I guess I'm disqualified to run for public office because I play Dungeon Crawl.
I'm tickled that a middle-aged candidate is a level 68 orc rogue that likes killing things in her fantasy world.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
I Do Feel Sorry for Republicans
Republicans have money and power, but the downside is they have to deal with nuts in their own party. A recent case in point was a G.O.P. state senator in Arkansas who said slavery was beneficial and another who wants to deport all the Muslims. (I guess he might be considered a liberal by some Republicans, because he doesn't talk about deporting gays.) Now, many other Republicans disavowed these inflammatory statements and want nothing to do with them, which is to their credit. I am amused and a little horrified that people in power think such things in 2012, even after all of our education and culture and refinement and instant access to information in the modern age, but I am glad they are saying them because it is better that such thoughts come out into the open where they are exposed for public consumption.
In Georgia not long ago, a Republican state senator said he wanted to cane marijuana users, I imagine in addition to, rather than instead of, ten years' imprisonment and severing the fingers and gouging out the eyes. There certainly is a lunatic fringe in the Republican party that has let their hostility and resentment and anger get away with them. They seem driven by negative forces of darkness that lead them into hatred and violent thoughts directed towards others. The irony is that the very thing these conservative Republicans despise so much, marijuana, might be the best medicine for their souls to put them back in touch with the Mother.
Getting back to the Arkansas state senator who said slavery was okay, I would just like to add that I've heard that line before, but always from white people, never from black people. I don't think white folk should presume to know (or even if they presume, they should never say) what was good for another people, especially when it comes to an institution with horrible tortures and misery and abuse and death. I mean, one could argue starvation was good for Ireland and that would be equally offensive to the Irish, besides being heartless. Such thoughts lead one into error and are symptoms of erroneous thinking, of a lack of compassion to be specific.
It may be that black folks are pleased to live in North America today rather than in the coastal region of Western Africa, but it does not follow that they would ever feel good about slavery, which caused so many needless deaths and suffering. Anyone who has studied history knows that a large portion of the slaves died on the voyage from Africa to the New World due to the abominable conditions below deck. The slavers were cruel, lazy and stupid and simply accepted losses as part of their business expense because they were business criminals. I am proud that my father supported civil rights and helped blacks when and where he could in the times past when help was needed. For my part I do not see blacks as blacks but as people, and I know that each person is different, that skin color is superficial, and that inside is a unique personality and identity.
In Georgia not long ago, a Republican state senator said he wanted to cane marijuana users, I imagine in addition to, rather than instead of, ten years' imprisonment and severing the fingers and gouging out the eyes. There certainly is a lunatic fringe in the Republican party that has let their hostility and resentment and anger get away with them. They seem driven by negative forces of darkness that lead them into hatred and violent thoughts directed towards others. The irony is that the very thing these conservative Republicans despise so much, marijuana, might be the best medicine for their souls to put them back in touch with the Mother.
Getting back to the Arkansas state senator who said slavery was okay, I would just like to add that I've heard that line before, but always from white people, never from black people. I don't think white folk should presume to know (or even if they presume, they should never say) what was good for another people, especially when it comes to an institution with horrible tortures and misery and abuse and death. I mean, one could argue starvation was good for Ireland and that would be equally offensive to the Irish, besides being heartless. Such thoughts lead one into error and are symptoms of erroneous thinking, of a lack of compassion to be specific.
It may be that black folks are pleased to live in North America today rather than in the coastal region of Western Africa, but it does not follow that they would ever feel good about slavery, which caused so many needless deaths and suffering. Anyone who has studied history knows that a large portion of the slaves died on the voyage from Africa to the New World due to the abominable conditions below deck. The slavers were cruel, lazy and stupid and simply accepted losses as part of their business expense because they were business criminals. I am proud that my father supported civil rights and helped blacks when and where he could in the times past when help was needed. For my part I do not see blacks as blacks but as people, and I know that each person is different, that skin color is superficial, and that inside is a unique personality and identity.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Scalia's Inconsistency: Marijuana
I read a blurb about U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's "textualist" interpretation of the Constitution, which he says makes it easy for him to vote against gays and women. The problem is that he is inconsistent. Abortion, gay rights--sure, Scalia, we know your reasoning, "textualism." What about marijuana prohibition? Antonin Scalia, unlike some of his conservative colleagues on the bench, has consistently voted in favor of the government harassing, arresting and prosecuting marijuana users and manufacturers. But the Constitution was written on marijuana, and many of the signers were themselves farmers and users of marijuana, and there were no laws against marijuana for over 100 years. It looks to me like Scalia is picking and choosing the laws to which he will apply his "textualist" interpretation. Perhaps "textualism" is a synonym for "homophobia." The bottom line is that if gay rights and abortion rights are nixed, then by the same logic so is Prohibition, or else Scalia's not telling the whole truth about his philosophy as a jurist.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Mitral Valve Prolapse
MVP in this instance stands for Most Vulnerable Player, or Mitral Valve Prolapse, a leaky heart valve, which is what my doctor said a while back after auscultating my chest and hearing a funny little sound. I intend to auscultate my own chest and double-check the Doc. I've been too busy or negligent or egoless or fearless to give much thought to MVP, which tends to be symptomless in most people, but lately I've been working very long hours on occasion and have noticed that after about nine hours or so, especially if I'm on my feet and interacting with people, my stamina drops like a stone and I get the feeling like I'm walking dead. Sometimes I get so tired, the world turns gray and quiet, things seem sketchy and unreal, like a dream and not a pleasant one. I don't like the feeling, and it doesn't seem like normal tiredness. I wonder whether there is a counter-measure I could take after eight hours, like popping an aspirin or drinking something with caffeine.
