Nothing Matters

To know that nothing matters is a liberation. To think that things matter betrays attachment to things. Non-attachment is the way. If one lives in a world of constant change, then a simple path presents itself, to embrace the change and flow with it.

We think things matter because it is a prerequisite of living as an animal. Breathing matters. Feeding matters. To think that these things matter is very useful to an animal. The habit of mind can become all-encompassing, leading one to believe that even little things matter, such as a parking space that one has grown accustomed to or a brand of candy carried by the grocery store. We forget the ultimate reality, which is that nothing matters.

On this planet, there are people now. They were not there in the past. They will not be there in the future. No record will be preserved of their existence. This is a simple concept, but difficult to accept. The Universe does not play favorites.

Out-Christian the Christians

There are many who profess to be Christians and proclaim loudly their religiosity. I am amused by their designs to make others think they are good. They sometimes succeed through strenuous efforts at self-promotion and frequent, very public attestations of faith. They gain leverage among others of like mind in order to advance in their careers and in the world. That is their goal and their machinery is transparent to those who watch and listen.

When possible, I like to out-Christian the Christians, not in words but in deeds, and to operate, not necessarily seen or recognized, as a force for good in the world, by helping and assisting others who are good. I do not mind being anonymous. I like doing good just because. Not because I believe some invisible man is watching, a godling or some such, though perhaps that is so. My opinion is unsettled on that matter. How would I know other than how I feel? Feelings are not infallible. I could well be mistaken.

But if there were a god, she is rather a goddess, because I cannot conceive of a masculine god. The power of generation is feminine. The male can only subtract, not add. We subtract rather too often in my opinion. It is regrettable.

As for Tacita, she is not the primary goddess, but a relation. Distant, I think.

Knock Idols Off Their Pedestal

Whenever one creates idols, it is wise to knock them off their pedestals whenever possible. Idols beget idolatry, which is supposed to be naughty. I do not believe a human being qualifies as a deity. Such an elevation oversteps a boundary. Some human beings do approach the divine, but not quite there, surely.

I like to gather knowledge about my idols, using tools that are familiar to me, and that serves to humanize and demythologize them. Then I can incorporate my former idols into my understanding of reality and human existence.

Best of all is to have a belly-laugh over a former idol. Thanks for that, Donald.

Silence

I admire those that have learned to be, or who always were, quiet watchers and listeners. Silence is really underrated. People, politicians and socialites, talk and talk, out of nervousness, anxiety, or boredom, not realizing that in many cases, they help themselves not at all. It best to talk when one has something to say. When one has nothing to say, silence is best. Talkers help their listeners in forming opinions and gathering information. One conserves energy and prestige by saying as little as possible. To observe, retain, and use knowledge is really the way. Except when there is something useful to say, silence is best. Silence has the tacit approval of Tacita.

The Model vs. the Ideal

I compare myself to the ideal, as conceived by me, and come up short. I know there is room for improvement, in areas such as memory and intelligence, and suspect that improvements are the name of the eugenics game being played by modern scientists around the globe. Indeed, who cares about workers and their rights, because the future won't need workers, or at least not as many of them. If H. Sapiens improves (evolves), becoming stronger, more robust, more agile, smarter, and longer-lived, then the world could get by quite well with a tiny fraction of the existing population of workers. How many living people are really required to run a society? That is open to debate, given the emergence of automation and robotics, as well as the possibility of improving human DNA. If future people become capable of living thousands of years or forever, then that is a huge advantage over current models of people. If future people will be ten times smarter than me, then I suppose that people like me can be dispensed with. Of course, that is what has always happened on this planet. H. Sapiens is only the latest iteration of many different models of the walking ape. Maybe there will be a successor created not by evolution but by the laboratory and market forces.

This seems to be the thinking, or rather the deeper, unspoken, secret thinking, behind trends in the world. Technology, philosophy, and economic forces point in the direction I have described. It is not necessarily wrong, even if it is unpleasant and frightening. If the end result is a better H. Sapiens, then perhaps sacrifices need to be made, in terms of quality of life or even life itself. I don't like it, but that seems to be the way that the world is headed, whether I like it or not. I would hope for a gentler transition, but I think that may not be part of the program. One can't count on stability. Stability is a bonus, a prize denied to many of our ancestors.

