisfied social people I see require the drinking of alcohol in order to be social. If alcohol is the only way to be social, then perhaps it is not worth being social with such individuals. Sober people offer better company, in general.

Climate Change

Doomsy Day, as I call it, has been a popular subject since before our day, going back thousands of years.

The Atom Bomb is the most popular and prevalent catalyst supposed to bring about Doomsy Day. Prior to the advent of the Atom Bomb, people had to deal with diseases such as the Bubonic Plague that threatened to wipe out, if not everybody, a whole lot of people. Then the Christians were always fretting about God's Apocalypse, wherein anyone that wasn't right with Jesus had to pay the price--or be forgiven all their sins, depending on one's spin of religion. Plenty of religions have apocalyptic themes, because our ancestors had a rough life, and wrestled with diseases, warfare (often incessant), starvation and malnutrition, oppression, and even meteor strikes, hurricanes, floods and other calamities.

In my youth, we only really worried about the Atom Bomb, and it's still a worry, and isn't going away but is actually getting worse. The likelihood that some fool or group of fools is going to blast his enemies away with nuclear fission has increased, if anything. At least with the Cold War, you had a restricted number of nations in the "Nuclear Club," and the technology was all so new, that the foolish leaders were quite in awe of the weapons and reluctant to experiment with them. Nowadays every two-bit ignorant-as-hell regime on earth is hell-bent on getting nukes, and that scenario isn't going away anytime soon. Part of the problem is that the U.S. invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, alarming all the other two-bit, ignorant-as-hell regimes, to where they reckon they need nukes to protect against U.S. invasion. But you know, China is no walk in the park either, and may well start invading other countries too, one day soon.

Nowadays, climate change is the big boogie man, and just like nukes, I foresee NO SOLUTION, only pain and suffering for the world's population, not only of humans but all living creatures. Drastic, rapid change is going to result in a whole lot of death and poverty, and the poor people are not going to be taking it sitting down either, they are going to rise up, but they will face armies of drones hired by the rich to protect property. That is my sober (and sad) prediction. When times get tough, instead of pulling together, people often pull apart.

Of course, Republicans are extremely concerned about climate change. Not.

China doesn't seem too bothered, either, nor India, nor many other countries outside of Western Europe, and Western Europe has been enjoying a free ride on America's back for the past fifty years. They get to tariff us, and we don't tariff them back, and they get free military defense, while the U.S. taxpayer bears the whole cost. Nice, I'm sure they can fret over global warming under such a great situation.

Anyone living on the coast has to be asleep at the switch at some level. Every year is a roll of the dice. Although, I suppose for people over fifty, the thought may arise, not much time left anyway, and the good years are in the rear-view mirror anyway.

I think that environmentalists are too harsh on their fellow humans about climate change. Really, climate change is not something that H. Sapiens evolved to cope with. We do not have such high capacity. We are indeed fools. "What fools these mortals be!" as Shakespeare put it. Asking people to sacrifice thousands of dollars for a payoff in the distant future, when all these foreigners are not committed to sacrificing anything, is too much. Should Americans pay, yet again, to save the world, when we already saved the world from Nazism and Communism? Christ, we're not Christ. Can't somebody else step up? How about China? Well, China's a greedy, ruthless fascist state that cares nothing for anyone or anything save the enrichment of Communist Party leaders. Russia's a mafia state. What else is there? Europe is a Tower of Babel, too many different languages, cultures and petty little regional governments, they could never come together over the smallest thing, and they make foolish decisions anyway, like letting in the Islamist terrorists and forcing member states to accept knife attacks and bombs blowing up in coffee shops. The general man on the street does not particularly want to watch his body parts blast across the street, just because some politician wants to score points at an international conference.

So, the world can't do anything, because there's no leadership, and the only thing H. Sapiens is interested in is individual wealth and power. The good of all is a foreign concept, kind of a liberal, hippy notion.

At any rate, the world is a-changing, and there's no stopping change. Even the strong and the wise will be impacted. There is a great deal of random on the way. The best one can do is get prepared. Abandon the coast, first of all. That is rather obvious. Other than that, move North, because North is cooler, at least in these United States. Living in a tropical environment has not seemed to be a good thing economically, if we survey the countries of the world.