Suggestions from the online medical community are pretty pedestrian it seems to me. I haven't seen many recommendations on the web other than "aerobic exercise," which is recommended for everybody anyway, and the unusual "antibiotics prior to dental procedures," which I have no intention of doing because I hate antibiotics and think they are over-prescribed as it is. I consumed far too many antibiotics as a boy and it didn't do me any good and probably a fair amount of harm. I'd rather get the bacterial infection in most cases unless there is a serious threat. I never took antibiotics prior to dental procedures before, and I had plenty of dental procedures creating a mouth full of metal, but I'm still alive and sharing my opinions with the world, aren't I? Unless the MVP has done me in and I'm in blogger-Hell typing forever. Just kidding, MVP isn't supposed to be serious.
I read some of the characteristics of MVP sufferers, and they nailed me in several areas, so even without a electrocardiogram or whatever is supposed to be the definitive test, which I can't afford, I'm persuaded of the Doc's diagnosis. MVP isn't supposed to be a big deal for most people, only correlated with fatigue or headaches and only in some cases. The prognosis on most medical sites seems vague and optimistic, probably to get patients off the Doc's back, because there is so much that is unknown. "You'll be okay, just shut-up and don't bug me about it, because I don't know much more than you do," seems to be the line. I get it.
My Doc didn't seem concerned about it, telling me plenty of folks live a long time with MVP, but then again it isn't anything good or beneficial. A leaky heart valve, it seems pretty clear, means reduced efficiency at circulation, and that means less oxygen for Mr. Brain, hence "greater risk for stroke," and less oxygen to all bodily tissues. I mean, the ideal is a super-efficient heart with valves that do not leak. So doctors can say MVP is symptomless, but that just means human beings are not detecting unusual sensations, or if detecting them, are dismissing them or not connecting them to MVP or not reporting them to their primary care provider. I guess I can check my O2 saturation next chance I get alone with the machine. Sure, it may not be a big deal, but may just translate to a tiny reduction in efficiency, which would also suggest that one can compensate for it by exercising or diet--perhaps. I suppose time will tell, won't it, but that's true for everyone.
Suggestions from the online medical community are pretty pedestrian it seems to me. I haven't seen many recommendations on the web other than "aerobic exercise," which is recommended for everybody anyway, and the unusual "antibiotics prior to dental procedures," which I have no intention of doing because I hate antibiotics and think they are over-prescribed as it is. I consumed far too many antibiotics as a boy and it didn't do me any good and probably a fair amount of harm. I'd rather get the bacterial infection in most cases unless there is a serious threat. I never took antibiotics prior to dental procedures before, and I had plenty of dental procedures creating a mouth full of metal, but I'm still alive and sharing my opinions with the world, aren't I? Unless the MVP has done me in and I'm in blogger-Hell typing forever. Just kidding, MVP isn't supposed to be serious.
I read some of the characteristics of MVP sufferers, and they nailed me in several areas, so even without a electrocardiogram or whatever is supposed to be the definitive test, which I can't afford, I'm persuaded of the Doc's diagnosis. MVP isn't supposed to be a big deal for most people, only correlated with fatigue or headaches and only in some cases. The prognosis on most medical sites seems vague and optimistic, probably to get patients off the Doc's back, because there is so much that is unknown. "You'll be okay, just shut-up and don't bug me about it, because I don't know much more than you do," seems to be the line. I get it.
My Doc didn't seem concerned about it, telling me plenty of folks live a long time with MVP, but then again it isn't anything good or beneficial. A leaky heart valve, it seems pretty clear, means reduced efficiency at circulation, and that means less oxygen for Mr. Brain, hence "greater risk for stroke," and less oxygen to all bodily tissues. I mean, the ideal is a super-efficient heart with valves that do not leak. So doctors can say MVP is symptomless, but that just means human beings are not detecting unusual sensations, or if detecting them, are dismissing them or not connecting them to MVP or not reporting them to their primary care provider. I guess I can check my O2 saturation next chance I get alone with the machine. Sure, it may not be a big deal, but may just translate to a tiny reduction in efficiency, which would also suggest that one can compensate for it by exercising or diet--perhaps. I suppose time will tell, won't it, but that's true for everyone.
The Circle
My belief about existence can be summarized by an ancient symbol, a circle, which is echoed in the shape of our planet, our Sun, our Moon, and of our constituent atoms, and the most powerful locomotive tool, the wheel. The circle is the only geometric shape in which every point on the border is equidistant to the center. I suppose I could go on if I knew more geometry.
The circle implies the cycle, which has no end and no beginning, and that is how I view my own existence and others and all things in the Universe, all of which is united into a whole rather than being separate and distinct. In reality, we and all things are one. The separation is an illusion suggested by our animal nature which has needs and desires and an ego. Inanimate objects such as rocks do not feel the separation from the one, because they do not feel at all nor think. They do not have an ego. When we become inanimate, we will be like rocks, like water, like air.