If I am fortunate, I will survive to an appropriate old age, such as eighty or so, and then cash in my chips, well-liked and well-remembered by those who know me. I hope the economy does not crash, or war break out, or something foolish like that, but one never knows, with Trumps and Putins and Khameinis and Kim Il-Jongs running around in the world stirring up trouble with their nuclear bombs, missiles and tanks, and nasty threats and disregard for others. Many people seem to think that hatred and warfare is the way, and that peace is for sissies, and morality is for losers. The warrior ethos still holds great appeal for wannabe candidates to Valhalla. This may be a fatal flaw in H. Sapiens, given the capabilities of our weapons. Hatred and warfare, so much of it, reinforced over generations. To recover from traumatic violence may require more than one lifetime, and cycles tend to repeat and reinforce.

If I am not fortunate, then that is okay too. I think the world will go on turning.

Veneration for Things Ancient

I'm dismayed by a certain writer's reverence for the ancientry, their practices and beliefs. We moderns have, most of us, concluded that our ancestors were wrong about a great many things. And in any event, whether they were correct in any specific instance, there is no question but that modern, Western societies are nicer places to live than ancient kingdoms. I would not want to go back two thousand years. Ancient people hurt others for little or no reason and waged war as a regular profession. Cruelty was commonplace. Everything was the fault of invisible demons or gods or spirits, and people were afraid of the dark and did not understand anything about science. Ignorance was rampant, reason in short supply, and people died for stupid reasons.

Also, our ancients were not that old, in the cosmic sense. Ten thousand years is not really all that much compared to the age of the planet we live on. What reason have we to suppose that there was anything the ancients knew that we do not? What sort of advantage accrued to the practitioners of magic? We do not today see any on the public stage. Why should they hide, and why should they be in the minority, if their practices work, even in some small way? These questions should occur to anyone that reads about magic. If magic were a really useful thing, would we not learn about in school?

Donald Tyson's Sexual Alchemy

I suspect people dabble in magic to horrify the orthodoxy. Christians seem upset by mentions of witchcraft, fearing it comes from the Devil. The Islamists behead people for witchery, along with a thousand other supposed crimes. The Jews, who knows? They invented the Kaballah back in the day. But most modern Jews are probably amused by witchcraft and don't take it seriously. There really is not a clear Jewish position on magic.

I think witchcraft comes from foolishness, not the Devil. I don't believe in the Devil, but if he does exist, then he is a rather weak and unimpressive bogey. I quit believing in the Devil around the age of thirteen. It is an easy matter to establish whether the Devil or any other entity has real power and authority in the world. Invoke the thing by name, and if it does not appear, insult it. Nothing happen? Fine, then you know the thing is the fantasy of shaman from long ago.

I've been browsing Donald Tyson's book on sexual alchemy, in which he discusses how to attract and recruit a spirit lover, presumably, one that has no material existence in the world as we know it. One never really knows what is meant by the word "spirit" or "spiritual" when it is bandied about by those who really believe. I am not sure Tyson knows what is meant by the word "spirit," either. He seems unperturbed by pesky logic.

Tyson lays out an intricate system for harnessing magic. He is rather vague on material results, but who cares about the material world, anyway? He does not promise material results--a wise and prudent move on his part as a writer, because in my opinion, there will be none. Instead, he talks about communing with spiritual entities and traveling through the astral plane, which is a more achievable goal for the self-deluded. For me, airplanes are more effective than the astral plane. Magic seems like a mind-trip people indulge for pleasure and amusement. If it were effective, then we would all use it, not only lonely dabblers in the dark. It is not prejudice or close-mindedness that keeps us from magic. Magic does not work. Even if magic worked a little bit, people would use it. People use software all the time that doesn't work that great. We don't expect miracles, but need to see a little bit of benefit in this world, not the imaginary world.

