One of the problems that faced gay youth in former decades was the lack of signposts in our society. Growing up, there didn't seem to be much of a future. There were few or no role models. Marriage was not an option and still is not in most states. All teachers at school either professed to be or were straight, or else never alluded to their love lives, leaving it an unmentionable mystery. A student could get a detention just for asking! As for the other students, everyone referred to gays as "fags," and their understanding of it, if any deeper than the label itself, went no further than the sex acts, described in the crudest manner. To make matters worse, homosexuality was associated with AIDS and death. "GAY" stood for "Got Aids Yet?", a formula recited by millions of schoolchildren the world over. Of course, no one at Church was gay! That goes without saying. Homosexuality was never mentioned from the pulpit in either a positive or a negative way.
The local newspaper occasionally mentioned the subject, but only in the context of crime: man rapes boy; undercover officer arrests homosexual in public bathroom or park; young men tie up and rob homosexual lawyer, who reports the crime only to be exposed as a homosexual in the newspaper. Sometimes the paper printed right-wing editorials that characterized homosexuals as every conceivable type of villain imaginable. My blood used to boil reading those editorials, because I knew they were outrageously unfair. Sometimes I wrote a letter to the editor to complain about it, but I was never bold enough to sign my own name, being a teenager at the time. I was sure it would get me in trouble somehow. The newspaper never published my letters anyway.
My letters tended to be discarded without response, whether I was writing to the newspaper, a magazine, or to the man who wrote a weekly column in our paper. In the last case, however, I remember writing a letter arguing in the most passionate terms for the inclusion of young gay men in the military. This time, I wrote in longhand, without a computer, to make it more personal, and signed the letter with my name. I said that I myself was eighteen years old, six feet tall, of sound mind and body, strong and brave and ready to die to defend my country. How can anyone deny me the right to serve my country? He did not respond, and I thought my effort was wasted. However, ten years later, he wrote in his column in favor of gays in the military. I think my letter may have had a delayed impact. Sometimes one plants a seed, and long does it take to root and grow. But all that I had written was true. I did not say anything that I did not believe in with all my soul. When one writes the truth, it carries great weight among those that are capable of discerning truth from falsehood. Never forget this. It is to the credit of good people, because they speak the truth. Evil-doers must lie, because it is their nature, but they will be discovered.
In many cases, I later learned that the most outspoken homophobes were themselves closeted homosexuals, which filled me with a sense of sadness and irony. Why would they betray their own kind? Homophobia was a common kind of self-hate. The men most likely to tolerate homosexuals were the ones that were popular with women and completely comfortable with their heterosexuality. A heterosexual man is pleased to find that there is less competition for females. Only the men that were uncertain about their sexual preference felt they had something to prove. They were the ones that wrote slander against homosexuals in newspapers and magazines.
My parents excluded all adult gays from their society, so I was never exposed to productive, mature, working adult gays. The lack of signposts are a negative influence upon gay youth. For my part, I fell in with criminal elements, the drop-outs and outcasts of our society, because I felt that I must be one too. There was a sense of kinship, of shared destiny. I rather wish there had been signposts, visible guides that demonstrated for me an obtainable future. Censorship, repression, and bullying did not help. Instead, they reinforced a sense that I was different, possibly bad.
I am not sure that the right-wingers really understand the benefits that will trickle down to everyone. Their view of human nature tends to be rather paranoid and punitive. Despite the kicking and screaming of the right-wingers, we are becoming a more human society, more genuine and closer to the heart. The changes that have come about in this country in the area of gay rights so far have been encouraging and signs of positive growth for our society. There will be many that lead happier and more productive lives as a result. A stronger nation will result. No one ever wanted sexuality to be a political issue. I would prefer my love life to be private and of no consequence. When confronted with systematic injustice, politicization becomes a necessity. We have other issues of great importance to confront, and by no means is homosexuality the final frontier. There is also poverty, disease, war, and the environment. But having a more enlightened approach to homosexuality helps. It is one more brick placed into the foundation of a sane society.