Illusions are not without benefits. It may be that certain illusions are helpful for life, for survival, for well-being and happiness. Otherwise, what purpose would illusion serve? To see ultimate reality without filters could be distressing or even impossible for the human mind, which only evolved to handle a narrow set of parameters on Earth. One does what one can, what one needs to do. To say that certain concepts are illusions is not to imply they are useless and should be discarded, but only to point out that we are laboring under misconceptions that may not be well-suited to all questions, all situations.
What is death? Death is destruction of the ego, of our individual identity. When the ego is gone, then we rejoin the one, then there is no separation at all. Dead people have become soil and served as nitrogen-fuel for new crops, which were eaten by new generations of animals such as us. One day, the Universe will die, but that is not an end, or at least I don't think so, because I believe that the cycle we observe in a small scale on our planet is repeated at the larger scale of the Universe, and that all things will be renewed.
I believe that just as many things in our environment can be abstracted into formulae, so can all things in the Universe, and that reality could be very much like an enormous mass of computer code. Every human being can be defined by a mass of code with many variables. Remember that code can account for randomness, uncertainty, reactivity and evolution and unpredictability. There is no limit to things that can be defined by code. I have explained this idea to people who do not program, and they do not accept the theory because they see computers as being very limited, while the world is complex. But if a computer can beat a human being at the complicated game of chess, and if code is what allows it to do so, then it is easy for a chessplayer and a computer programmer such as myself to imagine a more advanced type of code that defines and controls everything in the Universe as well as the Universe itself.
God is not necessary, because in the beginning was the word, and the word was made flesh (John 1:1). Code can code itself. Although I want to explain the reasons for code and understand why everything is and how it all works, I always reach a mental block of some kind. I am frustrated because I cannot explain further. My mind aches trying to think beyond these things. I do not think I am capable of understanding anymore than what I have written here or at least not yet. My mental powers are limited, while the Universe is complicated, so I have to be humble and remain content with just understanding a little bit about a few simple things. To understand more would require a bigger, faster brain.
Could I be mistaken in my ideas? Possibly, but I don't think I'm making any wild leaps away from what we already know based upon scientific observations. Science has reduced many forces in nature to mathematical certainties and probabilities, so it seems reasonable to believe that it will continue to do so and that the code behind all things will gradually emerge as a result. I like to monitor the steady drip of scientific research, although it is disappointing to see results that are inconclusive, contradictory with earlier results, or based upon shaky premises. The human race advances slowly, step by step, but at least there is the sense of advancement in many areas, such as technology and most areas of knowledge.
The circle implies the cycle, which has no end and no beginning, and that is how I view my own existence and others and all things in the Universe, all of which is united into a whole rather than being separate and distinct. In reality, we and all things are one. The separation is an illusion suggested by our animal nature which has needs and desires and an ego. Inanimate objects such as rocks do not feel the separation from the one, because they do not feel at all nor think. They do not have an ego. When we become inanimate, we will be like rocks, like water, like air.
Illusions are not without benefits. It may be that certain illusions are helpful for life, for survival, for well-being and happiness. Otherwise, what purpose would illusion serve? To see ultimate reality without filters could be distressing or even impossible for the human mind, which only evolved to handle a narrow set of parameters on Earth. One does what one can, what one needs to do. To say that certain concepts are illusions is not to imply they are useless and should be discarded, but only to point out that we are laboring under misconceptions that may not be well-suited to all questions, all situations.
What is death? Death is destruction of the ego, of our individual identity. When the ego is gone, then we rejoin the one, then there is no separation at all. Dead people have become soil and served as nitrogen-fuel for new crops, which were eaten by new generations of animals such as us. One day, the Universe will die, but that is not an end, or at least I don't think so, because I believe that the cycle we observe in a small scale on our planet is repeated at the larger scale of the Universe, and that all things will be renewed.
I believe that just as many things in our environment can be abstracted into formulae, so can all things in the Universe, and that reality could be very much like an enormous mass of computer code. Every human being can be defined by a mass of code with many variables. Remember that code can account for randomness, uncertainty, reactivity and evolution and unpredictability. There is no limit to things that can be defined by code. I have explained this idea to people who do not program, and they do not accept the theory because they see computers as being very limited, while the world is complex. But if a computer can beat a human being at the complicated game of chess, and if code is what allows it to do so, then it is easy for a chessplayer and a computer programmer such as myself to imagine a more advanced type of code that defines and controls everything in the Universe as well as the Universe itself.
God is not necessary, because in the beginning was the word, and the word was made flesh (John 1:1). Code can code itself. Although I want to explain the reasons for code and understand why everything is and how it all works, I always reach a mental block of some kind. I am frustrated because I cannot explain further. My mind aches trying to think beyond these things. I do not think I am capable of understanding anymore than what I have written here or at least not yet. My mental powers are limited, while the Universe is complicated, so I have to be humble and remain content with just understanding a little bit about a few simple things. To understand more would require a bigger, faster brain.