As for Tyson, I can't help but feel like he is in magic for profit. People want to achieve power beyond the human capability, so they buy his books, because he promises that the process is easy and just requires certain rituals and a lot of patience, I assume a lifetime of patience, because nothing will happen in a whole lifetime spent dabbling in magic. He explains a complicated system, which fills up hundreds of pages to the end of his book, and then counsels patience. Clever, no? He regurgitates a mixed salad of superstition from the ages: astrology, mythology, the Kaballah, and who knows what else, flaunting his knowledge to establish himself as an authority on magic. I suppose this is pointed at other magicians, who might dismiss Tyson if he didn't know all of the lore they knew, but might accept him if he reveals things they did not know. If someone believes all of that and takes it seriously, then by the time they reach his book's end, they will have invested a lot of time learning and constructing their own reality with his ideas. I think magic only works when people believe in it. Thus, it is the same as any other delusion, such as religion. I do not think that Tyson can achieve power or knowledge over me or anyone else by using only magic. If only the world were that simple, then life would be easy indeed. The Tysons of the world are these romantics that hope human beings are more powerful, and human life more meaningful, than it really is. In reality, we are numbers generated by other numbers, and math is at the heart of the cosmos and explains everything. Magic appeals to those befuddled by arid, difficult math, like Tyson, because it is easier and more accessible.

Magical practice can transform the self, like any other exercise that people do, but whether for good or ill depends upon the nature of the practice. I do think there are odd things in life that beg explanation. We do not understand them yet, but magic is not an optimal hypothesis. Old gods and demons are not the answer. The lore of the ancients can be discarded. Direct experience and experimentation is the way. That which is called a goddess, what is it really but a facet of ourselves, and why should we not call it by another name?

Vampires

Some are vampires, requiring the proximity of others to replenish their ever-diminishing supply of vitality. They drain. It is well to avoid them, when possible.

Others are independent, drawing energy from the earth and the air. These I count among my friends.

Reality Is What We Make of It

Reality is what we make of it. I feel this is true about everything. My opinions seem like the simple truth to me. Others have contrary opinions and seem to have great conviction that they, instead of me, are right. I am impressed by those with conviction, but also suspicious, because I wonder how quickly they arrived at their opinions, and whether they considered the other sides much at all. Perhaps their opinion was formed long ago on the basis of information that has since been discredited.

Marijuana has had reams of misinformation broadcast about it. So many lies have been cultivated about marijuana, it is a strange wonder that anyone at all likes it. Based upon the lies, you would think every human being on the planet would be actively engaged in eradicating the demon seed. Yet that is not the case. Instead, hundreds of millions of people adore marijuana, and great numbers have done so since ancient times. Why? Who is right? Is marijuana good or bad?

I like to call marijuana "weed," because it is, in fact, a weed, particularly in areas where it is illegal. It grows quickly and spreads on its own in the wild, and humans have declared war on it, for better or worse, ever since the 1930s, although before that time, Americans found marijuana useful. Abe Lincoln liked to smoke it.

Some have the modest and humble opinion that weed is, at the very least, better than alcohol. They are not saying it is good, but only that it is better than alcohol, which is not saying very much at all, because we know alcohol is bad. I have this opinion, and I think it is self-evident, requiring very little in the way of debate, that is, if both sides are being honest and objective. Many believe this based upon direct experimentation with both substances, individually and in combination. Their opinion is, therefore, grounded in direct experience, which is the best manner to form an opinion. Their reality is evidence-based. Bolstering their position is a pretty vast amount of scientific literature. To ignore the science surrounding marijuana is not dishonest, but it is lazy. In summary, alcohol is toxic to the human body, while weed is not. Twenty years of drinking will devastate the body and mind more surely than an entire lifetime of vaporizing. Emphasis must be placed on the verb, vaporizing. One does not smoke in 2016. Smoking is a relic of the past, and anyone who believes that weed is smoked is not living in the modern age. All of the arguments about the negative effects of smoking must be revisited to come to terms with modern methods and to come to terms with legal weed, a product that is pure, unadulterated, unsullied by crime and by criminals, and sold in well-lit and state-sanctioned retail stores.

