Sunday, July 22, 2012

Forgiveness

Sometimes I don't know whether to forgive people that have done me wrong or not. I've always erred on the side of forgiveness because I detest getting involved in drama. Drama is fun to watch on television but not so fun in real life. I think that drama by activating the emotions obscures truth, which is best viewed with cold and sober eyes. Emotions are dangerous things, the relics of our primitive nature, steeped in superstition and irrational thoughts and ideas. With icy dispassion one can see direct into the heart of things. That is my strongest belief. By references to ice and cold, I do not mean cruel or vicious or inhumane, but principled, based upon reason and logic, and with the best intentions. Emotions that are hot dwell upon vengeance, egotism, vanity, and are subject to every kind of delusion. I have been most deluded of all when my emotions were aroused, and most level-headed when they were kept in check, so I prefer that my emotions be kept in check in general and feel that emotions are dangerous things, esteemed by the foolish.

I take the view that once a wrong has been done, punishment of the perpetrator doesn't make things right (although in criminal cases an argument can sometimes be made that punishment is necessary to prevent further crimes against others). I feel that those who do wrong also suffer themselves from the same mind that leads them into evil, because they are disconnected from the community of good people. I prefer to live my life in relative peace and would continue to do so until such time that I perceive no hope, no future, no opportunities, and no satisfaction, and then and only then I might entertain an alternative strategy. Life is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to inspire others, to help others build a better world. Only when such opportunities shrivel and disappear does one need to look for right angles.

Few people are absolutely evil. Sometimes people start out good, or mostly good, and then their minds decay until they turn. I have seen this happen. One should recall the good years, the good times, and weigh the present with the past. Sometimes good people have lapses which they, too, regret, unfortunate episodes that should be considered in the context of their entire experience, not in isolation. If a man does a person wrong, perhaps in one instance or several, but in many other instances far outnumbering those other ones has done good, then is he still a villain? I think rather he is a human being, for who among us is perfect?

When my emotions engage, that is when I thirst for justice, that elusive and unpredictable dragon that is known to breathe fire upon the seeker and sometimes even upon unintended parties. Usually I perceive the risks, if there are risks, and disengage if the risks outweigh the benefits. Justice can wait, is my view. Justice is the luxury of the rich and the powerful. Such a humble person as I must endure a life with substantially less justice than the proud. It is the common state of working people all over the world and to believe otherwise is to dwell in a fantasy land.

There is also a fatalistic view I have that we are all equal no matter what because everyone lives under a death sentence. In a matter of years we are all dust.

If I avoid wicked things then that is certainly better than some, although it is a modest goal and insufficient in my estimation. If I live in a manner that inspires, pleases or enlightens others to whatever extent, or at least avoids the opposite outcomes, then that is enough for me. I do not need to be great or strong, successful or renown for anything. It may be that some people I knew and cared about were disloyal, unappreciative or acted with misunderstanding or duplicity. I rather count my losses and think it a good bargain to lose only vanity or material assets, rather than anything truly important. It is a welcome relief to me when others strive for material or out of pure vanity, but are willing to live and let live otherwise. Because I prefer to be left in peace to think, to wonder, and to help the people that I care about. I will leave the treasure for the orcs to grab with their dirty claws, while I content myself with old books written by marvelous people I should have liked to know. All I want is time to read, time to think, and time to care. Let the fighters fight over spoils. I will fight if cornered, like any beast, and I think that I would fight very well indeed, but otherwise am inclined to go my way.

I don't mind leaving everything just as it is, because it gives me satisfaction to reflect on my accomplishments, modest though they may be, and on the esteem that others have for me, and on my good experiences in life. It is all right to have modest accomplishments when one's talents are modest. It is a mistake to judge oneself in comparison to one's superiors, and there are many people who will have more talent in one area, many areas, or even all areas, because talent is not distributed evenly.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"I think that drama by activating the emotions obscures truth, which is best viewed with cold and sober eyes."

I couldn't agree more.

techlorebyigor is my personal journal for ideas & opinions