Could I be mistaken in my ideas? Possibly, but I don't think I'm making any wild leaps away from what we already know based upon scientific observations. Science has reduced many forces in nature to mathematical certainties and probabilities, so it seems reasonable to believe that it will continue to do so and that the code behind all things will gradually emerge as a result. I like to monitor the steady drip of scientific research, although it is disappointing to see results that are inconclusive, contradictory with earlier results, or based upon shaky premises. The human race advances slowly, step by step, but at least there is the sense of advancement in many areas, such as technology and most areas of knowledge.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
What Should I Put on My 403 Page?
Your 403 page (Forbidden) should be reserved for bad actors trying to hack your web site or spambots. I suggest sending them to harvester hells around the web, as in the code below. Any spambot that goes to those places may absorb bogus email addresses, get identified by honeypots, or waste time spinning their wheels.
The above is a harsh message to display to humans, so you had better be sure that it is not possible for an innocent user to accidentally trigger the 403 page. I soften the text for most of my web sites and make it civil, because there is a chance that some kind of unforeseen event could trigger a 403. However, if your web site has received a lot of hacker abuse in the past, then this wad of sputum may very well be what you want. I composed the message after one of my sites got hacked, an event which also caused me to devote many hours to learning about web site security.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Amoeba
According to Buddhism, the current life is karmic retribution for misdeeds committed in the previous existence. In my former life, I was an amoeba in southern Ukraine for 271.1 seconds before being lysed by hydrogen peroxide released by a neighboring microorganism. In order to progress toward Nirvana, I must deploy my pseudopodia in accord with "The Middle Way."
Hardening Wordpress: An Explanation
Wordpress recommends hardening security by deploying the code below in your .htaccess file:
Let us examine the code line-by-line until everything unique is explained. In the first place, any line beginning with # is a comment or remark statement, to us old-school programmers that cut our teeth on BASIC. A remark statement is intended for human comprehension in order to assist our feeble brains and is ignored by the Apache server.
Rewrite Engine On tells Apache, "Hey, start the engine, we have some rules on the way." Apache allocates resources in order to handle the rules.
RewriteBase / causes any evaluations that follow to assume the url (e.g., techlorebyigor.blogspot.com), in order to avoid having to specify the url on each and every condition and rule that follows.
RewriteRule ^wp-admin/includes/ - [F,L] scans for anyone attempting to access anything beginning with (denoted by ^) wp-admin/includes/, and the reaction will be [F,L] which means "Forbidden, and skip [L] all remaining rules." Forbidden means the users get the 403 page instead of their request on this one instance.
RewriteRule !^wp-includes/ - [S=3] is a special command in two ways. First, it uses NOT logic, denoted by the ! symbol. It instructs Apache that if the user's request does not begin with (^) "wp-includes/" then [S=3], which means skip the next three rules. S is like a GOTO statement providing a primitive form of IF...THEN logic, such as I have to use in my batch files. The reason this line is included is for speed of execution. If "wp-includes/" is not present in the request, then clearly the three rules that follow will not apply and by avoiding them, time is saved.
The other lines should be self-explanatory. The main area that I did not understand this morning was [S=3], and I did a bit of digging to unearth that information. The [S] command is not often seen and certainly optional in the above code, but such concern over efficiency is the mark of a good programmer.
I wonder whether I can replace the RewriteRules with RewriteConds for improved efficiency, but the [S=3] line makes me doubt whether the Condition statements would be more efficient after all.
# Block the include-only files.These are good rules, and I include them in my .htaccess, but I noticed there was no explanation offered for their effects, which complicates combining these rules with other rules. I prefer to understand what is going on, so I performed some research that I will now share with others.
RewriteEngine On
RewriteBase /
RewriteRule ^wp-admin/includes/ - [F,L]
RewriteRule !^wp-includes/ - [S=3]
RewriteRule ^wp-includes/[^/]+\.php$ - [F,L]
RewriteRule ^wp-includes/js/tinymce/langs/.+\.php - [F,L]
RewriteRule ^wp-includes/theme-compat/ - [F,L]
# BEGIN WordPress
Let us examine the code line-by-line until everything unique is explained. In the first place, any line beginning with # is a comment or remark statement, to us old-school programmers that cut our teeth on BASIC. A remark statement is intended for human comprehension in order to assist our feeble brains and is ignored by the Apache server.
Rewrite Engine On tells Apache, "Hey, start the engine, we have some rules on the way." Apache allocates resources in order to handle the rules.
RewriteBase / causes any evaluations that follow to assume the url (e.g., techlorebyigor.blogspot.com), in order to avoid having to specify the url on each and every condition and rule that follows.
RewriteRule ^wp-admin/includes/ - [F,L] scans for anyone attempting to access anything beginning with (denoted by ^) wp-admin/includes/, and the reaction will be [F,L] which means "Forbidden, and skip [L] all remaining rules." Forbidden means the users get the 403 page instead of their request on this one instance.
RewriteRule !^wp-includes/ - [S=3] is a special command in two ways. First, it uses NOT logic, denoted by the ! symbol. It instructs Apache that if the user's request does not begin with (^) "wp-includes/" then [S=3], which means skip the next three rules. S is like a GOTO statement providing a primitive form of IF...THEN logic, such as I have to use in my batch files. The reason this line is included is for speed of execution. If "wp-includes/" is not present in the request, then clearly the three rules that follow will not apply and by avoiding them, time is saved.