A diminishing minority of Americans, less than fifty per cent, believe weed is worse than alcohol, and therefore should remain illegal. Within this group, some have never tried it. Their reality is based upon what others have told them. Other people have constructed reality for them, and they have accepted that version of reality, often without question, much as religious zealots do. Others within the group have tried weed, and for whatever reason, have concluded weed is worse. I heard from a man today who once smoked marijuana, but quit. He told me "Dope is wrong," and his reasoning was that weed makes people stupid. Well, it so happens that I agree. Inebriates tend to make people stupid. No one is arguing that weed makes anyone smarter. The effect, however, is short-lived and does not persist. He also said that when he used weed, it gave him the munchies, and he overate, resulting in his obesity. Well, weed varies. Some weed does trigger appetite. This is extremely useful in those suffering from nausea. For an obese person, abstinence may be best. But to conclude from all of that that people should go to jail for possessing weed is ridiculous. Nevertheless, he seemed to think that there is nothing wrong with locking people up for weed. I think that he simply likes the idea of locking people up, and it pleases him so, he does not stop to think about the rightness or wrongness of the law. What profit is there, after all, in debating the merit of things? Why not just accept everything as it is, however bad?

Looking for Problems Where There Are None

There are two types of troublemakers in the world.

The first are obvious, the ones that start trouble because they delight in it. They are also known as criminals, terrorists or nitwits.

The second are the ones that invent imaginary problems and then go make trouble to try to solve the imaginary problems. These folks don't like trouble and are trying to prevent trouble, and in so doing are targeting what they think is a source of trouble. The trouble with that is, it is just imaginary trouble.

Many problems are imaginary, rather than real. If a problem has not been analyzed exhaustively from every angle, in cold blood, without passion, then it may not be a problem at all, but just a symptom of one of H. Sapien's finer attributes, creativity. We love to create things, and one of the things we create is imaginary problems. Much of what is perceived as reality is in fact imagined, distorted, or misinterpreted. For the same reason, humans have difficulty beating computers at chess. Computers analyze exhaustively, from every angle, in cold blood, without passion. Should we wish to improve ourselves, we should emulate our wondrous machines, without abandoning our good quality of love.

Regets of an Older Person

I have grown old enough to remember times past. Now I regret several trends in the modern world.

First and foremost, I dislike that cold hard cash is going away. I think money is a good thing. It is hard to trace, which is both good and bad, depending on the situation. I like less information in the hands of governments, because I do not trust governments. The American government is one of the better ones, but I still do not trust it completely. That which is mortal is prone to failure--and to corruption. Money is good for human beings, because we evolved along with it for thousands of years, and it has a long history with us. When money is invisible, as in the case of a credit card, then it is hard to fathom. I see young people getting into debt all the time, and not idiots either, but extremely intelligent young people, who should know better, but they have been seduced by the siren call of easy credit and getting things now as opposed to saving up for them. Where is wisdom, forbearance, and delayed gratification? Young people are the ones that will suffer most, because they have been unschooled by money.

And money is a school. I know exactly how much I can spend at any given time, because of the money in my wallet. I can see it. I can feel it. It has a texture. It even has a smell. If it takes a little bit longer to make change at a cash register, then that delay allows time for reflection over my purchase. The easier and the faster that a purchase is, the more likely it will be made upon impulse and not grounded in reason. Credit cards are horrible tools devised by clever marketing specialists. They use psychology, mathematics, and statistics, just like casino owners, to overwhelm the feeble human defences against overspending and impulse purchases. Remember, it was not long ago that there existed no money, no market, no economy. We were hunter-gatherers. Money in itself is a recent and radical innovation. Before money, there was bartering. Credit cards have arisen just within the last hundred years, and the human race is far from ready for them.

I regret that America is less than what it once was, and that no-one seems capable of reversing its decline, while China rises. China will cause many problems in the world, because their leadership is ruthless. America appears to be ruled by crony capitalists who seem only interested in their own affairs rather than those of their country. There is too much corruption and too little efficiency. Much money and time is wasted upon pointless exercises, such as adventures in the Middle East. It would be better to attend to domestic problems than to meddle overseas. Improve infrastructure and invest in scientific research and education is the simple answer and the correct one. But people want to stretch for bloody glory against weak enemies, foes that die easily but reproduce their numbers continually, so that a never-ending quagmire of money-draining goes on. Meanwhile, China improves infrastructure and invests in scientific research. Can anyone read the writing on the wall? Perhaps I will be gone before the fate I see comes to pass.