The other lines should be self-explanatory. The main area that I did not understand this morning was [S=3], and I did a bit of digging to unearth that information. The [S] command is not often seen and certainly optional in the above code, but such concern over efficiency is the mark of a good programmer.
I wonder whether I can replace the RewriteRules with RewriteConds for improved efficiency, but the [S=3] line makes me doubt whether the Condition statements would be more efficient after all.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tightening WordPress Security
I have developed a method to tighten Wordpress security for a scenario in which there is only one admin, and another admin will never be added.
Since my Wordpress blog only has 1 admin, there is no legitimate reason for any human being to ever access wp-signup.php. Anyone who does is hacking, so they should be banned forever.
Additional code, below, scans for common hack attacks against WordPress installations that I have observed firsthand in my server log. Again, because I do not permit registration, I ban it. Why permit something that no human being will ever use?
Other useful snippets, ubiquitous on the web and not original, follow:
#Ban WP attackersThis code in .htaccess will redirect anyone who attempts to sign-up to a bot-trap located in /kick/. An alternative for those who do not have a bot-trap installed would be to Redirect 403 /wp-signup.php. I recommend installing a bot-trap to allow your site to dynamically respond to attackers by banning their IP addresses. This will slow down hackers attempting to probe your site for vulnerabilities.
Redirect 301 /wp-signup.php /kick/
Additional code, below, scans for common hack attacks against WordPress installations that I have observed firsthand in my server log. Again, because I do not permit registration, I ban it. Why permit something that no human being will ever use?
RewriteCond %{QUERY_STRING} action=register [NC,OR]The question mark at the end of the above RewriteRule truncates any query string that was used, avoiding potential complications if the bot-trap is activated. Those bots that attempt to find exploits in WordPress plug-ins timthumb, uploadify, or marketplace will be banned. I do not use those plug-ins, however if you do, then you had better not use the above code.
RewriteCond %{REQUEST_URI} ^/timthumb [NC,OR]
RewriteCond %{REQUEST_URI} ^/uploadify [NC,OR]
RewriteCond %{REQUEST_URI} ^/marketplace [NC]
RewriteRule \.* http://techlorebyigor.blogspot.com/kick/? [R=301,L]
Other useful snippets, ubiquitous on the web and not original, follow:
<files wp-config.php>Although my wp-config.php is already locked down tight with a security of 400, I decided to add an additional layer of security in .htaccess. Why? Just because. Perhaps it is unnecessary, but I like it. There is no such thing as redundant security.
order allow,deny
deny from all
</files>
<FilesMatch "\.(htaccess|htpasswd|fla|psd|log|sh|gz|zip|tar)$">There is no legitimate reason for any human or bot to be reading any file with the above extensions. Although I won't ban any who do, I will show them my special 403 page which has many links to harvester-killers on other web sites.
Order Allow,Deny
Deny from all
</FilesMatch>
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Senkaku Islands
The dispute between Japan, China and Taiwan over sovereignty of the Senkaku Islands interests this American and pleases him, too, because the U.S. remains uninvolved in at least one global dispute, to our advantage.
Although it may seem that the islands belong to Taiwan due to the Potsdam Declaration, in which Japan relinquished control over many islands, I remain unconvinced, because the Declaration specifies Japan could retain control over "other minor islands as we determine."
I despise China's tyrants, but between Japan and Taiwan, I am not sure which I prefer. Japan committed many atrocities in WW2, and the only reason it is democratic is because it was conquered by the U.S. I think that the Japanese should send the U.S. a thank-you note every year on the anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, along with a couple of billion dollars as a gift to help our economy along. We had to spend a lot of money building those atom bombs, but they were the best medicine for the Japanese to eliminate their infection by a morally bankrupt military dictatorship. It looks to me like Iran needs similar medicine.
I am glad the U.S. is not involved in the dispute.
Although it may seem that the islands belong to Taiwan due to the Potsdam Declaration, in which Japan relinquished control over many islands, I remain unconvinced, because the Declaration specifies Japan could retain control over "other minor islands as we determine."
I despise China's tyrants, but between Japan and Taiwan, I am not sure which I prefer. Japan committed many atrocities in WW2, and the only reason it is democratic is because it was conquered by the U.S. I think that the Japanese should send the U.S. a thank-you note every year on the anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, along with a couple of billion dollars as a gift to help our economy along. We had to spend a lot of money building those atom bombs, but they were the best medicine for the Japanese to eliminate their infection by a morally bankrupt military dictatorship. It looks to me like Iran needs similar medicine.
I am glad the U.S. is not involved in the dispute.
A Good Programmer
A good programmer can find a needle in a haystack. That's my special ability, to find the exceptional evidence by absorbing details and focusing upon the problem. That's one of the qualities I like about myself and one of the things that distinguishes me from other people. The other quality I approve of is having thoughts predicated upon love and understanding. That which increases the love in a person's life has to be good. I am drawn to people that I judge to be good and honest and will usually do what I can to assist them, because I have some feeling of kinship with them.
I am glad I don't live in a madhouse like Syria, because I would not thrive in such an environment. I would try to survive somehow, but my true nature would become distorted as I did what is necessary rather than what I would prefer. Perhaps I would evolve into a ferocious dragon. It is possible. I think Syria needs dragons. It is funny that one never read about Syria before the war, and now Syria is in the headlines every day.