I am neutral, rather than partisan, on the issue of books and newspapers. They were good and bad. There was a lot of bad. Some people don't remember. They think of Shakespeare when they think of books. I remember bad books, bad newspapers, bad magazines. So now the world derives information online. I do not think that is necessarily a bad thing. I think it may be good, but I reserve judgment. I do like books, too. But most books are probably bad. There are some authors that I really like to escape with and join them in their mental space for hours and days and months at a time. Their books are good. They can be formative, even life-changing. I think books will always be with us. Videos can be tedious, and they are hard to produce, but not only that, some people express themselves best through thought, rather than theatrics, and books are the most efficient medium for thought.

Health care is a big PITA in the U.S.A., and is only getting worse. Nurses and doctors are now expected to be accountants and programmers. Instead of studying medicine, they must study computer programs and insurance plans. Instead of paying attention to the patient, they pay attention to the computer. So health care is terrible. When you go to see a nurse, she has to stare at the computer screen instead of listening to you. Meanwhile, other countries like Canada have health care figured out. Unfortunately, in the USA we have something called the Republican party that opposes anything that might potentially improve the lot of the poor or minorities. If you have insurance, then you have to navigate a maze of different insurance companies, different insurance policies, updates to said policies, HSA debit cards, insurance cards, toll-free numbers with wait times in excess of one hour, and so on, ad nauseum. I am sick to death of insurance companies. I have four different insurance companies for different facets of my health care, four different usernames and passwords, four different phone numbers I need to call, and I had no choice in the matter but was given this by my employer. The Democrats are stupid because they want to make health care more complicated, rather than less. The Republicans are stupid because they don't even want people to have health care in the first place. Both of the stupidities intermingle and combine to create an ever bigger stupidity. And what we are left with is health care in the U.S., which is boneheaded stupid.

I will have to continue this post another time.

Goals

My goals are simple and, I think, humble. I want to live the good life, with a minimum of drama. I had enough drama as a youngster. And when I reach the dregs of the cup of life, and this world please me no more, I wish to fade from it, or rather vanish from it, with silence and dignity, leaving no loose ends, nothing other than this mortal shell. Maybe I will find a way to dispose of that as well with dignity and decorum.

Drop Everything

A good life is one where you could drop everything--die--and not leave too much undone, when you feel you're in the bonus round anyway.

God & Sex

How can anyone believe that the architect of the Cosmos concerns himself with a primate's gonadal impulses, whether hetero- or homo- sexuality? The idea tickles my funny bone. Those who believe it earnestly in the modern age must be subnormal in intelligence. Or perhaps they are obsessed with sex.

Just Say No to Suicide

Certainly, young people strike me as silly sometimes. The suicide of young, healthy people seems ridiculous, a ridiculous waste of potential, and I abhor reading about news stories in which a young person has taken their own life, because their motive often seems petty.

What do I know? Was I there? Did I want to die at fifteen? Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I did, and it became a favorite fantasy of mine. If you want to know what I was fantasizing about as a teenage boy, it was Death, He was my suitor, and He was Romantic, Charming, and tempting. I saw into the other side and wanted to be there with the others, because They, the dead, seemed just as good, if not better, than the living. But that was then, and this is now.

I think that life is an opportunity, and we are fortunate to have it, and to waste it seems pointless and rather stupid. Why not see what develops? Patience. Wait and see. To end it all precludes all possibility for anything good unfolding. A young person has a long life ahead and has only experienced a tiny fraction of it so far. Why be hasty and judge the rest as worthless? Wait and see. Things do get better.

Grown-ups sometimes just aren't willing to make any effort towards understanding, because they are set in their ways. Grown-ups are not lazy or stupid, by any means, or rather most of them are not. They tend to be hard-working and clever, but they are fixed in their habits of thinking, and somewhere along the way they may have lost a flexibility of mind, an agility that allows one to walk inside the mind of another.

For instance, being gay or transgender should not be a big deal. So what? There have been and there are millions of gay and transgender kids. Nor is smoking marijuana. These are small things that cause people to freak out, because they haven't enough drama in their life and a secret part of them craves the manufacturing of drama, like on TV.

Once one moves past the brouhaha, one finds that, yes, gay people exist and have good lives, and marijuana does not warp the brain for life after all. As a matter of fact, marijuana is benign, compared to alcohol, for alcohol opens a gateway for the forces of evil to enter our world. Mohammed understood this, at least, but then, it was made obvious to him.

Society labors under a number of delusions that cause much grief. I am glad that back in the day, my instinct to survive was stronger than the desire to end all suffering, because now that I am free, I am all right. Young people go crazy due to the conflict of older people trying to control them and shape them into something that they are not. The simple fact is that children have their own DNA and cannot become perfect clones of parents. They are different not only due to genetic differences but due to the different environment, the modern culture in which they live.

If I were to speak to a young person considering suicide, I would tell them that suicide is wrong for a healthy young person. Being gay is OK, there is nothing wrong with that. Being gay, transgender, or different is not a valid reason to either consider suicide or any form of self-harm, whether it be slicing, drug abuse or risky sexual behavior. Those bad choices are the influence of the voices of darkness, dark forces that enter our world and seek to harm, to destroy. One must be strong and resist these negative impulses. In order to be good, one must be strong. Otherwise, evil wins. Do not give in to the forces of darkness. Do not let them win. If one is a good person, and one enjoys good health, then it is a wicked thing to end life. Think instead on the fate of those left behind, who will be deprived of the positive influences of one's presence. Think instead on the tremendous burdens of grief and regret left upon loved ones. It is a wrong act, a grievous Sin, and must not be permitted.

Young people are too hasty in their judgments, to apt to paint the world in black and white, too impatient with the slow crawl of progress and enlightenment. Understanding takes time. It does not happen overnight. Sometimes years or decades are required. I say wait and see. I say let love enter your heart. Resist the siren call of hatred and bitterness. Resist the voice of despair. Understand that we are limited. Human beings are feeble of mind. Yes, we are fallible in many things. Much of what we perceive may be delusion. Most of the world labors under delusions. Few people ever see the world as it is even for a single moment in time. We see as through a glass darkly. So how can we be so sure of ourselves as to make the rash assumption that life is not worth living, even before we have given it half a chance? A suicide at fourteen is not half a chance, when the average human lives to be seventy or eighty. I say wait and see. I did and I am glad I did.

Be aware there is light in the darkness. Even in the utter dark, the void, there is light that the dark cannot overcome, burning with the intensity of creation. Seek it out, draw from its energy to increase your own, and that will be your salvation.

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

The apparent paradox as to why bad things happen to good people puzzled me, coming from a Christian background. Often in the media, one finds this question being posed by traumatized people who have lost a loved one. At an early age, I learned that God runs the Universe, and God is omnipotent and omniscient, and God is Good. Why would such a God allow bad things, such as death and suffering, happen to good people? This does not seem reasonable.

I believe the only way to resolve the paradox is to depart from Christian thinking and to accept that our lives do not have quite as much significance as we think they do. Perhaps they are not altogether meaningless, but we are expendable, and I think that is self-evident, with an overwhelming abundance of evidence. All of us die. Our species could fairly easily be wiped from the planet altogether, perhaps through self-destruction, as seems likely at this point, due to our propensity for tribal warfare and our advanced military technology. Would that we had remained with bows and arrows! Think for a moment about the many species that preceded us. Where are they now? There has been a lot of bloodshed and a lot of death to get to us through the long process of evolution. There were a lot of false starts.

If there is such a thing as God, then he has demonstrated utter indifference to our fate throughout the course of history, and why should he not? Our lifespan is brief, and we are fragile and succumb to a myriad of genetic abnormalities, microbial diseases and accidents that have no relation to our moral conduct. From our design, we are meant to be temporary, disposable, expendable, and readily replaced. Those who do not accept that are thinking in childish and selfish terms and can be excused for doing so, because of course, we all would prefer to live forever without pain and suffering. I don't think that God condones death, pain and suffering. I think instead that he is removed from the equation. Those things are not considered important or are a part of the cycle of life.