I remember back in my school days, one afternoon during recess, I moved from among the tall trees where we usually played and into the light, where I was enjoying the warmth and energy from the Sun. Something about the light appealed to me on many levels, I don't know just what. The weather was uncommonly good that day, and I thought it was foolish to remain in the shade playing War with the other boys like my best friend at the time was doing. He didn't understand my choice and thought it was stupid and started pulling me into a puddle because, he said, "If you need sunlight so much, then you're a plant, and so you also need water!" I think that illustrated better than anything else the difference between us. He did not remain my friend, but turned on me later. The light did remain my friend, true and steady, and I enjoy it to this day and would rather have the light than anything to do with people like him.
I am glad I don't live in a madhouse like Syria, because I would not thrive in such an environment. I would try to survive somehow, but my true nature would become distorted as I did what is necessary rather than what I would prefer. Perhaps I would evolve into a ferocious dragon. It is possible. I think Syria needs dragons. It is funny that one never read about Syria before the war, and now Syria is in the headlines every day.
I remember back in my school days, one afternoon during recess, I moved from among the tall trees where we usually played and into the light, where I was enjoying the warmth and energy from the Sun. Something about the light appealed to me on many levels, I don't know just what. The weather was uncommonly good that day, and I thought it was foolish to remain in the shade playing War with the other boys like my best friend at the time was doing. He didn't understand my choice and thought it was stupid and started pulling me into a puddle because, he said, "If you need sunlight so much, then you're a plant, and so you also need water!" I think that illustrated better than anything else the difference between us. He did not remain my friend, but turned on me later. The light did remain my friend, true and steady, and I enjoy it to this day and would rather have the light than anything to do with people like him.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Female Brain
I woke up this morning with a strange thought that felt right. No, nothing sexual--or not exactly. I don't blog about sexual matters for the most part, mostly because they are mundane and there is not much to say about them unless, I suppose, one has a particularly spicy sex life. Instead I was thinking about a recent hypothesis concerning homosexuality's origin.
Some researchers believe that sexuality is determined in the womb and is not a wholly genetic matter, but that a fetus is exposed to either too much or too little (or just right, according to your viewpoint) testosterone during a critical period of development. I have given this hypothesis much thought. For me, it would mean that I was exposed to more than the standard amount of testosterone while still a fetus, and that my brain therefore remained feminine (contra-intuitively) rather than turning masculine. I may have forgotten or misinterpreted certain aspects of the scientific rationale, but the gist is that a homosexual infant boy's brain is actually the brain of a baby girl at birth. Native testosterone will over time make this brain more masculine and increase the sex drive but to varying extents, resulting in gays being more or less feminine, and overall gays should be a bit more feminine, on average, than the norm.
Feminine qualities I expressed from the earliest ages were sensitivity, passivity, talkativeness and obedience. As I developed I was encouraged and pushed to express masculine qualities and suppress certain feminine qualities, such as sensitivity, but without much success. Bullies were always taking advantage of me because they could easily make me unhappy or afraid through an unkind word or even an attack. Being pressured to be something one is not is stressful and causes internal confusion, doubt and distress. I think growing up was difficult, because in those days nobody understood, or if they did understand a little bit they shut up about it and were of no help to me at all. I think I would have had a much better time if I had known at least one other person that was gay and not in the closet. I grew up thinking I was the only one in the world.
I pity the conservative Christians and Muslims that think gay is bad, because they are going to have a hard time with their gay kids. When Mom and Dad don't understand, the prognosis is poor for the family. I think the conservatives think that they are fighting against a tribe of gay outsiders, strangers, aliens. The reality is that they are fighting against their own family and their future children and grandchildren. Alienation and ostracism awaits, a disappointing outcome for an investment of eighteen-plus years in raising a child, but it is to be expected when Mom and Dad cannot understand what is plain before them. They are second-guessing God, to put things in their terms.
For me it is curious to think of my brain being a female brain. I have always thought of my thinker as a male brain because that is what everyone told me, and I based my self-concept on what I was told. Accepting gayness and femininity comes as something of a relief, because I fought against it for so long in the early years, thinking it was wrong, bad. I see now why I get along well with women and relate with them. I think my brain began female at birth, but is now a hybrid due to the influences of testosterone and peer socialization. I am between the genders, neither one nor the other, but mostly female, I think. I find many straight men to be less interesting than straight women and not very skilled at communication. If all one can talk about is the ball game, that is thin gruel indeed. Give me a woman any day.
Looking back on all my romantic adventures, it is clear that nothing ever worked out with women. So I ask myself why, and the reason may be that my brain was mostly female, and the straight women were looking for a mostly masculine brain. Pheromones also play a role. It is not likely a straight woman would remain attracted for more than a brief period to a gay man, because the spiritual element is contradictory. The gay man is eventually interpreted as a friend, much like other female friends. The woman would have to have a lesbian component in order to remain attracted to a gay man, but even that poses problems because the male has different equipment, contrary to the lesbian's fantasies and expectations.