The idea of living creatures as temporary avatars of the One Unifying Force appeals to me, although I don't know how it works exactly, but computer games offer a glimpse into the system. To think that all matter, everything we see and everything we are, derived ultimately from stars is a deep thought. What naturally follows from that is the observation that everything has a sameness about it, being constructed of the same material and coming from the same origin. The atoms of my body could have, but for random chance, composed one of the many layers of the Sun or the Moon. In our lives, we express a consciousness that may exist only as a potential, dormant and unexpressed, in inanimate things such as the Sun or the Moon. In time, we too lose our consciousness, and our atoms become like the Sun or the Moon, incapable of giving voice to ideas or thoughts. Our atoms are only capable of consciousness for a very brief amount of time, and for the rest of eternity remain silent as the grave, unless they become absorbed into another living being--much recycling takes place on this Earth. Why should mankind be so different, so divorced from nature, from the cosmos? I think instead we express cosmic forces that already exist in the universe, and that darkness and light, good and evil, destruction and rebirth, are expressions of those cosmic forces.

To speak of things in metaphysical terms is to simplify and concentrate the accumulated hard-won knowledge of science, in all its complexity, but we should always stay grounded in science, lest we stray into error. Scientists such as Feynman scorn philosophers in general but perhaps reserve a special scorn for those that stray far away from physical science. I would not say, for instance, that there is a God that will intervene in human affairs, because I have not witnessed that, and it seems to me if there were such a God, he would have intervened long ago to stop various atrocities and right all of the things that are wrong in the world, from North Korea to Iran to Russia and even here at home in the United States. Surely a just God would not have suffered countless injustices to go unpunished upon this Earth, were he at all concerned with the doings of humankind. There are many paradoxes in the mainstream religions that remain unresolved and point to their falseness. Also, I would not say that we have eternal life in Paradise awaiting us, because I have not seen this Paradise, and all the evidence of science points toward the cessation of consciousness at death; therefore I believe, for now, that my consciousness and individuality will be annihilated at the moment of my demise. Although that is a point of intense regret for many people, I am philosophic, because it cannot be helped, and because everyone else in the same boat, and after all, wasn't I lucky even to exist in the first place and to survive for as long as I did? Isn't it ingratitude and selfishness to demand more from the Universe? Even a moment of consciousness is more than many collections of atoms ever experience. All the atoms of the Sun--when have they possessed a single thought? Yet the atoms of the Sun outnumber the atoms of the Earth, as we have been told by our scientists. Others will inherit the earth, and let us hope that they improve the condition of the ones that follow them, as we have tried in our own ways to improve conditions in our times.

Death

Death places a halo on the head of the dead, because they are blameless. To blame them is as pointless as blaming a rock, tree, or river--they are inanimate. Only the living may be blamed for the problems of today. With the dead, in most cases one thinks, they did the best they could with the resources at hand. Indeed in some cases, it is fantastic they could do what they did do, while laboring under such tremendous handicaps. It is important to forgive and forget whenever possible. To brood upon the past makes us vulnerable to the powers of darkness that are so eager to gain a foothold into our world. Some of those on the global scene that brood over the past are those Republicans who want to do no trade with Cuba, even though our dispute with them is fifty years old, and Cuba is no worse than China, objectively--in fact, China is far more a threat to us. North Korea and Iran brood over the past. Putin broods over the past. Those who idealize the Southern Confederacy, they too brood over the past too much. Live in the present.

Although forgiveness isn't necessary, by any means, I do forgive my dead father all his real or perceived faults without exception. He was more than good enough. He was wonderful, judged in the context of his burden, and that is the only way we should judge other people. It is easy for strong people with sound minds to be proud and powerful when put to the test. They do not have to make as much effort. They do not suffer as much. To be mentally ill is a tremendous burden. Just imagining it is frightening. Living it is worse. I read the list of side effects for his medicine the other day and that helped me understand a great deal.

The reason I have never taken acid or any powerful drug is that I fear the loss of control, the giving of the self over to the Random, to evil spirits, psychosis, or self-hypnosis, or whatever takes its place. This is also the reason that other people abstain from powerful drugs--and also heavy drinking or heavy pot smoking, because even the milder substances, when taken in great excess, can impair our sense of self-control. We do fear the loss of control and are wise to do so.

My father had many good qualities, and most importantly, he intended to do good. Conscience was  powerful in him as it is in me, and this, I think, is the seed of goodness, for without conscience, what guide have we? There is no invisible guardian standing ready to cast black magic upon us, should we do ill to others, although I think there should be. We refrain from evil not so much out of fear of the law or of societal disapproval or for our own insignificant lives, but rather out of fear of committing Sin, which alienates a human being from communion with the consciousness that pervades all things, the Force, as Obi Wan-Kenobi and Yoda described it in "Return of the Jedi." Perhaps that is indeed what God is, rather than a single being. And, perhaps we are not single beings either, and individuality is an illusion, but we are all avatars of the One, and all of us are interconnected, whether we know it or not. Those that are evil delude themselves in thinking they are separate. They are wholly sold on the illusion of individuality. After the brief span of a man's days, the illusion is dispelled. What remains of an evil-doer's savage individuality is a rotting corpse, food for worms. Those that are good perceive, maybe dimly, but they perceive an invisible network connecting all living beings. They exist not only for the benefit of self, but for the benefit of others as well, because the self is transitory, and others will inherit the earth.

Sadness

I hate when good people squabble for silly reasons. Mainly due to miscommunication, I think. Tribalism, racism, homophobia, sexism, politics. It makes me sad when they cannot get along. I haven't the power to make them. If I had the power, I would make them. I would bring their heads together like in the Three Stooges. Clonk!

Would that Jesus had summoned the Host and ruled the world as Emperor eternal, wise and just. I always thought the crucifixion made no sense at all. I cannot accept such a sacrifice. Better by far to remain in the world. To ascend into Heaven and sit on the right hand of the Father is laziness. We needed you, and you left us. How is that right? So I do not believe in any of that.

Into the Calm

The best advice an old friend ever gave me was about self-control. He said if one is aware of a fault, that is, one that cannot be entirely eliminated, then besides reducing its frequency, for instance by abstaining from alcohol, there is yet another trick. When the inner eye observes the faulty logic executing, much in the same way an anti-virus would apprehend malware, one seizes the runaway process and stops it. "There I go again, so unnecessary and pointless," was the phrase he used. I find this an effective technique to defuse anger, for instance, which is such a negative emotion of limited utility in our modern world, although it may have had a purpose long ago. There are individuals that try their darnedest to provoke us into anger, because they feed upon that much as the dung-beetle feeds upon its chosen meal. I think avoidance of these types of people and ignoring their provocations may be the best strategy. When they do not get any notice of their remarks, then they do not get any satisfaction. The entire reason they provoke is to receive drama that is lacking in their lives, because no one with any sense wants to be around them for any length of time.

Don't Have to Be Perfect

Accepting that one doesn't have to be perfect is key to mental health and avoidance of depression. When I notice a fault, I try to find the humor in it rather than getting down about it. In the first place, being aware of a fault is a positive and should not be interpreted as a negative. At least awareness opens up the possibility of addressing or compensating for known faults. But people who just constantly pick and find faults in other people are unpleasant, and one doesn't wish to be around them.

I don't think a complicated top-heavy animal (big brain, frail body) can be perfect. There are going to be limitations, particularly in the functioning of the brain and personality. One isn't going to meet the standards of everyone one encounters. But all of that is OK, for the simple reason everyone is in the same boat. Since everyone's headed to the boneyard, even if there are some geniuses or strongmen nearby or out there in the wide world, as they age they will lose, one by one, in stages or suddenly, those gifts they once had, so in a way, we're all equal, except for very, very brief spurts of activity. What are 1 - 100 years in the cosmic sense of time, which is measured in billions of years if it is measured at all? Some say the Universe begins and ends, and others say it regenerates itself, and there are other theories, but the consensus is that the Universe is around for a length of time unimaginable to our brains... billions of years. So man is a flash in the pan.

I mean, all humans are doing pretty well compared to the ancestors, bacteria or amoebas or whatever, pond scum floating around and soaking up cosmic rays until random mutations led to us.