I was involved with a lesbian at one time, but that did not work out well because she had a butch ex-girlfriend that reestablished control of her (she was a femme), but I think it would not have worked out anyway. She used me to assuage her Catholic guilt, nothing else, and I don't think she was ever genuine, but was pretending with me. I certainly did believe that I was in love, even if it was very foolish and sudden. She said she was bisexual, but was she? Was I? I think to me that love and being in love was more important than the sex. Love was ecstasy. It was a sweet delusion without much grounding in reality. I was looking for an intimate friend due to the female nature of my brain, which seeks intimacy. The sex was not important to me, and I wasn't aggressive in that area, which is the exact opposite of the masculine priority, because men want sex above all else. Sex to me was regarded as a symbol or verification of love and valued only for that purpose, not for the pleasure it might bring.
Sexuality goes to the physical, and there is nothing a male body has that a garden-variety lesbian wants. The same applies to gay men. There is nothing about the female body that I particularly desire, although I can appreciate it as a thing of beauty. I am not overawed at the sight of breasts, and I think that is the essential difference between myself and a straight man.
Much was all right with men, in fact I had an easy time with guys, and of course that is why in time I identified as gay and decided to abandon the pointless and painful pursuit of women. It took me a long time to accept being gay and self-acceptance came in gradual degrees. I think I accept myself more now than I ever did in the past.
Some researchers believe that sexuality is determined in the womb and is not a wholly genetic matter, but that a fetus is exposed to either too much or too little (or just right, according to your viewpoint) testosterone during a critical period of development. I have given this hypothesis much thought. For me, it would mean that I was exposed to more than the standard amount of testosterone while still a fetus, and that my brain therefore remained feminine (contra-intuitively) rather than turning masculine. I may have forgotten or misinterpreted certain aspects of the scientific rationale, but the gist is that a homosexual infant boy's brain is actually the brain of a baby girl at birth. Native testosterone will over time make this brain more masculine and increase the sex drive but to varying extents, resulting in gays being more or less feminine, and overall gays should be a bit more feminine, on average, than the norm.
Feminine qualities I expressed from the earliest ages were sensitivity, passivity, talkativeness and obedience. As I developed I was encouraged and pushed to express masculine qualities and suppress certain feminine qualities, such as sensitivity, but without much success. Bullies were always taking advantage of me because they could easily make me unhappy or afraid through an unkind word or even an attack. Being pressured to be something one is not is stressful and causes internal confusion, doubt and distress. I think growing up was difficult, because in those days nobody understood, or if they did understand a little bit they shut up about it and were of no help to me at all. I think I would have had a much better time if I had known at least one other person that was gay and not in the closet. I grew up thinking I was the only one in the world.
I pity the conservative Christians and Muslims that think gay is bad, because they are going to have a hard time with their gay kids. When Mom and Dad don't understand, the prognosis is poor for the family. I think the conservatives think that they are fighting against a tribe of gay outsiders, strangers, aliens. The reality is that they are fighting against their own family and their future children and grandchildren. Alienation and ostracism awaits, a disappointing outcome for an investment of eighteen-plus years in raising a child, but it is to be expected when Mom and Dad cannot understand what is plain before them. They are second-guessing God, to put things in their terms.
For me it is curious to think of my brain being a female brain. I have always thought of my thinker as a male brain because that is what everyone told me, and I based my self-concept on what I was told. Accepting gayness and femininity comes as something of a relief, because I fought against it for so long in the early years, thinking it was wrong, bad. I see now why I get along well with women and relate with them. I think my brain began female at birth, but is now a hybrid due to the influences of testosterone and peer socialization. I am between the genders, neither one nor the other, but mostly female, I think. I find many straight men to be less interesting than straight women and not very skilled at communication. If all one can talk about is the ball game, that is thin gruel indeed. Give me a woman any day.
Looking back on all my romantic adventures, it is clear that nothing ever worked out with women. So I ask myself why, and the reason may be that my brain was mostly female, and the straight women were looking for a mostly masculine brain. Pheromones also play a role. It is not likely a straight woman would remain attracted for more than a brief period to a gay man, because the spiritual element is contradictory. The gay man is eventually interpreted as a friend, much like other female friends. The woman would have to have a lesbian component in order to remain attracted to a gay man, but even that poses problems because the male has different equipment, contrary to the lesbian's fantasies and expectations.
I was involved with a lesbian at one time, but that did not work out well because she had a butch ex-girlfriend that reestablished control of her (she was a femme), but I think it would not have worked out anyway. She used me to assuage her Catholic guilt, nothing else, and I don't think she was ever genuine, but was pretending with me. I certainly did believe that I was in love, even if it was very foolish and sudden. She said she was bisexual, but was she? Was I? I think to me that love and being in love was more important than the sex. Love was ecstasy. It was a sweet delusion without much grounding in reality. I was looking for an intimate friend due to the female nature of my brain, which seeks intimacy. The sex was not important to me, and I wasn't aggressive in that area, which is the exact opposite of the masculine priority, because men want sex above all else. Sex to me was regarded as a symbol or verification of love and valued only for that purpose, not for the pleasure it might bring.
Sexuality goes to the physical, and there is nothing a male body has that a garden-variety lesbian wants. The same applies to gay men. There is nothing about the female body that I particularly desire, although I can appreciate it as a thing of beauty. I am not overawed at the sight of breasts, and I think that is the essential difference between myself and a straight man.
Much was all right with men, in fact I had an easy time with guys, and of course that is why in time I identified as gay and decided to abandon the pointless and painful pursuit of women. It took me a long time to accept being gay and self-acceptance came in gradual degrees. I think I accept myself more now than I ever did in the past.
Delusion
I had a brief and pleasant fantasy the other day that the actress who played Sophie on Peep Show had read and liked some old article on the blog. Of course I would have no way of knowing other than via psychic impulse, i.e. delusion. After about five seconds I dismissed this as ridiculous for any number of reasons. If I were in her position, the last thing I would be doing is sitting around reading blogs.
Part of the charm/thrill/danger of blogging is that one never knows who will be reading. There is nothing to prevent anyone from reading anything here except for the sheer odds of finding a needle in a haystack.
Part of the charm/thrill/danger of blogging is that one never knows who will be reading. There is nothing to prevent anyone from reading anything here except for the sheer odds of finding a needle in a haystack.
Epitaph
This blog would make a fair epitaph for me in this electronic age. Who has the budget for granite sculptures? Not me, I'm poor. I'd rather go the free route and just hope that Google continues hosting Blogspot for free in perpetuity.
It is a consoling thought that my feisty opinions, philosophy, technical lore and creative output will be around to torment unsuspecting readers long after I am gone.
Remember, hidden somewhere in the thousands of posts of fluff and nonsense is an emerald or three. Maybe. Or maybe a moonstone or iron pyrite.
One day if I see the end in sight due to, say, an unfavorable diagnosis, then I will apply the weed whacker to my blog and get rid of all the fluff until only the best posts remain. That might be a bit more dignified. But on the other hand, shouldn't I "keep it real?" Is every part of me worth preserving or only the finest or best expressed parts?
Remember, hidden somewhere in the thousands of posts of fluff and nonsense is an emerald or three. Maybe. Or maybe a moonstone or iron pyrite.
One day if I see the end in sight due to, say, an unfavorable diagnosis, then I will apply the weed whacker to my blog and get rid of all the fluff until only the best posts remain. That might be a bit more dignified. But on the other hand, shouldn't I "keep it real?" Is every part of me worth preserving or only the finest or best expressed parts?
Listen to Your Cat
Always listen to your cat. The better sort of cat makes good observations and sometimes has insight into things that elude human beings.
My cat detests the computer room. He will stand in the hallway and cry until I get up and out of there. I used to dislike this behavior but now I regard it as a useful reminder not to spend too much time on the computer. The cat is right that one needs to get up, move around, and get sunlight and fresh air. People tend to overdo computer time, just like they used to overdo television time.
My cat detests the computer room. He will stand in the hallway and cry until I get up and out of there. I used to dislike this behavior but now I regard it as a useful reminder not to spend too much time on the computer. The cat is right that one needs to get up, move around, and get sunlight and fresh air. People tend to overdo computer time, just like they used to overdo television time.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Republicans Not Enthused in 2012
I've noticed Republicans aren't too happy about the upcoming election. I get the feeling they are embarrassed about their candidate and holding their nose, even if they plan to vote for him November 6th.
I'm enthused and proud about Obama and I think he is the best President we have had in a long time. However, he deals with a Congress full of partisan Republican obstructionists, so there are limits on what he can do. The key is to vote Republicans out of office and get a Democratic Congress for Obama to work with, along with Democratic Governors and Mayors across this nation. The Republican party does not have any good ideas at all. What we really need is a Liberal party to compete against the Democratic party.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Body Parts
I do wish the human body were more like computers insofar as being able to replace failing body parts with new and improved ones off the shelf. My computer keeps getting better, year after year, and I keep getting worse!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Mistakes
In reflecting upon mistakes one made in one's past, it is a consolation to realize that other people made bigger and stupider mistakes. My thoughts turn to former friends and the reasons they are exes. It seems wasteful to build a relationship with another human being, spending months or even years getting to know them, only to sever contact due to some trivial misunderstanding. I am mild. If they couldn't abide by me then they could not abide by an African violet or a sunset or a cat. Some people are in too much of a hurry to get wherever they think that they are going. They place a greater value on status and power than upon friendship. I do not have much status or power. I have known too many selfish and immature people (of either gender, of all sexualities) who were interested only in sex or money/status/power. They did not place value upon relationships or friendships. In the modern and mobile age, people regard other people as disposable and cycle through a number of what they regard as replaceable peasants in the hopes of finding the King or Queen who can grant their every desire. All the insight I could have offered them about their past and present is committed to dust as they start over with bright new pretty acquaintances that may not care to understand them at all. What I offered was uncommon, and what they wanted was common. They opted for copper over gold. So I have hidden my gold away from the narrow eyes of my former, faithless friends, who will never see it, or if they had once caught a glimpse and did not recognize the metal for what it was, they will see it no more. The past was nothing more than a training ground of social experiments from which I built my store of wisdom. Forget the faithless friends of the past, those who taught me what not to do. I am here for my friends of today, people good and kind. I share my gold with my friends of today. I share with them my light.
Fever
I've always enjoyed a good fever. When a virus comes along, the body is diminished, and in the silence, if one listens, it is possible to hear some notes of the song of the universe.
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